Christmas - family staying

[rainbowmaverick]

Traditionally my parents come to our house on Christmas Day morning and stay until Boxing Day evening. I love my parents and we have a good relationship but they’re just not easy house guests! They sleep in separate bedrooms at home due to snoring/insomnia and won’t stay in the same bedroom at our house, even for 1 night! Which means my mum (who is not an early riser) chooses to sleep downstairs on the sofa with their dogs. This means that when I come down in the morning with my twin 4DD’s I need to wake my mum up who then eventually goes upstairs to my daughter’s room to continue sleeping. Neither my mum or dad make an appearance much before 10.30/11 and we’re left looking after their dogs, one of whom I don’t trust an inch, trying to sort the house out and prepare lunch and look after 2 little ones. For context, we have a 3 bedroom house and my daughter’s share a room so my Dad sleeps in the spare room. Downstairs there is only the kitchen diner and lounge so no extra reception rooms. I know it might sound like I’m being petty as it’s just 1 night, but we’re also hosting Christmas so lots of planning and preparation goes into it. I just find it bloody rude that they can’t sleep in the same room for 1 night and that they don’t get up at a reasonable time on Boxing Day day to lend a hand. I’d rather they just went home Christmas Day evening. AIBU?

edit. My parents are in their early sixties and in good health

So given it's only May now, set some boundaries. Give them plenty of notice to sort a dog sitter out and say that if they want to stay there's only one bedroom available. Job done.

Tell them that for their Christmas present you are paying for a taxi to take them back home. That would drag me absolutely nuts especially looking after their dogs.

YANBU about getting up at a reasonable time, and looking after their own dogs, however trying to sleep next to a snorer is miserable. Say something early and suggest your mum might be more comfortable at home. How far away do they live? Suggest they sleep at home and you go over there boxing day afternoon? Plan a trip to the panto on boxing day and meet them there?

Tell them that things will be different this year. The dogs can't come and no one will be sleeping downstairs. They either sleep together or one of them (or both) books a hotel room. Absolutely no way I'd allow that to happen in my house. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean you're still a child. You can stand up for yourself and your family

Well don’t you just need to tell them?

I’m slightly confused about what you’re left doing on Boxing Day? Clearing up from the day before? Or is it the dogs that are the issue? Im
not sure why your parents staying in separate rooms is really the issue here as you say you can go in and wake her up.
Either way talk to them about it, they’re most likely oblivious to how it effects you and ask how you can work it out together

Many older couples have separate duvets or separate beds. Men are prone to restless legs syndrome, for example. They won’t be able to share a standard double like young couples, but they might be willing to share a room if there were two singles (and use eye masks and ear plugs). This is probably what they do on holiday. You could invest in two proper single beds in that spare bedroom and job’s a goodun.

YANBU at all, time for a change this year, talk about it now OP.

Why do people think it's OK to foist their dogs on others? I think that's where I'd start tbh. I'd say no dogs this year and that might encourage them to go home Xmas day

YANBU.

Bring it up within the next month or so, and issue a Christmas Day only invite, saying you’d love to see them for Christmas Day, but you aren’t hosting any overnight guests this year. They are welcome to come for just the day, or if they want to make a night of it, they could find an AirBNB or hotel close by to stay that night, and then come over on Boxing Day too.

Then hold firm.

Tell them that they can only come if they share a bed and get up early enough to look after their own dogs (or they can find someone to look after the dogs or put them in kennels). The current arrangement sounds really stressful for you and your DH. Are you parents normally this selfish?

If your mum goes upstairs then there’s minimal impact on you really. Is the issue the dogs? Can they go in a dog crate til someone gets up to supervise them so you don’t have to worry about them around your kids whilst you’re busy sorting?

I have lived with a snorer, and it's hell, so I have some sympathy for your mum. But your parents shouldn't expect to impose their issues on your whole family (issues being the separate sleeping and their dogs).

If they 1) can't share a room and 2) can't do something with the dogs, you need to tell them that going forwards, the invitation to them is for the day only. And no dogs.

It'll cause a BIG fuss. But they've got 7 months to sort out the dogs. And to arrange either a way to get home (or depending on distance) a hotel or Airbnb.

TBH, they'll probably have a strop and refuse to come. But that is their choice.

Well that doesn’t sound fun for you at all!
Tell your mum you’ll need her to sleep in with your dad (earplugs etc, it’s one night!)
and one of them will also need to get up when their dogs do to watch them (I’d consider asking them to not bring the dogs to be honest if you really don’t trust one with your kids)
If they don’t want to do this tell them they are welcome for the day but will need to book a taxi home.

It’s a long weekend in May and you are sat worrying about Christmas sleeping arrangements? Use your words and tell your parents before they arrive on Christmas Day and spend this lovely weekend doing something fun.

Start with you aren’t having the dogs and see what they say. Would they stay in an Airbnb? Someone sleeping downstairs is extremely disruptive if it’s your only living space, at Christmas too! Or tell them you’re going away and book something lovely now. How far away do they live? Can’t they just go home?

@rainbowmaverick how far away do they live from you??

Surely it’s their turn to host? Is it close enough for you to drive for the day? Yes one of you will have to Miss wine with dinner, but makes it easier and you can have a nicer Boxing Day.

How incredibly selfish of them. Firstly with the dogs nonsense. And then it’s Xmas morning they should be waking at least earlier to do something with the kids or helping with breakfast. Also taking over the living area isn’t acceptable too! What is the point of them even coming if they are going to be such an inconvenience. I’m surprised your husband is ok with all of this. I would be making it clear from now that plans have changed this year.

I think you’re being unreasonable about them sharing a room but not about getting up at a reasonable time.
Can your mum sleep in one of your DDs beds and have one of your DDs on a small airbed in their room or in with you?
In the morning I would send the kids in to wake them up tbh , it is rude to sleep that late when you’re a guest especially if that means you’re dealing with their dogs.
But maybe they just think Boxing Day is for resting? Do they help with prep and cleaning on Christmas Day?

Honestly all the people saying just make them share a bed are very unreasonable. Why should your mum get no sleep. Clearly the snoring is bad if she chooses the sofa over sharing a bed. Are the dogs the main issue?? Them sleeping late and ruining plans??

You don't have to have them stay at all. Tell them to book somewhere and get them to sort out care for the dogs. Why do you put up with this. Don't they realise how selfish they are being ruining your Christmas. Have you ever had a Christmas with just you DH and kids.

Put your mum in your daughter's bedroom, father in the spare (if there a spare ?) & your kids camp out on the floor for the evening or in your room

In an ideal world yes they just wouldn't come but realistically Mumsnet isn't real life & for one day a year where you invite others into your home you make yourself uncomfy to accommodate them or look for a hotel if your lucky enough to live near 1

Solution 1: Muster up your confidence and tell them they are only invited to visit for Christmas Day, not to stay over.

Solution 2: You and DH sleep in the lounge for the one night, with your parents using your bedroom and the spare bedroom, snoozing until as late as they want.

Solution 3: You go to their house for Christmas Day instead.

I do agree it’s rude not to get up at a reasonable time when you are staying at someone else’s house. But I don’t agree they should be getting up to lend a hand - my guests are expected to relax and enjoy themselves, not lend me a hand! And I’m with your mum on the snoring! I cannot share a bedroom with a snorer because it means I would not sleep at all, all night, and even just one night without sleep is too much to bear.