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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare pickup

11 replies

Wildflower1987 · 06/05/2025 21:25

My ex and I have a 5 year old daughter together. We were married for 7 years and split 2 years ago.

Currently he sees her every fortnight, picks her up from school and then drops her back on Sunday at 5pm. I do all the other childcare on the other 12 days a fortnight. He does not currently support with school holidays. I have covered all of this with either annual leave or paying for childcare.

I live in Hampshire and when we split he moved back to East London. He is now saying the travel for him on a Sunday is too much.

He wants me to pick her up on a Sunday from Waterloo at 4.30pm. I think this is highly unfair as it will take up precious free time I rarely get, and cost lots of money. In my mind, it’s his choice to move 90 miles away from the family home and he (and sadly our daughter) has to suffer the consequences.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/05/2025 21:32

YANBU, no is a complete sentence.

whynotmereally · 06/05/2025 21:33

Yeah ex dh moved an hour away he did the commute. I’d say no.

shalamakooky · 06/05/2025 21:37

No sorry

Neodymium · 06/05/2025 21:47

Does he pay child support?

my husbands ex moved away, she ended up 2 hours away. Initially when she moved she just said dh still had to pick them up if he wanted to see them. Eventually it went to court, after a year of him driving 4 hour round trip twice a week and she was made to do half the driving and meet half way.

if you are going to have to split the driving, I’d tell him you will drop her off Friday evening or whenever he has her, and he can drop her directly off to school Monday morning.

Purpleturtle43 · 06/05/2025 21:50

Absolutely ridiculous that he is asking you to do that! He chose to move away and only have his child a tiny fraction of the time and now wants you to pick up the pieces, absolutely pathetic.

Original poster
Wildflower1987 · 06/05/2025 21:52

Neodymium · 06/05/2025 21:47

Does he pay child support?

my husbands ex moved away, she ended up 2 hours away. Initially when she moved she just said dh still had to pick them up if he wanted to see them. Eventually it went to court, after a year of him driving 4 hour round trip twice a week and she was made to do half the driving and meet half way.

if you are going to have to split the driving, I’d tell him you will drop her off Friday evening or whenever he has her, and he can drop her directly off to school Monday morning.

He does pay child support.

If I moved myself and my daughter and increase the travel time, I’d appreciate that was my choice and accept I’d need to share the driving.

But I’ve remained where we are, and he’s chosen to live in a very inconvenient location.

He can’t do a Monday school drop off as he can’t miss work, as he’d then have to travel 90 miles back.

OP posts:
paranoiaofpufflings · 06/05/2025 21:53

Maybe he would find it easier to travel to where you are and stay locally for the weekend so he’s seeing your daughter local to where she lives, rather than travel down to collect her, take her back to his, then back to you on Sunday and home again.
Either way, it’s not your problem to solve. And it’s only once a fortnight, he should be able to bear it.
(Unless there is a back story that the break up is a result of you cheating on him and it wasn’t his choice to split.)

Original poster
Wildflower1987 · 06/05/2025 21:57

paranoiaofpufflings · 06/05/2025 21:53

Maybe he would find it easier to travel to where you are and stay locally for the weekend so he’s seeing your daughter local to where she lives, rather than travel down to collect her, take her back to his, then back to you on Sunday and home again.
Either way, it’s not your problem to solve. And it’s only once a fortnight, he should be able to bear it.
(Unless there is a back story that the break up is a result of you cheating on him and it wasn’t his choice to split.)

Unfortunately the split was caused by his cheating, and also becoming addicted to anabolic steroids.

I’ve also made same recommendation about staying local to reduce travel but he doesn’t want to make the cost. Even though he’s a very high earner.

OP posts:
paranoiaofpufflings · 06/05/2025 21:59

Then I have no sympathy for him at all, I’d just leave him to work the journey out and secretly hope he stops bothering!

Hallywally · 06/05/2025 22:00

What a useless crap dad.

Endofyear · 06/05/2025 22:47

I would point out to him that it was his choice to move away and that if he wants to see his daughter he will have to continue to travel. He sees her 2 measly days a fortnight and still feels this is too much inconvenience for him 🙄 what a useless tosser!

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