Ex refusing to use coparenting app now

[BookArt55]

We currently use Our Family Wizard, ex set it up a year ago, where i was given days to find the money because he refused to use email and WhatsApp. I found the money. Renewal is this month. Therefore i budgeted for the equivalent of the £9 a month that is needed, I have then paid for another year when i got paid at the end of April. Now with just over two weeks left until his subscription runs out he refuses to use the app saying he can't afford it (he earns more than double what I earn, I have a lives with order, he was abusive, i have to live with my mum while he is still in tbe jointly owned property).

He wants to go back to email, but when we used that prior to OFW he would send even more abusive messages than he does on the app, the app slowed him down and has lessened the tone of the messages as he can't delete them. The app has been and can be used in court to support my case which is why I think he won't use it anymore. The joint calendar and the ability to add a LOT of documents due to our kid's medical stuff is vital as it has unlimited storage is the most useful part wjth out kids. He is also known to say i didn't send him or inform him of stuff and the OFW app proves the date I added it and that he has seen it. The messages have a little red chart to help me record my messages to make me rethink how to words things in a better way.

OFW has been a godsend for me.

Am I unreasonable to say i will ONLY communicate with him on the Our Family Wizard app? Especially given i have paid, the safety net it provides me and we have been using it a year.

Or do i have to change back to email?

Unfortunately I didn't get this in the court order as he hadn't raised any issue with the app itself, just with me and my use of it.

We know that! But the poster is certain it is so it would benefit the op for them to prove it

A UK court can order the use of MFW spp as the sole means of communication between parents.

Judges across the UK are known to include such provisions in court orders, especially in high-conflict cases, to streamline communication and reduce conflict. OurFamilyWizard is designed to provide a secure and documented record of all co-parenting communication.

OP I would go backnto court to request this be made a part of the order.

@Chewygummy courts can order stuff that will cost parents money such as pick off and drop off points that are not in a family home.

In this case it sounds like the x is doing this to try to continue their control of op. Most courts will look poorly at someone who insisted on using one method of communication and then suddenly refuses to use it.

It galls me to say it -but pay for him to have it for 1 more year.
You know the justification it brings. He's trying to control you and he will start his old tricks again.
I know how tight a budget you are on so I don't say that lightly.

I don’t think you can force him. I signed up to AppClose this weekend as it’s free - I don’t use it for co parenting so much as ex barely sees the children but neither is he paying CMS and I’m using it to log - with receipts etc - all the children’s costs

Yes they can a court can order it despite the costs. In the case of Op where the x was adament on its use originally I would suspect she has a good chance of it being ordered.
I have a friend where it is specifically ordered they use this app.

Hopefully some of our regular laywers like php will come to this thread soon and give their professional view.

Actually it would, they have been communicating using that method previously after he refused other ways, he's been abusive and courts order this way of communicating.

OP I agree with other posters, use app close which is free and say that's the only method you will use.

It’s definitely possible to get the use of Our Family Wizard court ordered because I’ve got an order with it listed!!!

@Chewygummy you are not correct. Use of OFW is Court Ordered and named specifically in our CAO. No wriggle room for ex, he’s still been a dick though! Worth every single penny.

Ofw was specifically ordered by the court in my case.
also, we were ordered to engage a very expensive private family therapist and split the cost regardless of me being on a v low income and dad being v wealthy.
The court regularly order parents to spend money on things

It absolutely is that specific App!

Oh @BookArt55 I feel for you, my ex is also abusive, they just do whatever they can to score points don't they...

I would, if you can possibly run to it, pay for the app for him to use. Not for his benefit but for yours...which is how I would frame it to myself to try and lessen how unfair it is.

It protects you from the worst of his verbal abuse, and also means that he can't say "you didn't send this" and so on...so on balance I think it's worth paying to reduce the impact of his behaviour on your day-to-day life.

I'd send this by message through the App, so that if you end up in court arguing about it, you can show that you offered to pay for it as it works so well...and as his argument is that he can't afford it...well you've solved that problem for him.

They are a royal PITA these abusive ex's, mine recently turned up at 7 am on the one day a week the kids go to school from his, saying they didn't have any school socks...I handed over new socks, having noticed they were already wearing school socks, and he sent them to school in the ones they were already wearing. So petty and so exhausting.

Within reason I do whatever I need to to make my life easier, so I don't have to respond or stand up to him - he wants a dispute and I'm not going to give him the satisfaction, a sort of extended grey rock approach if you like.

Hugs.

Thank you for all of this. I'll take a look at the free app. I'm kicking myself that I didn't get it put in the court order that is only 5/6 weeks old...
Ex is saying he will just sell my stuff that he won't let me collect from the property so looks like I'll be paying for his subscription technically anyway. But shall suggest alternatives. Thank you!

Tbh I would pay for his subscription it’s cheaper than faffing about with solicitors and it just removed something he thinks he can use to control you and that’s what it’s really about - holding power over you and controlling you - what’s total git

A quick google shows up plenty of sites that note that a Court can order an app for communication to be used. Here’s just one.
www.unit.law/insights/co-parenting-your-children-theres-an-app-for-that#:~:text=Yes%2C%20the%20use%20of%20a,of%20the%20Children%20Act%201989.

OP does not have it in the court order, but even if she did, it would still require her ex to actually use it. And if he didn’t, it would require her to go back to court to have it enforced which costs money. And how will they actually do that? So someone saying oh, it’s in my court order is not any help, it’s only helpful in a court order if both parties abide by the court order. Getting the other parent to go back and forth to court and engage extensively with the legal process, thus emotionally and financially draining them, is also a form of abuse.
If I were the OP, I would be asking every provider of information about the child to also provide it to him so she doesn’t have to, and then simply closing down contact aside from what is required by the court order. That’s the consequence of not using the app. Not jump through all the hoops which would be required for him to use the app, or maybe not use the app, because he has realised this matters to her.