To think there should be a toilet in a baby changes

[Cinai2]

Whenever out on my own with my baby, I either use the toilet while having him in a sling which is neither comfortable nor hygienic, or when he’s sleeping in his pram I need to leave the door to my cubicle open and let go of my last bit of dignity. Which actually I only did once, if my baby sleeps in his pram and I need the loo I just don’t go, but that’s no solution either. Admittedly (and I know there’s a strong opposition on MN) I’m very happy to find a baby change combined with a disabled toilet so that I can change him and use the toilet at the same time. I’m aware that this admission alone will give me a big YABU but should there be better provisions for women with babies to actually use the toilet in a dignified way?

It’s so frustrating when baby change doesn’t have a toilet. In that situation though, I would just use the disabled/accessible toilet. If it’s the only one I am able to access with baby/buggy then it’s perfectly reasonable to use it.

Just get a radar key, you'll only be in there 30 seconds?

I’ve done this a couple of times as well when I couldn’t hold it any longer but I know how frowned upon this is

I've seen public toilets with larger cubicles for mums with prams, or for a carer and child They make so much sense!

Yes agree! Kings Cross station has a baby change with no toilet. So when I'm on my own with two DDs, I have to take us all into the baby change to change DD2s nappy, and then join the queue for the main loo (where there isn't a cubicle big enough for us all anyway) for DD1 and I to wee with the door open whilst I watch the buggy. Clearly designed by someone who has never had to take small children to be changed / into the toilet.

As with many things, they're generally designed by and for men...

I agree with you @Cinai2

And every “just 30 seconds” makes things harder for people with disabilities.

It’s bad planning, just like it’s bad planning when the only baby change is in the disabled toilet. But as always it’s those with disabilities who end up suffering most because the one space they can use becomes to go to for everyone else.

I always used to wear leggings as you can take them up and down with one hand. Leave buggy outside, carry baby in, go to toilet one handed, put baby back in buggy, adjust clothing surreptitiously. Perfectly fine.
You're knackered with twins though!

We used to have a John Lewis nearby that had a 'family toilet'. It was a larger room with a baby change, regular toilet and a smaller toilet for young children to use. If I was there with my 3yo and baby it was ideal. If only more places did this.

It's not a John Lewis anymore and DCs are well beyond this stage, but OP you are not unreasonable - it is one of those issues that mums of babies face regularly.

As a disabled person I have no issue with parents with prams and buggies using the disabled toilet if there is no toilet in the baby changing area. Totally get the fear of a child being taken. However, they will be lucky to get in a disabled WC as there are always people who think that they will avoid the queue at the ladies or that they need the additional privacy of the disabled facility or that their family of six would be better catered for in the disabled facilities as only five of the children need to change mucky clothes etc.

Don't forget we will also be catering for all the gender questioning people as well.

Explains why I don't have a drink if I go out!

One of the best surprises I ever found was a baby change also with a strap in toddler seat, with enough room for a large pram. Then a toilet with a small wall so you can keep some semblance of dignity whilst keeping an eye on the children. Plus obviously hand washing facilities and it didn't smell!! It was like it had actually been designed for women for a change. It's literally the smallest of things, but the basic you should expect is a toilet that is big enough to fit a pram in. Best places are usually modern shopping centres, garden centres and department stores.

I just used the disabled toilet in these circumstances.

I genuinely am very quick in the toilet and not once have I ever kept anyone waiting.

I wish there were better alternatives but I am not going to damage my health by not using the toilet when I need to.

I also use the disabled toilet when this happens. It’s really poor design and I’d rather not use them.

YANBU OP, when I went to Japan, the toilets had places to safely put the baby in the toilet cubicle while you went. And full size changers in the changing facility, so disabled adults/older children could be changed too.

When I’m stuck and in this situation I use the disabled toilet as quickly as possible. I don’t make a habit of it but it’s been the only option a couple of times.

I use the disabled toilet.

Why? They are for people with additional accessibility requirements, which in my opinion includes parents with children in prams if that’s the only place they can go. Not a chance would I leave my child in a pram unattended and why should Mum’s (because it is usually Mum’s) be forced to go to the toilet with the door open?

Who’s frowning upon it? If that’s the toilet that’s the only truly accessible /most practical to use with my baby/toddler then I’m using it. I’d dare that to be frowned upon tbh 🤣

Agree

And also many women with babies have continence/urgency issues and I think that's also what these toilets are here for

If the only toilet you can access safely is the accessible one then so it! Don’t ever feel you have to put your child in an unsafe position just incase someone may judge you for using it, your needs are no less important than anyone else’s.

When with my baby I always go for places with biggish public loos. There is a rule somewhere that if there are 4+ cubicles, one of them has to be "enlarged". Sometimes there's a baby change table in there, sometimes not, but there is usualy at least space to park the buggy and close the door (the doors often open outwards). They're usually at the end of the row. It took me til my firstborn was about 6 months old to figure this out!

True. There’s no other option and like you say I don’t want to leave my baby while I go for a wee. Or not have privacy!

I wouldn't feel safe with the door open. It's not only women in the ladies toilets these days.

The John Lewis in Edinburgh had one of those and a big breastfeeding bit with a brilliant view. I’ve gone off it now but for years I had a lot of loyalty for John Lewis and was my go to store for big purchases

Nothing wrong with using the disabled toilets when you need them!

What I tried to do was using them only for me, and change my baby in the changing room - that takes longer and I would feel bad holding up the disabled loo for longer than actually needed.