Sleepover invite but older sibling smokes weed.

[NorthernGirl1981]

I need some sensible advice!!

My daughter is 11 and next weekend it is her best friend’s birthday and her mum (who is a friend of mine), is putting on a sleepover. There will be about 5 girls there in total, including my daughter who has obviously been invited.

However, I know that my friend’s eldest daughter (she is 19 years old) smokes cannabis in the house. When I go and visit my friend the smell in the house is really strong and my friend is quite open that her daughter just sits in her room and smokes weed with her friends.

AIBU to not want my daughter going there for a sleepover for this reason?

I don’t want to come across as judgemental but I also feel uncomfortable about my daughter going there knowing that Weed is being smoked in the room next door.

I don’t want to be a party-pooper but it just doesn’t sit right with me.

And I have no idea how to broach it with my friend ☹️

@NorthernGirl1981 I wouldn’t be allowing my child to go. And I’d be honest with my friend as to why 🤷🏻‍♀️
I had a next door neighbour with a child who constantly smoked weed and it STANK 🤢 We moved house because of it in the end

Well seeing as the mum is your friend I'd tell her the truth very gently. I wouldn't say 'your daughter' as it sounds judgemental and accusatory, I'd say 'we don't allow smoking in our house'

It’s just so awkward isn’t it, and my daughter is so excited about going ☹️

In the house no, your dd will leave stinking of it. If she is a good friend of yours could you tell her why and ask if her older dd would smoke outside or another friends house for the sleepover?

If she’s a good friend could you ask very gently about it before you make a decision? Maybe something like

“Can I ask whether XX will be at home during the sleepover? It’s probably my anxiety but I’m a bit worried about DD coming to the sleepover if she’s smoking weed so was just hoping that you wouldn’t mind sharing plans. X

I think I'd just find a way to ask that she doesn't smoke in the house when your dd is there. I'd probably blame it on DH because I'm a wuss! 'He isn't happy with dd being around second hand smoke'.

I don't think one night of the smell is going to be an issue exactly, but I wouldn't want her in there when the daughter is actively smoking because of the second hand smoke.

I’d be honest

Thanks all, it seems honesty is the best policy.

As a family we have always been really open about what drugs are and the damage they can do, and so when my daughter was skipping around the living room this morning all excited about the party next week, I did tell her what her friend’s older sibling does and why it’s making me unsure as to whether I wasn’t my daughter at the party.

My daughter was obviously out-out but said she understood. I’m seeing my friend later so I will just put my brave, big girl pants on and ask if her eldest daughter will be there as it concerns me that I’d be sending my child to a home where weed is being smoked.

I know she will take it very personally, and I know a lot of people will think I’m overreacting as they think marijuana isn’t a real or harmful “drug” in the way other substances are (cocaine, heroin, ecstasy etc etc), but I don’t want to normalise weed smoking to my young child.