Page 2 | to feel sad I am the only childless person at work

user78999543 · 2025-05-01T15:52:31+00:00

I recently joined a team of 8 and I am the only one who doesn't have children. I'm finding it so hard at the moment because all the conversations at work are about their children or ttc. I always ask them about their weekends on a Monday morning and they talk about their families which is understandable but as the week goes on they talk more and more about their children. I find it really hard to listen to, I feel sad.

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 01/05/2025 20:37

Can you guide the conversation op? I find this suffocating myself (and I'm a mum!) I literally ask bluntly "who are you beyond your children? Do you have hobbies? Any skills?" Or if you want a softer approach "is there anything you like to do in your spare time? I like reading and I'm really good at knitting" or some bs. Give them some examples of what you're expecting to hear.

Guide it to who they are as a person. What were their dreams when younger. Or just avoid talking to them.

paranoiaofpufflings · 01/05/2025 20:38

I have been in your position. Childless not by choice, in a team of parents.

This may not be the ideal solution but in my case the situation was partially resolved by me having a bit of a strop. Mid-way into a discussion about something child-related I got up from my desk, announced I was heading off out, saying something like “as the only one in the team without children I can’t join in this conversation”. It did change the balance a little, people became a little more considerate.

You could also try persistence in starting conversations about anything else. A TV programme that you and others might all be watching. Anything that’s on the news. Pets. Cooking, gardening, diy, anything going on locally.

Whether or not you will go on to have children in future is not the question to address. The issue is to feel included in your team.

Looptop · 01/05/2025 20:39

I feel for you OP. I’m the only childless person at my job as well. I’ve been trying to conceive for 5 years. I’ve had many miscarriages and failed IVF rounds. No one at work knows though. I’m too old now to conceive so I’m genuinely thinking about leaving my job for somewhere else.
It really is all they talk about. They don’t talk to me that much to be honest (other than general how are you etc as we obviously don’t have much in common) but when they do I get told I’m so lucky I can sleep in. So lucky I have loads of spending money (wanna bet? I really don’t think they want to see my IVF bills).
So yeah. It sucks i know.

pinkyredrose · 01/05/2025 20:39

What makes you feel sad, that you want children and don't have them? How old are you?

PersonalBest · 01/05/2025 20:42

user78999543 · 01/05/2025 18:17

Yep had that comment thrown at me from colleagues, not helpful

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So unhelpful. In fact, very hurtful.

Original poster

user78999543 · 02/05/2025 07:32

pinkyredrose · 01/05/2025 20:39

What makes you feel sad, that you want children and don't have them? How old are you?

@pinkyredrose
That I want children and don’t have them
People telling me I’m smart for not having them
Telling me I’m lucky to not have them
Making me feel my life is insignificant to theirs
Complaining to the manager that I work till 2 when I don’t have kids
So I guess it’s more than just the constant chatter it’s the stupid comments they make

I’m 44

OP posts:

SallyWD · 02/05/2025 07:52

I'm sorry you feel like that and its completely understandable. I don't know what the solution is really. People talk about their kids because they're such a big part of their lives. It would be unnatural not to talk about them. But yes, I'd feel sad too.

blythet · 02/05/2025 08:05

user78999543 · 02/05/2025 07:32

@pinkyredrose
That I want children and don’t have them
People telling me I’m smart for not having them
Telling me I’m lucky to not have them
Making me feel my life is insignificant to theirs
Complaining to the manager that I work till 2 when I don’t have kids
So I guess it’s more than just the constant chatter it’s the stupid comments they make

I’m 44

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This does sound really tough but I don’t think your colleagues are doing anything wrong either - particularly if they don’t know how you feel.

it’s completely natural to talk about your DC. Especially if making small talk with colleagues and it’s something you have in common with 7 out of 8 of them.

im the only single one in my team (I’m a single mum) and I could say the same about all my colleagues talking about their spouses/partners snd the dates they go on and nice things they do together. However, I try not to show that’s how I feel as it’s not their fault or problem that I’m in my own.

herbalteabag · 02/05/2025 08:21

It's difficult not to talk about your children if they are young because everything you do outside of work is with them, at least it was for me. So if anyone asked about my weekend it would inevitably be about them. This happened less as they grew up and did their own thing. I've always enjoyed talking about other things though. I like talking about random topics and finding out what other people think or have done.

herbalteabag · 02/05/2025 08:21

It's difficult not to talk about your children if they are young because everything you do outside of work is with them, at least it was for me. So if anyone asked about my weekend it would inevitably be about them. This happened less as they grew up and did their own thing. I've always enjoyed talking about other things though. I like talking about random topics and finding out what other people think or have done.

