I have a very close friend of about 15 years who has a pattern of ghosting me, pretty much every four years. We have a lot in common, always have a good laugh, and have shared so much for so many years, usually being in near daily contact, exchanging gifts, celebrating each other's children, etc. And I am always caught by complete surprise when she disappears on me.
The first time it happened she reached out after many, many months saying she thought I had ghosted her, which I found really confusing as it was very much the other way around. The second time was many years later, when she simply disappeared within days of me losing a very close family member, which completely shattered me. She didn't check in, but rather ghosted me when I needed a friend the most. It was pain on top of pain. About a year later, she reached out and said she had been going through some (non major) things at the time and hadn't wanted to burden me, which I found to be a lame excuse as I have only ever been a willing ear and supportive friend and the events she described were more of the usual things that were going on in her life. But I let it pass, didn't guilt her, even though it took me about another year to feel completely comfortable with her again and even then, it was always in the back of my mind that if something bad ever happened in my life again, I couldn't count on her to be there for me.
Sure enough, about three years later, she started becoming distant. Stopped responding or would take weeks to respond rather than same day or next day, but then would suddenly suggest a get together. I had to reach out more and more to get a response from her, and when after months of this I asked if everything was okay, she said she was just really busy, which I knew to be a polite excuse. She also became strangely competitive at this time, when in the past we have only ever been happy for each other, lifted each other up, etc. She stopped asking about anything in my life, even when I mentioned I had an update on something she would have been really curious about in the past. She would literally ignore other things I shared in messages by never replying or acknowledging. Stopped asking how holidays were. She started comparing her children to mine, even when she knew I was struggling with some things from mine, making hers out to be perfect by comparison rather than listening. It really hurt my feelings but more than anything, it felt almost hostile and confusing coming from her of all people. This went on for a full year, until I finally decided to stop reaching out multiple times for a response. My last text (which was in response to one of hers, lighthearted, normal topics for us) went unanswered, and that was months ago. I thought about sending another one asking if everything was okay, but I've already done this, and again, she has also been acting a bit unpleasant toward me in addition to phasing out.
After three rounds of this, I am reluctant to ever open the door should she come knocking again, which she might, but at the same time, it makes me sad to give up on someone I've known so well for so long. The trust is completely broken at this point. I would never treat her this way and I've always shown her I am there for her if she ever needs me. When is enough enough? AIBU to think it's time to let go for good?