What Do I Do?

[TheCoralMoose]

My husband who is a lot older has always been controlling but has got worse over about nine years.

Today he produced a sex toy and aggressively struck my anus with it.
I told him stop i dont like it he called me boring and struck me on the head with it.
Today he said if i try to get half of our house in a divorce he will destroy me.
Last month he told me he didnt like my hair i got it cut one length his ex wife has a one length bob.
On boxing day last year i didnt feel well had a bad cold his daughter exwife and his daughters husband and in laws were going for a meal and he said i had to go i felt really scared.
Since then its got worse.
He said he isnt a bully and dont call him that and all his mates in the pub know he is a nice man i havent been out with him in years i feel so isolated and its making me ill.
My GP said im depressed.
My husband said i have lied to the doctor to get sympathy.
Should i go back to the doctor and tell them whats happening.
He also said the police dont believe everyone.

Yeah, you need to need to leave him. Horrible man.

OP I'm sorry you're still going through this. You've posted about him before and it's upsetting that it's still happening.

You can contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline which is open 24/7. You can also contact Rape Crisis who are also available 24/7.

He sounds dreadful OP. Do you need to speak to the police? Is he being violent towards you?

He is a bad person.

He has said i could be homeless.

His house im not on deeds.

You definitely need to tell someone in real life, if your GP is sympathetic then that might be a good place to start. Hopefully they will signpost you to local resources so you can leave this abusive man.

He has struck me twice and coercive with sex.

If he's your husband it's not as easy as him saying it's his house. I do think you need to report this to the police because you need all the backing you can get. Do you have any family you could go and live with? Do you have children together?

You can contact Rights of Women for free legal advice.

Life is much easier once you have removed yourself from the situation. It's scary but also a relief.

Please speak to your GP as it's all completely confidential. They can help get things in place for you to escape. Speak to a close friend or family member and very slowly move clothing etc there. When it comes to the day of leaving you won't have much time so the more thats already there helps. Try to not take too much or he notice over time
Sending hugs

Have you posted about him before? Some of this sounds familiar.

I think you need to stop thinking about this only in terms of what to tell your GP - you absolutely should tell your GP, because it’s relevant to your mental and possibly physical health, and they might be able to signpost you to organisations that could be helpful. But the GP can’t do anything themselves about your domestic situation.

You are in a very, very abusive marriage and a victim of sexual assault (and possibly rape) and coercive control. You need to get out of your marriage.

Please try and call Women’s Aid, at the very least, and ideally also the police.

Your mental health is certainly linked to the abuse you’re suffering from your repulsive husband. You are living with an abusive sex offender; this would affect anyone’s mental health. However, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t benefit from medical help with your anxiety/depression.

My heart goes out to you. Nobody should have to suffer what you’re going through. Your husband is scum.

No we dont have children.
Married 24 years.

There are housing options for women in situations like yours. Also, if you are married, you will likely have certain rights to his property. Again - Women’s Aid should be able to advise.

He is physically, sexually and emotionally abusive. You really need to stop listening to his lies and intimidation. He is controlling you. Anything he says about you and your relationship can be ignored, frankly; he’s manipulating you to control you.

I'd rather be homeless than living with him and this treatment.
Get help and get away .

This is awful sorry you're going through this. 24 is such a long time. Do you have somewhere you can go and get away from this man?

You need to leave him.

This image should help you get really clear about what other abuse might be going on in your relationship. In terms of your next steps I would google domestic abuse charity and your county and see if you can find some one on one support. They will help you with safely exiting the relationship and reporting it to the police if that’s what you wish to do. It’s important you have a good exit strategy as often abuse can get worse when you try and leave.

OP, you've been married to him for a long time, please don't believe him, just because the house is in his name, it doesn't mean that you won't have a claim on it. You may even be entitled to half of his assets, now wouldn't that be a lovely revenge?

Please take the advice given here about talking to your GP. Tell him/her everything, about the assaults, and the sexual coercion. All of this is more than enough to be the cause of your depression. Tell them that you want to get away from him, but you are afraid that he'll hurt you, and ask them for help. I feel sure they'll be able to point you in the direction of people that can give you help and advice.

Just another question, do you work OP?

I meant to vote YANBU but hit the wrong one. He sounds like an abusive twat!