Dm paranoia and isolating df- what can I do?

[Boxingshibes]

Not really an album but will get more traffic.
Dm has dementia, recently diagnosed but progressing v rapidly. Df came round over Easter and told us how bad it it. She is now currently paranoid, aggressive and becoming violent.
Df is mentally ok but becoming unsteady on his feet and has had falls.
The problem is that dm is now checking his phone for calls, what's up and emails so he can't really talk about how bad things are.
They are being visited by mental health nurses but I'm only getting limited info.
We do live locally ( dont drive so 1hr by bus though its 7 miles) but my df doesn't want me to visit. We're not a pop round family.
I'm going to go tomorrow and see them.
How can I help? I'm worried about my df.

You are going to have to be gentle but firm and persistent as DF will be scared of rocking the boat and having professionals involved possibly taking decisions out of their hands. It's horrible for him and difficult to accept that he cannot cope any longer with caring for DM. Are social services involved? Can you ask for an assessment of DMs needs? I hope you're able to discuss with DF and point out that the situation is unsafe for both him and DM. There is no shame in moving to residential care - he will be able to see her all the time but will not have to manage her personal care which will get more demanding. If he is frail/having falls, get him to the GP for a check up. He may well be not eating/drinking enough fluids and may well be weak and dehydrated.

Have you accessed the Alzheimer's Society website, it is really, really helpful on all aspects of care, help etc. for all forms of Dementia. Lots of useful advice from people who are or have been where you are.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/