To not want to move by family

9 replies

Prinajdjd · 30/04/2025 15:43

DH wants to move closer (to his family.) For context we have young kids. I’m a SAHM. It’s not unusual to want to move by family except his suggesting it for the sole reason that he wants babysitters. He can hardly help me with them as he works the night shift and sleeps during the day so I have my hands full but it’s not impossible. I could definitely get more help but from a paid babysitter. But he wants to move close to his family so the kids can stay there on the weekend- for free. He has not even asked them and they are elderly so I’m certainly sure they would rather enjoy their time than chase around after kids. It seems really inconsiderate and I’d rather move to a nicer area than a bad one just for selfish reasons. He is very insistent on this idea but I think it’s extremely rude and selfish to demand for childcare. We decided to have kids it’s our responsibility.

OP posts:

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 30/04/2025 15:53

It sounds like he is making a lot of assumptions. These decisions need to be joint.

BeamMeUpp · 30/04/2025 16:08

You will be their carer before you know it, if you move.

justkeepswimingswiming · 30/04/2025 16:13

Has his family even offered to babysit? If they’re elderly, they’ll be needing you to care for them soon enough.

CarpetKnees · 30/04/2025 16:52

He needs someone to explain to him that he can't 'assume' his family would babysit.

I'm also confused by the "he can't help me with them as he works nights".
Surely that means he'd be waking up around 3pm/3.30pm and be there with you for the witching hours before he goes to work ?

Greenartywitch · 30/04/2025 17:54

Your husband should not be able to just check out of family life and should have found a different job with daytime shifts a long time ago...

It seems that he expects you and his family to raise his kids without him lifting a finger.

Do not move next to his elderly relatives because not only will you continue to do all the childcare but he will also expect you to care for them as they age.

Frankly I would give this man an ultimatum: 'get a different job and play your role as a dad or this relationship is over.'

Vaxtable · 30/04/2025 18:03

I would not be moving. Next thing you will be expected to look after the in-laws as well

outerspacepotato · 30/04/2025 18:13

He thinks his elderly relatives are going to keep his kids every weekend? 😂Amd not contribute in any way?

He's either dumb or thinks you are and is lining up their caregiver. That would be you.

It sounds like he has no interest in being a parent. He can work nights, even 12 hours nights and still spend time with his kids. But he doesn't even want to be around them when he's off on the weekend.

He sounds really checked out. Do not move.

AmusedGoose · 30/04/2025 18:35

Don't do this. Childcare is hard work and in-laws will find it tiring and you may not be happy. Is DH trying to get you back to work?

Endofyear · 30/04/2025 19:19

Surely if he's working during the week, he should want to spend his weekends with his kids? My DH worked away in the week when ours were small but was a fully hands on dad at the weekend. I don't think you should move to an area you don't want to live in just because his elderly parents are there. Could they move closer to you?

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