To get back in touch with old friend

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I had a close friend between 2019 and 2023 - it was a really great friendship, and we fell out in 2023 over something relatively minor. There wasn’t any big argument or drama. Then my 2023 ended up being completely chaotic, I was so busy juggling lots of different things that we just never ended up making up or smoothing things over.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been debating getting back in touch, apologising for my part to play in the bicker and seeing if she wants to catch up some time. But since it was a couple of years ago, I’m not sure if it’s best to just leave it. But I do miss the friendship we had

so AIBU to contact her? Has anyone been through similar?

I'd go for it. You have nothing to lose although you may be sad if she shuns you. I'd send a heartfelt message saying you regret the fact you fell out and missed her.
I've got in touch with people I haven't heard from in decades! These days it's easy to be reunited with old school friends etc. There was one particular best friend from school I really regretted falling out with. We're now back in touch again and really good friends. It warms my heart.

Thanks for your reply, I did think that I might feel a bit sad if she isn’t interested in being friends again, but I think if I send her a message I’ll make sure there’s no expectations or pressure on my side. That’s lovely that you restarted that friendship!

Do it!
I've got one friendship that I've patched up after a big fallout, and another friend that I drifted from after uni who I massively regret losing touch with, but we are now back in contact and are good pals again.
She may reject you but you don't know until you try. Or she may be happy and relieved that you got in touch.
This is a very un-mumsnet-y sentiment but as my 95 year old gran says, you can never have too many friends.

I would say go for it but please first consider your actual role and how it affected her.

My read is that you're quite breezy here now that you're doing better (it's great that you are).

However, what did what did 'chaotic' look like to her? she may have been pretty sick of any repeatedly flaky behaviour, let downs, or may have been having her own difficulties and it was all about your chaos (if those apply). Was it a bicker or a pattern from her perspective?

That's not to say don't get in touch, but I would properly consider what you're actually apologising for and take it seriously.

Thank you for this thoughtful reply. I’m definitely going to consider how things were for her too. So the ‘chaotic’ year I mention was after we had the bicker - so she wasn’t exposed to any dramas or anything, it was just part of the reason I didn’t try and rekindle the friendship sooner. It was around my very unhealthy relationship ending, and the fallout that surrounded that, just a couple of weeks after us falling out.

Thanks for your reply. I’ve drafted a message to send over Facebook, apologising for my part to play in us falling out etc, at the end of the message I’ve mentioned that I understand if she doesn’t want to be back in contact or respond but I hope she is well anyway.

It's worth a try, if only to put the issue to bed

This is chiming a chord with me. A friend and I fell out in 2023 and I immediately sent a message apologising for my part in it and saying I hoped I hadn't upset her. This was in March 2023. I never received a reply or any more communication of any kind.

In October 2024 she out of the blue got in touch via text and it said something like "I'm around for a meetup, hope you and the family are all well". That's it. I looked at this message and assumed she'd sent it to the wrong person as 18 months had gone by and then this?

I ignored it feeling certain it wasn't meant for me. Now I hear from a mutual friend (who I no longer see either as it was a group of 3 friendship and the 2 of them who did not fall out have carried on as normal) that she's sad about it all.

My feeling is - meh, it's too late now. The 18 months of ignoring my apology and arranging meetups and coffees, dinners, trips away with the other friend (all cheerfully documented on Facebook that she absolutely knew I would see) turned me right off her. So I'm going to leave it.

However, if I'd received an apology for not replying to me in 2023 and something a bit more tangible in her opening gambit 6 months ago, I might have been more inclined to listen. It sounds like you have done this ... so well done to you, and good luck!

Oh, and to add, right in the middle of that 18 months of non-communication, my mother died and ex friend didn't even send a message of condolence. That also killed any friendly feelings I might have towards her. Sorry! I'll stop going on about me now!

Did she respond?