Not wanting to visit family in Lebanon

[Glazey]

Hi All,

So I need some advice. My late husband passed away at the end of 2023, he was Lebanese. He and I lived together in Beirut for many years and loved the country but the decision to move back to the UK in 2021, when we found out I was pregnant.
I haven’t been back to Lebanon since but his parents and sister were able to come here for his funeral.

I have 3 small children who are twins that are almost 4 and a 20 month old.

His family live in Beirut and are keen to see us, his sister now has a child of her own and his extended family haven’t met the children. Until last month it was an easy no, there was a blanket “no travel” ban from the FCDO on the whole country, but it was updated and while some areas are still no travel or none but essential the area of Beirut his family live in is now technically okay.

Im now receiving a lot of pressure to visit them over new year, for 6 days. My twins will be school age by then so it will be going immediately after Christmas and back before school starts back. I’m on a low income but his family have offered to pay for our flights and let us stay with them.

I’m not sure I want to go and these are the reasons why: the security situation in Lebanon can still be unpredictable, even if I’ll be staying with family in a safer area. Access to healthcare and services could be limited, and there’s always the chance that tensions could escalate without warning. It just feels like a lot of stress to deal with, especially with young kids. I also haven’t flown with the kids alone yet, we have a euro camp Italy trip coming up in the summer so I guess I could hold off and decide after that.

On the other hand, I have many friends in Beirut who I miss and would love to see, and I totally understand why his family are keen to seem them. I also want to expose my kids to that side of their heritage. I still love the country and miss it dearly but that doesn’t stop the worry.

So would you go in these circumstances? I’m so undecided! AIBU thinking I should hold off and wait until things have been stable for a while? Or is it a case of you only live once and you never know what will happen so I should take them now and let them meet their family and enjoy seeing my old friends?

I probably wouldn’t, not right now, give it a year and see how things are.

I love Beirut ❤️.

I'm sorry that your husband died. I can imagine it would be a very precious time going to visit your family and friends there, and add richness to your life, and your children's.

Is there someone who could go over with you so that you're not on your own with the kids? How far in advance do you need to book tickets?

I would definitely go. If you love it and people you love are there, your loyalty has to be there. I would go there and be true to your heritage, your children deserve to b with family and where family is.

I wouldn’t go for the reasons you mentioned. Why can’t they visit? Or you all meet up somewhere halfway

It’s not her heritage.

It’s a tough one but ultimately I could imagine it might be a healing process for you after losing your husband if you revisit the place you both loved and show your kids their family and heritage.

As you know, Lebanon is particularly vulnerable with the airport essentially being the only way out, but things do seem much more stable for the moment so maybe book at short notice and be prepared to cancel if things deteriorate again. We went to Bekaa and Baalbek in 2018 and the valley was on the Foreign Office warning list even back then, but was nonetheless pretty safe for tourism.

So you were in Beirut in August 2020? That must have been really traumatic for you.

Cost more than anything, flights would be about the same and I can’t accommodate them in my home as it’s too small. The Lebanese Economy is in ruins and they’ve been saving to be able to cover our flights as soon as it was safe to travel.

Yes we were in Beirut when the port Explosion happened, terrifying day. We were living over in West Beirut so the damage was mostly shattered windows but the psychological damage has been long lasting, I have PTSD now as a result.

As I’m sure you know though Lebanon is a resilient country with some of the best people I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet and we were able to go stay with friends and family for a bit.

Truly shows the risks of a corrupt and dysfunctional government though.

Well it’s not my heritage but it is my children’s heritage and I lived there for 6 years (some of my best and most formative years at that), so I do feel like I’ve been shaped by those years and I do miss Lebanon, I’m not sure anywhere will feel like home quite like Beirut did ever again.

Oops!

What about suggesting that it would make more sense to wait till the summer holidays (in 2026), because then you could potentially stay a bit longer (and the dc will be slightly older)?

I have flown with twins and a younger baby and I think I’d wait if you can. It’s really really hard getting to the toilet when no one is totally reliable. I also would be nervous to go to Lebanon at the moment (I’m not a wuss and have lived in the ME).

How awful for you experiencing that - I suppose another consideration, in addition to the current security situation, would be how your PTSD reacts to being back there. Would you be able (or want) to visit your old neighbourhood? How will being a parent affect your feelings of safety/risk?

I only visited three times (while my DD was studying and living there) so knew it way less well than you, but whenever people like taxi drivers and the passport guy asked if I‘d enjoyed my stay, I would reply ‘Absolutely, It’s a wonderful, beautiful country, but a very complicated one’. People tended to nod at that. Such a pity that the student protests didn’t succeed and overthrow the corruption. A whole generation of young talent seems to have left in the last few years.

I hope you do go, but it has to be your decision and nobody else’s.

Do check the cost of good travel insurance, as that’s a consideration. I was shocked at the increase in cost when I last renewed it.