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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I doing ok?

17 replies

SilverTapz · 07/05/2025 07:24

I have nobody in my life really other than my 6 year old. I have good friends but they don't tell me 'youre doing a good job' which I don't expect anyway. I'm a single mum. Fled domestic abuse when my son was a newborn. Went through court and now he has minimal contact with his dad. One day eow which is good as he's not a nice man. I was on 26k when I fled working in civil service. I left that job as I moved home to be with parents, took a job that earned me 30k. Worked there for 2 years, then left for. Job that was 36k. Had an interview recently for a job that pays 41k and got it. So I'm steadily moving up. Son has a hobby that costs me a fair whack of money but I've managed to save 5k which goes up a little bit every week. I don't own a house and maybe never will. I'm 35 and just really doubting myself. Son is happy and thriving, has a hobby that he does 4 times a week and he's just in his element and it's given me a social life. I'm doing ok aren't I?

OP posts:
yeesh · 07/05/2025 07:32

Your son is happy & thriving, that’s the best we ask for! You have got out of a terrible situation, made a home for you & your son, had several promotions and built a new life, you are doing fantastic. Be proud of your self x

Swampdonkey123 · 07/05/2025 07:33

It sounds like you are doing great to me.

FloraBotticelli · 07/05/2025 07:33

Yes you’re doing great! Flowers

Abitlosttoday · 07/05/2025 07:35

I think it sounds like you're doing really well. Single parenthood is HARD. A happy, safe child is a major achievement when you have fled dv. Keep saving, keep pushing on a work. It's all good.

savuni27 · 07/05/2025 07:36

Sounds like you’re doing amazingly well! All that matters is whether you and your son are happy! Keep doing what you’re doing ☺️

Original poster
SilverTapz · 07/05/2025 07:45

I really needed to hear that. I see friends who have houses and are in happy relationships, going on holiday etc and it makes me questions myself so much. I feel like I'm making progress in my job but everything is so expensive I feel skinter now than when I was earning 10k less.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 07/05/2025 08:53

Sounds like you are doing amazing

LobeliaBaggins · 07/05/2025 08:55

All single mums are heros, but you are even more so! Amazing.
Sorry no one tells you that.

LobeliaBaggins · 07/05/2025 08:56

Kids don't need posh holidays. You can take him camping in the UK. He sounds happy.

Tooearlytothink · 07/05/2025 08:57

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly! Well done! For what it’s worth, those friends you see that seem so happy may have holidays/relationships etc but that happiness may not be as genuine as it seems. Regardless, yours is and that’s the key thing here. Keep doing what you’re doing!

Member869894 · 07/05/2025 08:57

You've done the best thing you ever could for your son by leaving an abusive relationship so by that alone you're done brilliantly

Merryoldgoat · 07/05/2025 08:58

You don’t sound like you’re doing ‘ok’ - you sound like you’re doing brilliantly!

You have achieved masses and your child is happy. ❤️

KarmenPQZ · 07/05/2025 09:09

kindly…. Stop looking for validation from strangers and find it within yourself.

have the confidence in your own actions and inactions otherwise strangers (or abusive partners) will at some point revoke their validation and you’ll be in an abusive relationship again.

to emphasise again… meant kindly.

S0j0urn4r · 07/05/2025 09:14

Comparison is the thief of joy.
There's always someone with a bigger car, house, more money etc.
Look at how far you've come on your own journey.
You're doing amazing! Drum roll and Mexican wave in honour of you. 👏👏👏

LobeliaBaggins · 07/05/2025 09:15

KarmenPQZ · 07/05/2025 09:09

kindly…. Stop looking for validation from strangers and find it within yourself.

have the confidence in your own actions and inactions otherwise strangers (or abusive partners) will at some point revoke their validation and you’ll be in an abusive relationship again.

to emphasise again… meant kindly.

Sure, but we all need a pat on the back sometimes. Especially in these times.

Jollyjoy · 07/05/2025 09:18

You’re doing amazing! It’s not easy to overcome the challenges you have, and to provide for a child alone. And it’s amazing to be able to say ‘I just need a bit of reassurance’ - a sign of strength.

Original poster
SilverTapz · 07/05/2025 09:37

KarmenPQZ · 07/05/2025 09:09

kindly…. Stop looking for validation from strangers and find it within yourself.

have the confidence in your own actions and inactions otherwise strangers (or abusive partners) will at some point revoke their validation and you’ll be in an abusive relationship again.

to emphasise again… meant kindly.

Kindly also (genuinely), I have a lot of confidence in my own actions. I've been confident enough to stay single for six years, and I'm bloody happy on my own with my son. Genuinely, the novelty still hasn't worn off. I remember the day I left, I basically ran to a friend's house. She made me chocolate pancakes for breakfast which is something I would never have been allowed to eat with my ex. I still have chocolate pancakes every Sunday. I have every faith that I won't end up in another abusive relationship, and whilst it is a possibility as nobody is immune, I still consider myself in a good place to make better decisions than I used to.

Honestly I just needed a bit of reassurance which I think everyone does from time to time. Thank you everyone I appreciate it.

OP posts:
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