Hey guys. This is a long one but honestly I just need to get everything out and I don’t want to be judged by my friends for feeling this way.
My mum is currently going through divorce for almost 3 years now because her and my dad are disagreeing heavily during the financial dispute. I won’t go into too much details about the divorce but I feel like since the divorce started there’s been an unhealthy reliance on me as her daughter. I’m in my early twenties (not older than 24), I graduated in 2023 and luckily I’ve been working a full time job for just over a year now. However during this time she has asked me to take out two loans amounting to almost £20,000 so she can pay for her divorce, lawyers and investigators. I have to pay £420 a month back and Because I’m still living at home things are “okay” but I’m only on NHS Band 3!! And I really want to move out soon And save but with the cost of living and salaries not being the best I don’t even know how I’d survive. £420 is essentially bills and grocery money for the month but now that £420 I would have used for bills is going towards a loan that I am not benefiting from whatsoever. Let’s also add the fact that she doesn’t work and refused to get a job all this time because she wants to get as much money from my dad as she can and if she works it will ruin it for her (her words not mine). So as-well as having this loan she will also ask me for money as-well occasionally for groceries etc. I don’t mind giving her money but honestly I work HARD for my money. And she refuses to get a job for selfish reasons. I hate my current job but feel so stuck due to my financial situation. I feel pressured to do overtime to see if I can make up that money but I’m so tired. We also share a car which is super inconvenient sometimes - bear in mind this is MY car aswell and she uses it. Again I don’t mind her using my car but also it would be better if she actually worked and saved up her own money so she could get her own car. Over the years I have felt myself becoming so numb and resentful of the situations she’s put me in. It feels like the parent child dynamic has switched - I’m the parent and she’s the child. It’s really bad and it’s affecting me mentally and emotionally. I can barely look at her anymore. Her presence irritates me. I lock myself in my room. When I hear her room door open and I know she’s coming upstairs sometimes il just pretend to be asleep so she won’t disturb me. I’m embarrassed having to do that at my age. She’ll come into my room every morning. Sometimes wake me up from sleep and ask me to help her sort and print her divorce documents. Just overall idk I feel just SO numb and pissed off. Like I’m supposed to be focused on building my own future and career and establishing myself to be a fully independent adult but it seems like all she wants me to do is be nose deep in her divorce matter. Not to mention she can be really rude, entitled and demanding sometimes aswell which makes the whole thing worse. I reckon if she wasn’t taking her anger out on me I might not feel as pissed off. And she wonders why I don’t tell her anything nowadays or why I don’t speak to her much. I have nothing to say anymore. She needs to get her own life.
Anyways I suppose there’s nothing I can do I just really needed to get this out of my system. Like surely this isn’t normal. Sometimes I feel bad for feeling this way but honestly this has been happening for a long time. Maybe someone out there can relate to my situation in a way. Idk. But thank you.