So sorry youre overwhelmed. In order for life not to be a toil, you need to drop some stuff, stuff that's not important, stuff that others can pick up. And you need to do it now. You manage everything, that's exhausting, unsustainable and is probably why your feeling stuck in a loop. You don't need time off to do more stuff, you need to start to make some "achievements" vs becoming stuck in the loop.
I am constantly disappointed in myself
This is making you more depressed and makes life feel worthless. Stop yourself everytime you start to do it. Give the voice a name - "We are not doing that today Sharon" and stop it. Visualise a big red stop sign, everytime you hear the voice and stop it. It's hard at first and the voice may start within minutes but keep STOPPING it... its important.
Procrastinating and doom scrolling - see it, recognise it and STOP. You pick your phone up, you get a bag, you put it in the bag, in another, in another, then into a kitchen cupboard. I throw my phone onto a chair furthest from where I am, so I don't Procrastinate now. You can do it, it's hard at first, but you know when you pick up the phone - say to yourself No, visualise a big stop sign NO. Then go make a brew and decide what's next? You're going to decide one task to do, that will make you happier and go do it (small task). Instead of doom scrolling - I'm going to go write that note I needed to do.
Daily - Start to make a list of what is absolute top priority 3 things today and drop the ball on all the other stuff. Those 3 things (start small!!!), after each you OUT LOUD, VERBALLY to yourself, yay, I did it, I did task one today, today is going to be a good day! look at the blue sky, look at the flowers, look at the pooch (you're creating a dopamine hit by doing this). Tasks need to be small, don't dismissing them. Make a list:
1 - make the bed
2 - Tidy up the pots from making a brew and breakfast
3 - Sort one kitchen cupboard (small activity).
Everything else today it doesn't matter, it can wait, if extra gets done that's a bonus, but those are the 3 things I'm aiming to achieve today.
You may want to get the support of family, tell them you're overwhelmed, you're not managing all of "this" and you need their help and support. Sounds like you have potentially 3 adults in the home, but it sounds like you do mostly everything? That isnt good, youre creating monsters who will need someone to manage their life. Look at how the house tasks are split and make some changes that so others are responsible for things and its not all on you.
In wider life, list everything that needs to be done, give it a priority, and a timeline - kitchen refurbishment- priority 10, timeline 2 yrs. more importantly when you look around, don't fall into the "look at the state of this place such a mess, it's disgusting, how can you live in this place, you're. amess, you...." This is where you need that stop sign above. STOP ✋️ identify the activity thats making "Sharon" have a go at you, write it down (so its not forgotten and come back to give it a priority later. Then forget it. Don't tackle it then, that's diversionary. Write it down, leave it.
Am thinking you definitely need to start working on your micromanaging tendencies. No one likes to be micromanaged, it's not good for you or anyone around you.
Maybe should start looking into Mel Robbins - Let Them theory, understanding what is within your realm of control and what is outside it, and letting go of the stuff that will inevitably be causing you stress.
Hope this helps (been there, this stuff helped me, it wasn't easy, it wasn't quick, it takes time and effort to do it but now it's automatic)