Looptop · 02/05/2025 08:26

blythet · 02/05/2025 08:05

This does sound really tough but I don’t think your colleagues are doing anything wrong either - particularly if they don’t know how you feel.

it’s completely natural to talk about your DC. Especially if making small talk with colleagues and it’s something you have in common with 7 out of 8 of them.

im the only single one in my team (I’m a single mum) and I could say the same about all my colleagues talking about their spouses/partners snd the dates they go on and nice things they do together. However, I try not to show that’s how I feel as it’s not their fault or problem that I’m in my own.

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I think a big part of the issue is when everyone tells you how “lucky” you are not to have them. So it’s not just a oh we went to the zoo and had ice cream type conversations. (Although obviously it’s still sad to be excluded when you can’t join in). But I’ve had people say “oh I’m so tired from being out with the children all weekend! You’re so lucky you can sleep in and do whatever you want! Oh how I wish I was like you!!!” And as I’m sitting there going through my latest miscarriage it’s quite hard to hear.

If you’d just been dumped and everyone was telling you how great it was that you’re single and how awful it was that their husband accidentally smashed a plate at the weekend but you’re so lucky you don’t need to worry about that it would hurt more.

GreenFressia · 02/05/2025 08:44

I may be unusual in this but I tend to proactively ask colleagues about their kids.

This means that I ask when I feel okay with hearing about them.

Some days I really struggle with grief. I've been sat at my desk on a Monday fighting back tears just because of an inexplicable (probably hormone related - another period gone by) grief that it hasn't and won't happen.

Where I work now there's a Monday catchup. We usually spend about five minutes chatting about our weekends. None of the team have children. So a different situation to OP. TBH though I think I hate group chats (I'm much better one on one) more.

If they were chatting about kids....not sure...if its on Teams maybe I'd turn my volume down if I was feeling that it would upset me.

blythet · 02/05/2025 09:20

Looptop · 02/05/2025 08:26

I think a big part of the issue is when everyone tells you how “lucky” you are not to have them. So it’s not just a oh we went to the zoo and had ice cream type conversations. (Although obviously it’s still sad to be excluded when you can’t join in). But I’ve had people say “oh I’m so tired from being out with the children all weekend! You’re so lucky you can sleep in and do whatever you want! Oh how I wish I was like you!!!” And as I’m sitting there going through my latest miscarriage it’s quite hard to hear.

If you’d just been dumped and everyone was telling you how great it was that you’re single and how awful it was that their husband accidentally smashed a plate at the weekend but you’re so lucky you don’t need to worry about that it would hurt more.

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@Looptopthats heartbreaking and really insensitive of them all. As a mum I’d never tell
someone without children they were “lucky” for the very reasons you’ve outlined, or that I was jealous of long lies etc.
I actually can’t believe people say this to others that, as far as they know, could be longing for DC of their own.

I take back my previous comment!

I had been thinking more along the lines of your other example. The type of conversations I have with my colleagues about dc and partners is more along the lines of:

Them: did you have a good weekend?
me: yeah it was nice, took Dd swimming on Saturday and went to the cinema on Sunday. what about you?
them: yeah, it was good. DH took me to our favourite restaurant for a meal on Saturday night and we went a long walk together on Sunday.

in my mind these type of comments were equivalent as my colleague could be wishing it was her and dc going swimming/cinema and me wishing my dh was around to take me out to our fave restaurant.

however, that’s me just explaining my initial response. From your update I can now see the comments you’re getting and it’s really shit. Not equivalent at all so I’m sorry