To expect the care home dh grandad is in to actually care.

[ditavonteesed]

Dh's garndad has gone into a respite home for 3 weeks while dh's parents go on holiday, they are his carers. dh's sister has also gione abroad leaving us as the only family in this country. We are aboput a 4 hour drive away and have 1 car and 2 small dd's so not that much help.
Anyway on Friday they sent dh's grandad into hospital, he is still there, they have no idea what ward he is on, nobody will go to see him and they have no idea how he is.
I have been calling the hospital all day and not even managed to find where he is never mind how he is.
Poor old man is stuck in a hospital with nobody to visit him and I don't even know if he has any money on him for a bloody paper.
I really don't know what to do but I am feeling very angry with th respite home.

i worked in a care home and a carer would have gone with him until seen my doctor then they leave when settled

hospitals are always messing you about i was a senior care was my job to chase up where someone is but hospitals are a pain with getting given the correct information

it is not in a carers responsibility to go and visit as they are needed at care home usually when at hospital the families would be informed by hospital staff and would help to keep care home in view

but i wouldnt soley blame care home its not that they wouldnt care but carers hours are long and to then visit a client in hospital is out the question as you need rest before next shift

get back onto the care home ask for there help in contacting hospital contact hospital again but ask both places to keep you informed with whats going on

i understand its frustrating but sometimes hospitals dont corrispond the way they should for same reason not enough staff but doesnt mean they dont care

hope you hear something soon hope he is ok x

I do understand that, I am just very worried about the basics, how is he getting clean clothes, any money he needs, he is all alone when he normally lives with his family and there is nothing I can do.
I take on too much at the best of times and I need to help him but I don't actually know how.

Where is he dita?

From my experience with DP's grandad he should be being well-looked after in hospital, and probably won't need anything so try not to worry too much(I know it's practically impossible), why has he been sent there?

Also, it's very often that so many people get involved in the care even the people in charge get confused, bloody system is a mess, but there is no one person 'in charge' so no one person to blame.
Hope your partners grandad is ok.

If you know the hospital, you can look up the website and it should allow you to look for wards. I'd call each ward directly and ask how Mr. x is doing. I'd start with geriatric wards, then cover any for specific problems he has e.g. heart. Apologies if this is what you've spent the day doing.

It's not their resonsibility to visit, and as your husband's grandad's only family in the country, it's actually your husband's job to liase with the hospital, and visit your grandad.

If care assistants visited every resident in hospital there would be no carers left to work. A home might have 5 or 10 people in hospital at any given time. The staff probably do care but they are not relatives - that's you.

I have actually found him now and he is ok. and I really want to go and visit but as I sadi we live a 4 hour drive away, my own grandad died on Thurs so I have his funeral, my mum had a nervous breakdown 2 weeks ago and took an overdose then called me so i have been trying to help her and wwould not feel happy not being here for her.
dh's sister went abroad knowing that he was going into hospital, I sometimes wonder whether the rest of the world is very selfish or I am too sensitive.
I also have no car and dh has to work. I really do not like the idea of him being stuck in hospital all alone, he usually lives with dh's parents and is never alone.
The nurse said he must have some money with himn as he has a paper, she said who shall i tell him called and I had to say dh as he never actually remembers who I am.

Oh that's a hell of a lot to deal with. I'm glad you've found him. You're carrying so much already, I'd just keep phoning to check on him. It sounds like you need to be at home right now.

Im a bit scared to write this at the mo but have just started working in a care home and am absolutely disgusted at the lack of stimulation these people recieve most of whom have dementia! I am debating about whether to speak tomy boss about this. I know its a bit sidetracked on the convo but thought i the best opppertunity to ask for advice. Sorry. Would anyone else be concerned at residents being left to their own devices all day other than feeding, changing etc?

I don't know whether speaking to your boss would actually achieve anything, yu perhaps could document what yu think is unacceptable and think about what to do when you have more evidence. i think care homes are a last resort for a lot of despaerate lonely people and if people like you who truly care about the residents work there then some good is being done.

youngbutnotdumb thankyou for posting this - we had this very problem when my dad was in a care home, total lack of stimulation. When we complained to the boss - he went and showed me all the board games they had and said that these were available to the residents at any time - FFS the residents didnt know who they were, what time of day it was, what way was up - how the hell were they going to play board games . I know that it isnt the case with all home owners, but this guy was in it for the money and the residents imo were neglected. We complained, so, my father was evicted and we had to move him at short notice to a place that was nigh on impossible for my mum to get to visit him. It makes me sooooo angry. Fortunately the new place was much nicer and they did seem to care. Although i have to say, none of the places i went to did as much as they could, activity wise.

My advise to you would be, speak to your boss, but do it in a round about way - maybe propose that you instigate an activity a couple of times a week. Even if it is throwing a foam ball around, playing skittles, something like that - you would be amazed at how much differnce that could make. People with dimentia often have quite lucid memories of their younger years, so some sort of nostalgia based activity - music is good for this. A tea dance?? Get some paints out, etc I know it is difficult becuase there are more immediate needs to be attended too. But the homes should take on more staff, i dont think there should be financial excuses - the guy who owned the home where my father was drove around in a flashy sports car and i bet he didnt go without anything, but his residents were denied basic dignity - um, can you tell this is something i feel strongly about!!

If you feel that your concerns aren't being taken seriously, you could anonymously phone the Social care ombudsmen or is it social care directive, i cant remember, but social services know - that might be enough to prompt a spot check and this might well be addressed then.

Sorry for hijack, i hope your grandad is on the mend OP

Youngbutnotdumb - i'm an RMN in a nursing home for people with Dementia/Alzheimers. You're right in thinking they they should be getting some stimulation, and not just plonked in a loung with a tv on all day. We have 2 activities co-ordinators who do various activites with the residents, card making, bingo, 'reminiscing' with old photos etc. Even those who are less respondant and have lost all communication/physical abilities get massages/sound therapy etc.

Often care homes are understaffed, so it's tough for carers to have that one on one time with residents that they would often like. But unless their very basic needs are being neglected - there isn't much that can be done besides bringing up the subject of more activites with your home manager at your next staff meeting/appraisal, or even pop in to see them when they are actually there!

Sorry of hijacking Dita

Were the hospital able to tell you how long he was going to be in for? I'd insist that they got in touch with the care home and organised some clean clothes/money for him depending on whether he was in for much longer. Hopefully he will have some comfy clean PJ's from the hospital and steals others papers when they nod off

for hijacking