Why do so many parents break up before their DC start school?

[StrangerThings123]

Inspired by a discussion I had with friends earlier in the week.

We are all mid 30’s, and when we went to school the general consensus is that it would be very rare for one of our classmates to have parents who weren’t together. I’m talking Primary school here, so up to the age of 11.

Nowadays, it seems there’s a huge rise in parents breaking up when their DC are young. What do people put this down to? I said the ease at which people can now move on and date e.g the apps is a big factor.

Blimey, no more men for you by the sounds of it 😂

Yes I certainly plunged myself into poverty through separation from an insuppressible desire to get on hinge

Because people are too quick to divorce instead of trying to work through problems.

Less stigma, strain of the baby/small child years, having had children too early in the relationship. I think that people often set themselves ‘deadlines’ in their children’s lives, too. I used to be head of first year in a university department, and significant numbers of first years’ split, especially if they were the youngest in the family.

Better to do it earlier rather than keep putting it off for later.
Better to start building a life for yourself and your DC earlier on rather than wasting years trying to make a relationship work.

I broke up with my ex when DC1 was in Year 4. Better than never but still later than it should have been.

It's say it's quite rare here. My exH and I split when kids were in year R and year 3 and they were the only ones. I felt awful. But no, it's not because I wanted to go kn dating apps, or was too quick to divorce, or didn't take my commitment seriously. It's because exH affair number 3 was the final nail in the coffin for me!

It's pretty simple - marriage, even an unhappy one, used to be the best life choice for women. Only recently has this changed. For most of modern (and premodern society) marriage was the only source of security for a woman and her children, it had to be pretty terrible for her to take the alternative. Which was often unthinkable for the 99% who weren't rich.

(By contrast, an "unhappy" marriage remains the best choice for most men, who get significantly worse outcomes in terms of mental health, physical health and life prospects after divorce, than if they remains in an unfulfilling marriage.)

Now the alternative is fine. Not ideal, but fine. You can survive and be happy on your own. So why stay in an unhappy marriage?

Most marriages go through unhappy periods. Exciting strong emotions always fade. New things always become Boring. We all get older, less attractive, less energy, less excited. So when that happens, why not leave?

When the women isn't hot enough, why not leave? When the man isn't caring enough or useful enough? When he doesn't do his share, or she becomes unpleasant and selfish?

there is still a few things keeping people together.

Some people genuinely get lucky and end up with their "soul mate". Some people are very logical and pragmatic and work through every issue. Some people are religious or still have a strong stigma about divorce from their families or social setting. Some people do it for the kids some people, for their own reasons don't have a good alternative and are trapped.

But the truth is that for a lot, staying in a situation where you are unhappy simply doesn't make sense, if the alternative is better.

My contention with modern society though is -

We can't go back to a situation where everyone is married forever. But we know that in current society kids without married parents fare worse of (not their parents fault). So how can we re-think childcare as a society so that it isn't all 100% focused around a method of life (marriage) that doesn't work for a many any more. we can't keep organizing childraising around the idea of two present parents if there isn't always going to be. 2 present parents hasn't always been the norm across cultures and history. There are other ways we could consider arranging our society and communities.

This is a good point. I had been married in the 60s and been a SAHM i wonder if would have had to stay married because I couldn't support myself and would have just turned a blind eye to the cheating and just been miserable. I feel lucky to have been able to avoid this fate as I grew up with opportunities and expectations.

Not a single couple separated in either of my dc class and I know of one friend couple as well. Still a very unusual thing in my experience.

I was at school.in the 70s
Two of.my friends Iivedve with just their mums.
It was rare though
It's just changing times.
Now it seems more people are apart rather than together.