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Original poster

Weird relationship

13 replies

Clmtrrt · 04/05/2025 13:32

TW - narcissist, emotional abuse

My 36 year old ex and coparent has started following a 19 year old girl on instagram who does onlyfans, and she follows him back.

I don't know the nature of the relationship but he told me hes looking for a longterm relationship. He is a narcissist though, so what he says can never be fully trusted.

I dont want to offend anyone, but Im a bit concerned about this relationship especially as our son is so young (1).

Does anyone else find this a bit weird given the age gap??

A part of me also feels inadequate because although he treated me awfully and was very emotionally abusive, he even cheated with a close friend of mine whilst I was pregnant, I still find myself wanting him to want me like he did when things were good. He was obsessed with me and now he couldn't care less.

Having a baby has also made me feel a bit mumsy, rather than the person I used to me. I don't feel desirable anymore.

OP posts:
blueleavesgreensky · 04/05/2025 13:34

The most concerning thing in your post to me is that with all the red flag behaviours the main issue to you seems to be that she’s hotter than you.

you need to work on this. Maybe with a therapist. He sounds awful

Uricon2 · 04/05/2025 13:37

Any answers you are likely to get will same the same thing. You are well rid of the cheating sad case who follows a young woman nearly half his age on Instagram/Only Fans apparently in the hope of a serious relationship.

Your confidence is knocked but concentrate on you and your baby going forward, try not to let this waster have any more of your time or headspace and you can regain it.

Poppyseeds79 · 04/05/2025 13:39

Don't be looking him up online it's only going to fuel you being not over him. Chances are she's not going to be even interested in seeing him, but even if she does it's nothing to do with you.

Calamitousness · 04/05/2025 13:43

He does not have any relationship with the 19yr old OF girl. She’s following him for money so he continues to support her online. His behaviour is horrible but unlikely to involve his 1yr old other than his perception and treatment of women is unlikely to be that of a man you’d want to be a role model. But I think that would be the case, OF follower/user or not. You had a child with this type of person unfortunately. You’ll just have to model appropriate behaviours and hope when he’s older that your son is guided by you as presumably the main caregiver rather than the waste of space father.

blackballfinal · 04/05/2025 13:46

The weirdest part of this to me is that you know who he follows.

PizzaPunk · 04/05/2025 13:46

He's following a 19 year old woman on Insta that's all, so it's not a 'weird relationship'.

In the nicest possible way, you need to move on and just concentrate on you and your child.

He's your ex now.

MoominMai · 04/05/2025 13:59

He was obsessed with me and now couldn’t care less

Well there are men who are only in it for the chase unfortunately. Also, by your own admission he’s a narcissistic cheater so why do you you still want to be desired by him?

I’d just concentrate on being a great mum to your young child and focusing on building a secure future for yourselves where you’re not dependant on any man. If a good one comes by later then great, but honestly after all you’ve been through also there’s better things for you to focus on. Inner strength and confidence is massively attractive to the right person. It not all about the exterior as you’ve already discovered ♥️

Cakencookieobsessed · 04/05/2025 14:03

blackballfinal · 04/05/2025 13:46

The weirdest part of this to me is that you know who he follows.

Yes this. Why do you you even know who he follows online and why do you care? It's none of your business.

smallsilvercloud · 04/05/2025 14:06

Are you worried she maybe the new girlfriend and being around your child? I’d say probably not, she’s most likely following to draw attention to her only fans and he’s just another sad guy following her.
most importantly is he a good co parenting dad that you trust with your child, that’s all you need to worry about, when he comes to his love life or who he fancies, leave him to it, it’s not a reflection of your worthiness. Being a good mum and living your best life is way better to focus on than who he has his eye on, he’s an ex for reason, remember that.

JoyDreamer86 · 04/05/2025 14:06

He is simply following a hot chick online, it's not a relationship.

BingoWingoForties · 04/05/2025 14:10

You don’t need to be jealous of her, she’s just following him as part of her way of making money.
As long as he’s not spending money on her rather than your child, it’s nothing to do with you. And if anything, it’s kinda pathetic?

TweetingHurricane · 04/05/2025 14:44

JoyDreamer86 · 04/05/2025 14:06

He is simply following a hot chick online, it's not a relationship.

Still grim and says a lot about him.
But I agree with others that you need to move on from this sleazy fucker, forget him and be happy

mindutopia · 04/05/2025 14:55

Surely, they aren’t in a relationship. She’s just in it for the likes and money. The more you can convince a man that you are interested in him, the more likely he is to pay for a higher subscription. Is she even real? And even a woman? Lots of these profiles are fakes or bots anyway. Sounds a bit like the young lad Dh employed years ago. He was convinced that hot women in his area were ready to meet up with him now just because he got his first email account and all the spam he got told him it was true. 😂

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