AIBU to see my dad on a day that is not actual Father’s Day

[Socathe]

My mum and I have an ongoing conflict regarding Father’s Day. I have a 5 year old and a husband. We live three hours from my mum and dad. My mum thinks it is unreasonable of me to not see my dad on Father’s Day, and to instead arrange to meet up with him/visit him on a day nearby to Father’s Day (last year for example we met up at a midway point for lunch the day before Father’s Day). I do this because I feel the point of Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) for parents of younger kids (I.e. my husband) is to have a family day, for the parent to get a bit of extra relaxation time, and also I feel a 5 year old is not really old enough to make a fuss of his dad without me there. If I were to meet my dad on actual Father’s Day I would be out pretty much all day due to the travel time. My mum just keeps saying ‘but he’s not YOUR dad’ about my husband but I feel this reasoning doesn’t make sense when it’s little kids who can’t arrange plans for the day themselves.

Of course if we lived locally I would be more than happy to pop in to see my dad on the day, but my argument is it isn’t always practical to see him on the actual day with the distance away that we live.

Also as a side note my husband wouldn’t be very keen to meet up with my parents/dad as the thing we do on Father’s Day, it wouldn’t be his ideal day for Father’s Day if that makes sense. Maybe that’s unreasonable? I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking. AIBU to see my dad on a day other than Father’s Day?

You're right. Your mum is wrong.

You send your dad a card / pressie and spend the day with your family. If your parents lived round the corner, then maybe you could squeeze in both, but otherwise, no.

Kindly .. tell your mum to stfu. Yes he may not be YOUR dad ... but he's your children's dad. Your dad's time being the dad of a child has passed. It's not even your dad who's moaning. 😒

Your Mum is being ridiculous. What are her expectations on Mother’s Day? Do you get to celebrate?

What does your dad think? I’d go with that.

I’d suggest you call it “father’s weekend” not just a day, and do special stuff all weekend with your dad, your father in law, and your husband in whatever order they are ok with/suits what you want to do.

I don’t go out for a meal in Father’s Day as it’s mobbed with screaming kids. I prefer the Saturday.

I wouldn’t bother with your mums opinion as she’s thinking what she would like ( like it’s her special day or something) and seems rigid and old fashioned in that regard.

Thanks all, I feel vindicated.

She doesn’t seem to feel the same about Mother’s Day that’s the funny thing, I always make the effort to see her around that time (and would naturally anyway as I see her quite often in general) but she isn’t bothered about the actual day, for some reason she seems to have decided to take on this mantel for my dad who I think doesn’t even care about it?! We’ve discussed it several times and she just cannot see it from my perspective. She thought it ludicrous when I told her my FIL would not be bothered at all if he didn’t see any of his four kids on Father’s Day even though they all live five minutes from him. I don’t think she believed me, but he genuinely wouldn’t care.

She has some quite high expectations around how often we see each other generally and I am usually happy to go along with this because we are very close and I do actually want to see her. But the Father’s Day thing just isn’t something I’ve been willing to compromise on as feel it’s unfair on my husband.

Thanks for your replies I just needed to check myself.