The spiders have ACTUALLY wiped their willies on my washing

[HedgingMyBet]

I can’t believe it, I’ve just experienced a real-life Mumsnet nightmare. A bunch of spiders are actually wiping their willies on my washing right now.

Today, in a perfect Mumsnet cliche, I worked from home and also did my washing, hanging it in the garden to make the most of the lovely weather. When I went to put it away this evening, a nest of spiders had hatched and approximately 200 tiny golden baby spiders were wandering all over my washing!!! The horrors!

Spiders in my pants! Spiders in my shirts! Even - brace yourselves - spiders in my bra!

And it isn’t even dark yet! Am I being unreasonable to at least expect the spiders to wait for darkness? We all know the twin threats to washing are spiders and the dark but I had always assumed they were simultaneous. What is the world coming to…

Awww, they're cute! I just discovered that my resident bedroom spider is heavily pregnant andI don't know what to do! On the one hand I really don't want 15000 baby spiders taking over my house, on the other hand I can't just turf her out, not in her condition!

Don’t worry, at least some of them will be girl spiders, so not willy wiping AND I think, it memory serves me right, it only matters after dark. Nighttime spider willy wiping is definitely something to worry about.

Daylight willy wiping (or ‘minge marking’?!) isn’t a problem.

I am dying at 'minge marking'. Excellent work!

Love this after horrible shitty day at work!!

Yep. Spider penises. I had those on my washing too. I think I might write a strongly worded letter.

Light a match. Fling it on washing pile and walk away op

How can you tell? Is it one of the spindly spinny ones? I have them too (one in each room) and I’d never thought about them getting pregnant (how do they get pregnant? I thought they were violent to any other spider, which is why I let them live in my room). Now I can’t think of anything else.

OP I’d have to abandon all those clothes to the wild.

Send a strongly worded email. End it with regards (not kind regards).

The Blue Tits will be delighted at this little protein selection pack so near to their nests.

OK, you'll then have Blue Tit Shit on your washing - but no teeny tiny spiderlings waiting for the best moment to stick their bums in the air, send out a tiny silk sail and fly away.

You would be doing her a favour, otherwise you will have to see her get eaten by her babies

Can't believe all these people who tolerate spiders shagging under your roof! Where are your morals? Discusting.

Won’t somebody think of the children!?
all that spider willy wiping
and it’s not even DARK

<<my washing is now out for the second night running so my neighbours are probably hoiking their bosoms and tutting at me>>

@NeverDropYourMooncup blue tit shit.....🤣🤣🤣🤣did you know baby bluetits present a poo package to the parents who dispose of it far away from the nest.....

To be fair, I used to do this with my daughter's 'artwork' when she brought it home during reception. I'm convinced there's a landfill site somewhere absolutely rammed with the artistic outputs of 5 and 6 year olds.

This thread is making me chuckle aloud - thank you!

Minge marking 🤣

You will have to nuke the whole house from orbit, op. It is the only way.

You have two options -

A - Go no contact or
B - LTB ( leave the beasties).

But obviously try therapy first. Good luck, we're rooting for you .

@SociableAtWork ah well that makes me feel better (?!?) to know that it’s only after DARK willy wiping / minge marking (yes thanks for that thought) that I need to worry about!

I had to shake all my washing vigorously before bringing it in - totally expecting some curtain twitchers to have been watching and wondering….

@lickycat I have left the washing in a pile by the open back door to allow any stray spiders to escape….

@Liz1tummypain excellent new usage of LTB, and a strategy I fully intend to deploy for these and any other beasties….

@SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter how does one spot a pregnant spider?! Do all eight of their ankles swell up?

Have you ever seen them hatch? You need to evict her from your bedroom or you won't sleep in there.

I’ve got boxes full of them!

Dear lord, burn it all!! Seriously though, I evicted 19 spiders yesterday when cleaning. DS made a cup of tea this morning, putting the tea bag in the bin only to find mum and babies not paying rent in the lid of said bin!! Never had this many spiders in the house at this time of year, that at least are visible. They usually just come in for September. Are we having a spider take over this year?