Oldest Friend Probably Joining Jehovah's Witnesses

[Blooomoon]

I've known my friend for over 40 years, our kids grew up together, she was in a relationship with my brother at one point, we've been through thick and thin despite our very different backgrounds. I know she's a grown woman and I know she has a mind of her own but I'm not sure our friendship can survive this. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't preach or go on about JW although she does have JW friends. She isn't baptised yet but has bible studies a couple of times a week. I know she's serious because she almost joined them when we were younger but didn't because she had small children and wouldn't have been able to deny them a blood transfusion should they have needed it. The issue for me is that I'm bi and out of my 4 children only one is straight. It's never been an issue until now. Apparently if she joins JW then she'd still be my friend because the bible says she can abhor the sin but still love the sinner. AIBU to not want to be treated like this? I'm not a sinner, my kids aren't sinners and I don't need her being sanctimonious in order to remain my friend. How can she even think this is an acceptable basis for continuing our friendship? I don't think I'm being over sensitive, I'm angry and mightily pissed off. I can't help but feel like she must have had these attitudes all along although she comes across as very liberal in many ways. I wouldn't have believed it, is there any way round the issue? AIBU?

It’s essentially up to her if she wants to join a particular religion but it’s also your choice if you want to continue the friendship.

Unfortunately, the more involved she becomes, the less in common you both will have. I don’t mean that in a bad way but just that you will both be very different people.

Does she actually believe in it all?

I have a relative who attends the Kingdom Hall and outwardly people would think was a JW.

However, she's never cut a single person off. Not her children - all three are smokers, two are living with partner and have children unmarried.

She also attends our Christmas dinner every year. It's not a religious event in our house, but a large family gathering. However in most Kingdom Halls that would be a massive no-no.

She constantly says "it's up to them" when discussing anything about blood products or sexuality or other religion.

She goes to the Kingdom Hall twice a week, but she's out on a regular basis with other ladies she's met there. Three of them are just back their second holiday of the year. I think rather than having found religion she was a lonely lady who has found people to spend time with.

I'm surprised that you've maintained the friendship for so long - clearly these aren't new views she has arrived at, but I do understand how joining a church that forbids LGBT members from joining feels like a line being crossed.

YANBU to call time on the friendship and explain why.

I had no idea she held possible homophobic views, her brother is gay and tried to commit suicide when he was 17 because of homophobia, we've also had gay friends over the years. We're in our 60's now so those were very different times. I'm confused as well as angry tbh. I think she does truly believe. The last couple of Christmases she's spent on her own where she used to have big family do's. Eurgh

Her business isn't it really.

You’ll probably find she will make a decision to distance herself from you if she does join them anyway. People not of that faith are considered “bad associates” by baptised JW’s and so would be kept at arms length.

She would not be able to get baptised if she didn’t live by Bible teachings though.

You won’t see much of her if she does join and every interaction will be a chance to drip feed Jw thoughts into you. I would be guarded about this friendship tbh.

Of course it is and there's obviously nothing I can do about it. I was just having a rant on my way to coming to terms with losing my best friend. Thanks though.

If that's their doctrine, and as a newbie she doesn't want to rock the boat or look like a trouble maker, then likely she just lets those views go over her head and basically ignores them. It doesn't mean she necessarily agrees with them. Those views are likely held by people who don't (knowingly) have gay friends or family. So it sounds as if your friend would have more experience in this area than her new friends.
Moving forwards, I don't see why you can't still be friends as you always have, so long as she's sensible enough to stay away from that subject. I wouldn't jump to judge her on this, unless she starts preaching at you.

She’ll be trying to convert you soon. I’ve got a client who’s one it’s awful I get the Tower magazine handed over and I have to listen to my own religion Catholicism being utterly slagged off. I am really insulted by these offensive comments. I don’t want to argue and even get into the discussion, so I say nothing. I am not into it for so many reason but I don’t want to being really unkind.

I find it hard to understand why someone would, as an adult, want to join a faith whose views they don't believe in (particularly when there are other, similar churches that are more accepting).

My best friend, who I'd known since I was a small child, joined the JWs in her 30s. There was never a problem, she didn't try to push it or act any differently really, though the JWs did take up a lot of her spare time.
However, after about 5 years she became disillusioned with them - she is a very kind person and found their intolerant attitudes very unchristian. (I think she'd needed something at a low point in her life and they seemed to fit the bill.)
So, while still Christian, she left the JWs and is still my friend decades later.
Don't give up on your friendship, wait and see if she draws away from you. She might, once she's properly immersed herself in the JWs, discover they are not the answer after all.

DH has an older relative in exactly the same situation.

It's more like a social club for them
They disagree with a lot of the teachings. They are taking the good bits and ignoring the rest. Which is fair enough.

Frankly, I think it's the (creepy) love bombing. I suspect OP's friend may be at a low point and is letting herself be taken in by it.

We have a friend who is JW. Her affiliation lapsed a bit, then got stronger. She's still the same kind and thoughtful person that she ever was. We have a mutual gay friend and you'd never know that was an issue, I hadn't even realised it was supposed to be. Birthday and Christmas we do on different random dates of the year, safely away from the real dates. Basically I just get two gifts in the year when I think of something.

Wait for an issue to present itself, don't go inviting one in unnecessarily.

It is entirely possible for people of all different faiths to be friends.

Good point.

I have no advice Op but I'm horrified that your friend singled you out as a sinner. She may want to look in the mirror because Christians should acknowledge that we are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. We don't get to pick and choose with marginalized groups we want to hate and then hide behind faith. Not all of us are hateful, I promise 💗 (Catholic).

Don't you have any religious friends other than her? Most religions are 'against' homosexuality.

I have religious friends, I'm a complete aesthiest. We don't hold the same beliefs or ideals but we still have things in common despite all that. If they came out with homophobic comments or similar they'd be quite frankly told to cut it out and I that I absolutely don't agree with their views. We can still be friends though otherwise we'd only ever have a very narrow friendship group and life would be even more full of hatred than it is already.

I wouldn’t end the friendship based on this unless she started expressing views you feel uncomfortable with. One of my friends is JW, she is the loveliest person you’ll ever meet, she has never expressed her religious views to me or even mention JW. It’s possible to still remain friends in my view. Don’t let it break your bond before anything has even happened. Maybe you could straight up ask her? These divides between religions and faiths seem so unnecessary and primeval!

Yeah spot on

I know some JWs and they are good people who sincerely believe in their religion .. We are still friends and keep in touch although I don't share their beliefs at all .. I can see the appeal of it for someone who likes or needs to be part of a group as they do a lot to help each other and are kind and friendly .. I can't imagine your friend would cut you off and I don't think this is encouraged.

Perhaps that is what she meant, that we are all sinners due to our imperfection as humans.