Why do people do this on MN?

[grumblebutt]

Something I’ve noticed a lot lately and it’s really fucking irritating. A poster creates a thread - aibu to be offended by this or similar. Some people are outraged, others not so much. But whenever there is a disagreement in boundaries of viewpoints the term ‘raise your standards’ or ‘your expectations are too low’ is rolled out. Time and time again. It just seems like a very superior, snide way of diminishing someone as lesser than you because they don’t share the same view.

I agree to a certain extent but also it’s helped me to realise that I’m being emotionally abused. I think the courage to say ‘that’s not ok and we should expect better’ is a message that is sometimes helpful and easier to say to strangers online than friends in real life.

The only time I have seen this is in response to women who are being abused and struggle to see what their partner is doing is not normal. In those instances I think they are very useful comments.

Same. And I agree.

I mean yes, of course there are some things that are universally not ok. Abuse is one of them, although I’m still not sure that telling someone who is being abused to ‘raise your standards’ is particularly helpful. It will just make them feel even more unworthy surely?

But I’m talking about trivial comments or situations where there’s simply a difference of opinion. If you’re not offended you must have such low standards or emotional intelligence. It’s just a horrible way of trying to appear superior because someone has a different viewpoint.

I had it because I said that a spat over navigation and one instance of a friend getting pissed and being a dick wouldn’t make me end a friendship. Caveated with but I don’t know what else occurred. I was told to my raise my bar.

I think it’s super helpful to be told to raise your standards! It really helped me get out of a relationship with an awful bloke who had worn me down.

‘Raise your bar’ - another fine example. The same if someone has a moan about their dh (not talking about abuse). If you don’t immediately LTB you are a doormat, desperate etc.

Couldn't agree more.
'I have 4 kids and my husband forgot to walk the dog this morning....LTB, he obviously has zero respect for you.'😅

As someone who should have raised their standards I don’t have an issue with this. If I’d been on MN posting about massive red flags instead of ignoring them and seeing someone’s potential, a wake up call from people sharing their experiences would have saved me a lot of time and pain. I didn’t even recognise half of what was going on until I read a lot of similar posts here. Now I’m certain I made the right decision to leave or my life would always have been more difficult than it needs to be.
It may not be what you want to hear but a lot of people do want advice and need to hear it.

As I’ve said, I’m not talking about genuine abuse or bad relationship situations. I’m talking about trivial things where people who can’t accept that others have a different opinion choose to resort to superiority and suggestions that’s they lack standards, values and intelligence.

You don’t agree with me so you must be thick/have low standards/be completely desperate and so on.

This is the internet. People will have different views. Based on your own upbringing, experience and values you may agree or disagree. You should expect a little insanity now and again. If it upsets you, scroll on by.

Totally agree. Hate 'your bar is very low' NO it's not. It just in a more strategic position to catch the important stuff