Desperation baby will not be put down

[Xxx122]

Mums I am defeated! My little boy has turned 6 months old. I could bore you with details but severe colic as a baby, still medicated with Lansoprazole for reflux. Tried amino acid formula caused a feeding aversion.

Anyway, things have obviously improved from the colic stage. But as soon as this boy is put down and not being held he cries and cries. When being held the majority of the time he is happy!

Im at a loss as i have a 2 year old. I cannot physically hold him all the time and im getting so overstimulated!

His naps are terrible throughout the day ranging from 15-40 minutes. Meaning he is overtired most of the time, wont be soothed back to sleep.

I have tried today to just put him on his play mat and leave him. He cries and then will stop for a few moments at most.

If he is down the only way he won’t cry, is if I'm actively engaging which obviously isn’t possible all of the time.

We have been referred to Peads but of course theres a 10 month wait list. GPs just think im bonkers as he smiles at them when i take him. HV is no help.

This sounds absolutely awful but sometimes, I find myself regretting having a second child!

Yes he is always upright for 15/20 minutes after feeding formula or purees

One of my DC was like this, I feel your pain! Luckily it was my eldest, it must be really tricky if you have a toddler at the same time

I used to use a sling with mine and it at least meant I had my arms free... or occasionally I could lay on the sofa with him and spoon him until he was asleep then very carefully replace my body with cushions. It only worked some of the time but could be worth trying if you haven't already.

If you can hack it then I would encourage trying the new formula. Does he have night feeds? I would start with a night feed or first bottle of the day when they are more likely to just neck it. There are tricks like doing ratios and gradually switching and/or adding vanilla essence to make more palatable then reducing off that.

The reason I say that is both my kids have had milk allergy and with my daughter it was 6 months of "colic" leading to PNA/PND before getting her on the right formula and it seemed that it took ages for her gut to heal and tolerate a wider range of foods. When we first started she even reacted to pear and apple puree causing worse reflux. I think I stuck with her safe foods of peaches, porridge made with oat milk and raspberries, butternut squash, avocado plus vegan pancakes using GF flour, for ages. She got hives with eggs until 10.5 months then grew out of that but couldn't have soft cooked egg/omelette for 3 days in a row until maybe 18 months old due to tummy upset. She also didn't tolerate gluten well until past 11 months and then gradually built up quantity.

My son I breastfed milk free until 4 months then tried milk formula for a few weeks just to see if defo allergy, then pushed for nutramigen. Though he had feeding aversion linked to illness and tongue tie, he has always tolerated eggs, wheat and a range of foods much better much earlier - the exception being parsnip like my daughter.

So definitely recommend the food diary and keeping on the same food for 2-3 days to look for reaction, then build a list of safe foods. Anything that results in what I call the "4am screamies" gets parked and avoided for a few months. 3-5am is peak rest and digest so if he's more unsettled then I would look at what he ate the previous day. We had things easier in that my daughter didn't get teeth until 11+ months so could rule out that as cause of nighttime upset when starting weaning.

It's a minefield honestly but you'll get there. I don't think mums of babies with no allergies understand the stress and second guessing that comes with allergy babies! "Have you tried putting them down and seeing if they'll self settle?" Fuck off! If they're uncomfortable with wind, gas, reflux, tummy upset, etc. that just won't happen. They just cry, get upset and take in air and end up with worse wind. Though will say when they learn to sit up and crawl it defo helps with shifting wind and reflux as upright, so hopefully he makes some progress there soon.

If your back aches after using the sling, I would say you need a much better one to support the weight of him. We had an Ergo baby which clips around your waist to take most of the weight off your shoulders. My 2nd child spent most of her life in it as a baby! It was comfortable to wear for hours.

Mine got frustrated and hated tummy time but wer also slow to sit. I found one of those inflatable playnest rings great, they could sit and see and also stretch out, not hurt themselves and build up their core muscles that way.

Galt Toys, Playnest and Gym - Farm, Sit Me Up Baby Seat, Ages 0 Months Plus https://amzn.eu/d/i1b8GBX

I feel you, my second was like this. Sling helped but remember this too shall pass! Once he's on the move it'll be a distant memory. Something else will be difficult of course

My dd was like this. For us the issue wasn’t her tummy, we eventually figured out it was autism. It’s really hard when they just scream and scream and won’t be put down.

what helped me the most was acceptance. Just accepting that this was a phase of life and I needed to adapt to her bizarre sleep schedule and needs. I only had one child though. I also had a DH who came home every night and cleaned the house and made dinner.

So I am going to recommend two things. The first is to get your oldest into care a bit earlier. You need a break somehow and that is a concrete thing you can change.

the second is to try some different baby carriers. I had back pain too, but some worked better than others. Being able to put the baby in a sling or in an upright carrier really helped. I never managed to get her on my back by myself, but I think that would have been the most comfortable. I was just too nervous for that one.

Mine didn't like lying down, so a door bouncer, and God forbid a walker with toys on the tray, meant that they would be upright and ok on their own for a short time.

In my dc case, they were all walking at 8 months old so it didn't hold them back although our health visitor was scandalised.

I hate to say that op but I have had 2 kids like this and unfortunately this became their personality somewhat. My oldest at 9 is much better but a child very much attached and clingy. My toddler is the same. Both had severe colic, reflux, fussy eaters etc and because they just got so used to being held or soothed so much they became very high needs and need constant interaction. I do think it’s a behaviour that they learn and very hard to undo.

My (just turned) 10 month old is still like this, always has been like this.
I BF and he's never shown any symptoms of reflux, colic etc.. just a needy baby

I love him, but honestly sometimes wish id just stuck with the one baby... had to get my OH to come home early yesterday I was in tears at the end of my tether

Thank you so much. Funny enough it was only yesterday, my brother said you need to let him self soothe. When he is left, the crying just gets worse and he gets into a state where nothing will comfort him!

I am going to try it during the night feed tonight. He feeds lovely during the night. During the day he is still fussy, you can tell he is hungry but doesn’t really want it! If only they made it taste as good as normal formula!

In the full swing of PND. Thankfully mostly controlled with meds, but there is only so much crying you can hear before it gets too much! Combined with poor sleep and no personal space!

I keep waiting for the famous ‘’they grow out if it stage’’

It must be so frustrating if you cant find a reason for it! And the older they get the heavier to carry!

If my OH didnt work in the north sea, You bet i would be calling him to relieve me!

Sending lots of love. I hope it gets better soon Xxx

I did consider if it was because he is so used to being held because of his reflux ect!

Its so hard to know but my gut tells me that its something more.

My little girl suffered with reflux, but as soon as she was medicated she was a dream!