He’s cooling off or I have too much time on my hands

[LaurenBacalls]

Over the last fortnight I feel like my boyfriend’s messaging has cooled off. He is on strike this week due to redundancy threats and I am unemployed. Admittedly we’ve had some fights which we don’t usually, probably from the stress. We live apart.

lately, I’m sending say 4 messages and he’ll send 1 back.

After another depressing trip to the job centre this morning I was given a beautiful free bouquet of roses by a florist on my way home. I sent him a photo explaining the encounter and he didn’t react…but replied to something else totally boring. Again 1 reply to my several.

I don’t know. How can you tell general stress apart from he’s checked out?

I should say this isn’t his usual style.

he’s usually Mr stream of consciousness

Is this quite a casual relationship? How long have you been together?

I’m not sure how to address it. But I don’t want to accuse him of distance either, as he is likely stressed

together two years

Cut right back on your own messaging and see what happens. It will give you an answer

@GroovyChick87 no it’s not casual. We have been discussing long term and kids etc. worried he has cold feet.

Talk to him about it when you see him. Tell him you’ve noticed he doesn’t really engage much anymore and whether it’s because of stress or whether he’s bored of texting.

I just suggested that because you're mentioning what he's like over text, not what he's like in person.

It does sound like a particularly stressful time.

How often do you see each other?

We saw each other last weekend. He was absolutely fine in person.

he has told me in the past he has a tendency to shut down during extreme stress. So it’s possible.

I think I’ll match his energy for now but if it continues I need to address it. Honestly it’s daft, but I just wanted him to say free flowers, how nice!! Not…ignore me.

So you admit that your previous messages were boring? I would stop hassling him with boring stuff

He knows I am having a hard time. So getting a free bouquet post job centre was something that made me smile.

Other stuff I shared is stuff he usually shares with me too. Even when I did have an exciting evening the other day, he still replied with one word.

At the same time, I do have more time on my hands to fret and chew this stuff over, whereas I didn’t before. Not good for me.

Stop basing your happiness on how he reacts to something, he won't ever live up to what you want him to do or what you've imagined he will say because he's not you. You can't control how someone reacts to something, all you can control is your reaction.