To tell my mum to back off from interfering with my child’s food?

[forgodssakes]

My child is 16 months and my mum is really is grating on me whenever we eat around her. She is constantly interfering with my child’s food by trying to blow on it and cut it into tiny pieces and trying to hand feed him when he wants to eat by him self which I let him do even if he makes a mess (not in her house obviously!) she will also make comments like ‘you’re messing about’ or if he stops for a few minutes saying ‘are you finished, are you finished’ and I wish she would just let him enjoy his food in peace as he eats really well! Am I being unreasonable to just tell her that he is my child and she needs to back the fuck off?!

No you're not being unreasonable

Do you all live together ?
otherwise you are seeing too much of her.

YANBU. Just keep saying firmly "Mum, please leave him to eat his meal in peace" EVERY time until she gets the message.

i raised it this evening and she went off on one saying ‘ok I won’t help you again’ (she occasionally picks him up from childcare which I am grateful for!) and guilt tripping me about being ungrateful and she just won’t ever do anything for us again and ok let him make mess everywhere then . I think you are right, I need to distance myself from her.

She then started saying maybe having a baby and working doesn’t suit you and just because you’ve had a bad day at work don’t take it out on me and stormed out.

What a childish response! I think all you can do is avoid mealtimes and probably avoid asking for help if she throws it back in your face.

Oh dear!
Perhaps you could say: "Mum I am happy for him to make as mess; he is trying things out and eating well; we are happy with this."

Ah, guilt and manipulation 101, call them out and all of a sudden it's tit for tat and withdrawal of support.

Don't engage in the back and forth, don't be tempted to say "no no i didn't mean that, don't do that" - that's the reaction she is after, so she basically gets a free pass to do what she wants, she calls the shots.

Instead, say something like

"you picking him up from childcare, I'm very grateful for, but is totally unrelated to this request to stop telling him off with his food, however if you feel like you want to stop collecting him, then I'll make other arrangements."

Your mum is a bit toxic.. start to recognise toxic, don't engage, don't start arguing, remain calm and don't give them the response they want. You're setting boundaries with your child. You are allowed to do that. Don't bow down to your mum just because she starts threatening you.

She’s in the wrong, isn’t she? It’s hard to respect people who withdraw help and support for family members if they can’t have their own way.

Find proper childcare.. When my dm flounced from my home I didn't see her for 10 years.. It was bloody fabulous..

Good for you standing up to her OP. Let her storm out, she loses out in the long term if you make other arrangements.

Yep, just tell her you want him to have a good relationship with food, and to be left to eat in peace, so please leave the parenting around food to you. Pull her up on it when she forgets, which she will. Give her a couple of weeks grace during which time you will be calm and polite, after that, if she isn’t getting the message you can get cross.

Sorry - just read your update. She definitely needs firm boundaries