My friend gambled £10k and won £50k *Content warning- gambling addiction* Edited by MNHQ

[JoeyKat]

My friend has a gambling addiction and recently relapsed. She took out a loan to gamble and won £50k. I have a mix of feelings but I don't want to express these too her. She has a family with 3 children and a husband and I just think this was so irresponsible and reckless but I guess that's the addiction. I want to be happy for her but am scared this could be a downward spiral for her. She claims she will never do it again now and has banned herself from casinos and online betting. Half of the money she won has gone back to repaying debts. The rest will go on holidays and her home that she owns. She has basically spent it in her head already and says it doesn't go far but had obviously helped her massively.

Am I being unreasonable to not be happy for her and think this was such a reckless thing to do?

Of course it was reckless
and I wouldn’t believe her that’s she’s banned herself from casinos etc
unless she’s being actively treated for her addiction she’s lying to herself and family
poor husband and kids :-(

This win was the worst thing that could have happened to your friend. She needs professional help.

If she took out a loan to gamble, she has a serious problem. And gambling 10k! There’ll be a lot more she’s gambled she’s not admitting too (and list).

wonder what she told (lied to) the bank the loan was for?

Absolutely this. She’ll be forever chasing it now.

Why would you be happy for her ? This win will confirm to her that she should continue , no way has she stopped

she has probably lost it all by now
soooo addictive

Just to add - apparently betting sites and casinos have a 1 year block and this is why she relapsed. The 1 year had recently passed. It's just awful - these sites should permanently ban gamblers to prevent a relapse. So she is now banned for another year but I'm worried this could be a pattern for her every year.

She took out a debt consolidation loan.

This.

The win will have encouraged not discouraged her.

When the dopamine hit from paying off the loan, getting her house done and a few holidays is over then ……

that’s why it’s called addiction.

You can't help her if she's justifying this, and she will do it again. Ask her outright to seek help from Gamble Aware. Does her husband know she is a gambler? I personally would tell him, not to be mean but to give him a heads up. My ex almost lost us our home over gambling like this starts as £10k loan and then escalates to bigger ones against the house. It's an illness, and trying in any way to indulge her or celebrate this 'win' would be so wrong. Help her get help but her husband needs to know for the sake of their children and home.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Yes her husband knows.

I had / have a gambling addiction, and I banned myself for life, from anyone of those sites. You can do this using Gamstop. Even if you only stop yourself for a year, they won’t just reactivate your accounts, you have to contact them to get them to do it.

i am stunned that she hasn’t just gambled the whole winnings away .. or she may well do. You have to stop forever, you can’t dip in and put.

I last gambled in 2018 .. so you can do it.

You can actually ban yourself for 5 years. But a lot of people do 1 year in hopes they will be able to gamble in a more controlled way at the end of the year. The time that the ban stops is a major relapse point for addicts.

YANBU. It's sad and harmful when anyone continues/relapses in an addiction. Probably even worse when they get apparent positive reinforcement like a gambling win.

I guess a lot may depend on how she feels about it herself, and how people are reacting to the news. But it sounds like an overall bad thing to have happened to her life.

You're right to be worried.

I like to put small bets on a sport I like. I maybe spend £10- £15 a month maximum.

Last year I got an offer which was deposit £10, get an extra £10 to use on slots. I never play slots but I used my free credit and won around £500. I withdrew it straight away. But for a few days after I did find myself thinking, if I won it once I could win it again and I was so, so tempted to play more. I didn't. But I can see that winning some money made me want to gamble more.

Unfortunately I think a big win could have a bad effect on your friend. I wouldn't be surprised if some or all of her win goes back to the gambling sites.

Your friend could look into getting a bank card that doesn't allow gambling transactions. My Monzo account has the option to bar gambling transactions. I don't know how easy is it to get the bar removed but I doubt it's impossible so probably won't work for her in the long term.

She might need to seriously consider giving her husband control of her finances. Assuming he can be trusted not to be abusive about it.

She was already in major trouble when she took a loan to gamble.

It (and by that, I mean the gambling site) owns you after that. You lose, you keep playing because you’re due a win. You win, you keep playing because your luck is in.

Either chasing the loss, or chasing the euphoria of winning. Regardless, the money’s going back to the gambling site.

I played slots and mostly lost, but one time I won about £1900 from a £1.80 spin. Withdrew £1800, played on with the other £100. Lost it.

Then it was “well £1500 is still a great win, I’ll transfer £300 back to play with”, lost that too. Then “ok I’ll do one more transfer but I’m taking the £1000 profit”.

Had to put a block on my banking app so that no transactions can go through.

Gambling is our generation’s smoking. Advertised everywhere, promoted endlessly but causing a shocking level of harm. Back in the day, they did the same with cigarettes - adverts, promotional giveaways when you bought a certain number of packs. It’s the same thing.

There’ll come a day where future generations will wonder how we had gambling advertised on TV, internet, football shirts etc.