to be unsure living with him due to his downstairs bathroom?!

[BrookePDavis]

Been LDR for a year, I'm very close to being offered 2 jobs in his area (I think!). So the plan is for me to move in with him.

We sleep apart due to his snoring, and despite the scare stories, this is all fine and hasn't had any impact on our sex life! The set up is that his bedroom is on the ground floor near the bathrroom, and my bedroom is on the first floor with no bathroom. I tend to wake up more than he does during the night, and it's such a pain traipsing down this long narrow staircase and along the hall.

AIBU? I'm thinking I could even move in with him for a while and then rent a place nearby (while renting out my actual house here), but maybe he'd be offended...

Why can’t he take the upstairs bedroom?

can you just rent from the get go? Then there's no blurring?

Get a guzunder

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen he might offer to take the upstairs bedroom if I bring it up - but his is the master room, spacious and been his room for a year now. It's a bit cheeky!

@howcanitbetrue well, we're keen to see how living together goes with a view to settling down and having kids etc.

It is an option of course. But might ruin the point in a way.

We are both so used to living alone, the thought of actually doing the move is scary!

I also feel excited about it though. I miss him so much.

If you're asking here instead of just bringing it up with him, maybe you're not ready to move in together?

Theres' no reason why you cant say to him you'll have a trial period at his home to see how things pan out? Tell him your concerns re the bathroom thing so he knows its not personal.
Then you can either chat about swapping bedrooms - or you find you'r own place separate from him.

I will say though - having a downstairs bathroom isn't the end of the world. My only bathroom is downstairs and I've just got used to going down in the night. Get yourself some sensor night lights. It's not that big a deal.

I just don't want it to sound like I don't actually want to do this. He might view the bathroom as an excuse.

Would other people find the set up annoying or am I weird?

@its2025 what do you think a reasonable trial period would be, a few months? I assume this will be my probationary period anyway.

Thankfully, the local properties aren't too expensive to rent. Ideally I want to be able to rent my home to cover that cost if it occurs, but that won't happen instantly.

This seems like a very minor thing to be getting so worked up about. It certainly wouldn't stop me from moving in with someone. Unless the house is a castle and the first floor is at the top of a 100ft turret, walking down a flight of stairs now and again for a wee isn't exactly the end of the world, is it? It's not going to affect your quality of life in any significant way.

I think if you were truly wanting to live with him you wouldn't mind. But you should probably be talking about the arrangements with him.

I lived in a house for one year at uni with a downstairs bathroom. It drove me mad, don't do it!

I think you're scared of actually moving in together rather than the bathroom situation because it isn't really a big deal
Anyway just try it if it doesn't work out then rent somewhere else

I'm not really sure I understand your question OP?

Regarding his snoring you say despite the scare stories, this is all fine Do you mean he has had a sleep study done and its NOT obstructive sleep apnoea? If not, I'd get that checked because it can be deadly!

Have you always needed the loo multiple times in the night? I too would be getting that checked out because it must be very disruptive for you.

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here about with the bathroom is in general.

it's just a personal decision for you. I haven't been comfortable needing to go downstairs for the toilet in the night for a long time. (various health issues) & now that I've also had a stroke there is no way I would put myself in that position.

However, I can see what younger healthier people are saying that for them it's not a big deal

So a lot does depend on individual circumstances.

The main thing though is having a conversation with him, explaining that you are not happy/willing to be going up and downstairs all night with the number of toilet visits you do, so the only option living together is either swapping bedrooms at his place or getting an entirely different place together. For you having the upstairs bedroom is not going to work.

If he thinks this is just an excuse and that you don't actually want to live with him, and it doesn't sound like a particularly good relationship anyway.

@Ihad2Strokes I actually do have a health issue, I have endometriosis. It's well managed but the lower back pain/his steep staircase can be a pain (literally). Mostly ok, but after months of it, I might be 100% fed up.

I think he will probably open to discussing options - I hope! He said the landlord has been asking him about lease renewal, but I wonder if he'd be up for looking for a new place together.

I would just live separately

Talk to him.
Really.

Bed pan?

It's not your responsibility to manage his emotions.

Whether he is offended or not depends on how you approach the whole situation from the offset, making sure it can't be seen as you taking advantage etc.

I have a downstairs bathroom and its awful. Once I've traipsed downstairs and then back up I'm wide awake. I also badly broke my ankle last year from going down half asleep and falling.

Sorry to hear that,

given that he hasn't got back to the landlord straightaway to say yes, he wants to renew it, and he's told you about it seems like he's open to the idea of looking for somewhere new together.

If you do, just make sure the two bedrooms are far enough apart or you might as well just share one! Snoring travels!! I'm surprised he hasn't been more keen to deal with his snoring as it means you don't sleep together.

Talk to him as soon as possible before he commits to the landlord.

For some reason I assumed you were older based on the original post, then I saw you are talking about settling down and having children. I wouldn't think needing to use stairs to get to the bathroom was an issue at all. Is it maybe that you want to get a place that's equally both of yours together, rather than feeling like you're staying in his spare room?