I'm posting on AIBU for traffic.
My darling sister has been at the bedside of her beloved ex-DP for 9 days since he suffered a massive heart attack. He nominated her as next of kin (NOK)whilst lucid to the paramedics.
Neither of them were aware that he was having a heart attack when the ambulance arrived. He's only just turned 46, that day.
DSis has been the only person in his life for years. He barely sees his family and has no friends anymore.
I'll call him Tom for ease.
Tom is a an addict. Alcohol, cigarettes and weed. He cannot function without any of these crutches.
DSis met him 18 years ago and they were in a serious committed relationship for 13 years. When younger his addictions weren't so concerning but as they grew older and started discussing children etc it became clear he wasn't able to make healthy choices and was deeply in the grip of a spiralling addiction. DSis financially supported him for years, begged and pleaded with him to get support but ultimately realised he was not able to change. So in 2020 she made the desperately difficult decision to end their relationship and leave their home.
She still loves him and he loves her. She has stayed in his life as a friend and as the years have passed he has lost anyone else who may have cared once as it's very hard to understand and support an addict who is slowly destroying themselves.
Rewind 7 years - DSis, knowing that Tom needed help and at her wits end with what to do, appealed to his parents for help. This backfired hugely as they took it as criticism of them, there was a massive falling out and they have refused to speak to her ever since. They have very little to do with Tom. They give him money when asked but don't seem able to accept how very unwell and in need of support he has been. They absolutely HATE DSis for asking them to help Tom.
Following the heart attack they did not come to the hospital for 8 days. His mother still hasn't visited. His father arrived on thursday and by yesterday afternoon he had managed to get his delirious, gravely unwell son to revoke DSis' status as his NOK.
He has now banned her from visiting Tom and also told the medical staff to no longer update her on his health.
She's been there every hour she's been allowed to be. For 9 days. Despite the fact they aren't together, they love each other. He needs her to advocate for him. He has been asking the staff for her when she isn't there.
His prognosis is dire. He needs a heart transplant. His heart is destroyed by years of alcohol and smoking.
As she was told to leave yesterday, she learnt that things look even worse with a further clot in his heart.
His father watched them saying their goodbyes, both distraught. And cared not a jot. He has sent away his son's only person for his own selfish reasons.
I've been googling frantically and trying to figure out where to turn for advice but all the avenues look shut for the bank holiday. We don't know if he'll still be here on Tuesday.
So I'm appealing to you wise MNers for any advice.
Is there anyone who can intervene?
It is so cruel so keep them apart and the only reason is a bizarre form of revenge...
It seems he must have coerced the change of NOK as Tom hasn't been lucid for days
Anyway - it's long and complicated. I hope that someone has some advice for us.