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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with the nursery?

19 replies

PinkPonyClubb · 30/04/2025 20:23

My little boy moved to toddler room less than 3 weeks ago. Not long after moving he was bit. No one told me. I discovered it while bathing him that night. He’s come home tonight with a purple, very sore bite mark on his shoulder. Again, no one told me he had been bit I discovered it while bathing him.

I am not annoyed he’s being bit, he’s around toddlers I accept it’s going to happen. What I’m annoyed about is the fact he’s been in this room 3 weeks, he’s been bit twice and no one has told me. I feel like they are not dealing with the biting because no one is telling me. I know nursery’s are stretched with staffing and I know accidents will happen it’s how they deal with it for me - or lack off. AIBU? For being annoyed this has happened twice in less than 3 weeks and no one has told me it’s being dealt with or even addressed?

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 30/04/2025 20:24

Do they know about it?

Thats the starting point for a conversation.

ellesbellesxxx · 30/04/2025 20:27

It’s possible they didn’t know. I discovered a bite mark on my son at bath time and they were mortified as they had no idea… my son hadn’t been upset.
We retrospectively filled in an incident form and they kept an eye out.

PumpkinPie2016 · 30/04/2025 20:31

I would definitely speak to them about it.

Explain the bite marks and that no one said anything - do they know? If he has been bitten hard enough to leave a bad bruise, surely he would have reacted?

If they didn't know, ask them what they are going to do going forward to provide better supervision. It may not always be possible to prevent it with young children, which you acknowledge, but they need to keep eyes on things and let you know.

Endofyear · 30/04/2025 21:49

Did you not speak to them after the first bite mark?

Smartiepants79 · 01/05/2025 12:30

Did he tell anyone? Did they know it had happened the last time?
If they did and didn’t tell you then that’s poor practice. If he didn’t tell them then they can do anything about it.

Original poster
PinkPonyClubb · 01/05/2025 21:29

Hi thanks everyone for your advice. He’s not even two yet so not super vocal. He’s got a big purple bite mark. I’d cry if someone did that to me. I find it difficult to believe he wasn’t upset.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 01/05/2025 21:41

So the first time he was bitten what did they say? Had they noticed?

notsureyetcertain · 01/05/2025 21:53

You need to tell them in case they didn’t know. It needs documenting and managing

TY78910 · 01/05/2025 22:36

They might not know. If it was on his shoulder likely under a t-shirt. Appreciate the comment about it being painful / crying but kids at that age cry about stuff all the time / might have not said why. They usually spend a lot of time outdoors as well running around so could have happened somewhere in the corner and by the time he went back to staff he got over it. Just chat with them. I’m sure they’ll apologise and say they didn’t know but they’ll keep a closer eye.

Eenameenadeeka · 01/05/2025 23:22

Id be furious. If he's been bitten hard enough to have purple marks on him at bath time, there is no chance he's not screaming in pain when he's being bitten. If they don't notice how upset he is when it's happened, they are not supervising properly.

ScaryM0nster · 02/05/2025 17:24

Eenameenadeeka · 01/05/2025 23:22

Id be furious. If he's been bitten hard enough to have purple marks on him at bath time, there is no chance he's not screaming in pain when he's being bitten. If they don't notice how upset he is when it's happened, they are not supervising properly.

They can be screaming in pain, and the nursery know they experienced some kind of brief pain.

But if they don’t see the actual bite, and it’s under clothes then they may well not be aware. Bumped into something and got upset isn’t a particularly noteworthy event for toddlers.

Eenameenadeeka · 02/05/2025 20:20

ScaryM0nster · 02/05/2025 17:24

They can be screaming in pain, and the nursery know they experienced some kind of brief pain.

But if they don’t see the actual bite, and it’s under clothes then they may well not be aware. Bumped into something and got upset isn’t a particularly noteworthy event for toddlers.

Show quote history

There are different levels of crying and one from being bitten hard enough to leave a purple bruise would absolutely be noteworthy, and they should be checking them over to see what happened.

OneCalmFish · 03/05/2025 15:47

I would be raising it, we have to acknowledge any incidents that the nursery make us aware of and report. The ratio is 1 to 3 under 2 yrs and I would expect someone sees that occurring even now when my little one is in toddler room and it’s 1 to 5 kids. A child would cry and I would expect they be checked over if no visible reason although surely for a bite there would be marks and saliva on clothing if they’re checked straight away. Surely they will know if there is a biter, given that it’s happened to your child twice without them making you aware I’d be concerned.

tripleginandtonic · 03/05/2025 15:56

PinkPonyClubb · 01/05/2025 21:29

Hi thanks everyone for your advice. He’s not even two yet so not super vocal. He’s got a big purple bite mark. I’d cry if someone did that to me. I find it difficult to believe he wasn’t upset.

If he was busy playing he might not really have noticed. Think how often toddlers fall over and bump into things, often they only start crying if adults start fussing

MammaTo · 03/05/2025 16:19

I would raise it with them, it doesn’t have to be a massive issue just yet, see what their response is. When you next drop him off mention that you’ve noticed twice that he has had bite marks on him so could they keep a little extra eye on him.

Original poster
PinkPonyClubb · 04/05/2025 07:31

tripleginandtonic · 03/05/2025 15:56

If he was busy playing he might not really have noticed. Think how often toddlers fall over and bump into things, often they only start crying if adults start fussing

Show quote history

Totally agree with what you are saying for general bumps. But a bit that’s bruised that severely. I find it difficult to accept he would not have been upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPonyClubb · 04/05/2025 07:31

Smartiepants79 · 01/05/2025 21:41

So the first time he was bitten what did they say? Had they noticed?

Nothing was said and they didn’t know. The first time was on his chest.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkPonyClubb · 04/05/2025 07:33

Eenameenadeeka · 02/05/2025 20:20

There are different levels of crying and one from being bitten hard enough to leave a purple bruise would absolutely be noteworthy, and they should be checking them over to see what happened.

Show quote history

You’ve summarised my concerns beautifully. Thank you. This is exactly my point.

OP posts:
hockityponktas · 04/05/2025 07:40

Arrange a time to talk to them. Toddlers can experience some pretty strong emotions and it is not unusual to have extreme reactions to something as simple as the wrong colour cup.

he may have been really upset and they couldn’t figure out why, these things can happen in the blink of an eye and they can’t have eyes on every child at every single moment.

to the poster who said about saliva on his tshirt, toddlers frequently have snot, saliva etc on their T-shirts, it may not have rang alarm bells at the time?

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