Division of household labour

[Darknightsdarkmoods]

Have had some comments from friends recently that the division of labour in our house is ‘unfair’ and would love some unbiased opinions.

Person A: Cooks and washes up 100% of the time. Mows the lawn.

Person B: Does everything else. Broadly the mental load, laundry, dusting and hoovering, general kitchen and bathroom cleaning.

Do you think either of these roles is unfair (Yes you are being unreasonable) and which would you rather be if so? I’m very curious. We are DINKS both work full time.

Assuming the cleaning is done to a reasonable standard, person B is doing loads more.

What is DINKS?

Do both work to an equal level? Hours/stress/Physicality/commute?

Double income no kids...

I think friends comments are irrelevant - how do the two people involved feel? Do they have vastly different jobs for example that mean one might be in a better position to do more? There's a lot of things to consider.

If it works for both of you then it’s fair.

Both parties are equally physically and mentally capable of the housework, and jobs are similar (office based). Currently no children (hence DINK).

Thank you

And we agree it is fair and seems to work for us. I’m purely curious as to whether other folks would consider it fair or wildly skewed based on others comments….

It also depends one what you mean by cooks 100% of the time. Is that just the evening meal or also breakfast and lunch? And all washing up throughout the day.

I think I’d much prefer to be personal A. I think it is less work but I also think that in my opinion those are the nicer jobs to have. It varies though of course. For some people cooking is a hobby and they actively enjoy it. So if that’s the case is it really a job to them.

What’s the mental load when you don’t have kids??

If you agree it's fair, why give a shit about others opinions?.why do they even know?! I have no idea of my siblings or friends chore division. Are people asking, or are you oversharing?

Depends on what is meant by ‘cooking’ imo. A good evening meal can take a couple of hours to prepare, or 20 minutes if it’s a very simple affair.

I'd be person A in a heartbeat

Yes to basically all cooking and washing up throughout the day (breakfast at weekends etc and evening meals which can be anything up to an hour to cook).

Sometimes you just worry you’re being taken for a mug, that perhaps your definition of fair is based on ‘If I’m not doing 100% of the work it’s a win’ so hence others opinions are helpful

It’s impossible to say based on that because it all depends.

is the person cooking - making a 5 course meal with jus and soufflés or chucking some nuggets in the air fry?

is the garden 2mx2m or 2km x 2 Km?

etc etc

does one person actually like doing their stuff? I’d say I actually enjoy gardening and sweeping the floor for example?

based on what you’ve said, you can only go on hours spent. Is that equal?

This is a good and interesting point, as no, the hours aren’t ‘equal’. Person A will spend significantly more time on their jobs as it’s every day for at least an hour.

Does person A do the meal planning and shopping too?

I think A does more work as it is a daily job! But overall it sounds about fair. Who purchases the groceries and keeps track of what needs to be bought for cooking?! Is it A or B? I do both of A and B’s work currently as DH recovering from OP and we have two kids! I love cooking though as long as I have time. We both work full time. I do have a weekly cleaner and a gardener. But with small kids the kitchen/dining area needs sweeping and mopping daily.

But even equal time, to add my own disclaimer to my own post, isn’t everything. Is the hour spent on cooking - because they’re cooking food they want, or because the other person demands it. For example when I was a sahm, I might spend an hour making a lasagne and salad cos that’s what I fancied that night. My then husband would have happily eaten that, or equally a pizza.

I’m thinking as I go along, and actually, all that matters is that both people in the couple are happy with it. Because it’s too nuanced to have a blanket rule.

Who does the grocery shopping?

Try switching for a month and see how it feels then?

Big grocery shopping tends to be done together, meal planning swings more towards person B (hello mental load).

Person A enjoys cooking enough, and likes nice food, but Person B strongly dislikes cooking and washing up which has influenced the jobs. Neither are fussy or demanding for specific foods!

I'm not sure what the mental load is without kids? Laundry for 2 people is also very easy. My bathrooms and kitchen would be immaculate without kids! If you both have the same amount of relaxing time then it's fine. I actually wonder if person A is doing more hours??

My husband and I must be SILOKS