I will preface this by saying I haven't been single for a very long time. I have just come out of an 18 year relationship (I am 43). The relationship probably continued for 8 years longer than it should have. We stopped having sex EIGHT years ago when I had my son (DH choice- his libido was bad) and about 1 month ago I ended it after an agonising dilemma. There was zero intimacy. No hugs, no kisses.
I am bisexual and decided to dip my feet back into the world of women. I'm not really interested in men anymore.
Some people may say its too early for me to start dating but to be honest, I had put "hook ups/casual only" on my tinder profile.
I met a woman about 4 weeks ago, she is in a nearly identical situation as me. Divorced 12 months ago from a man, has moved back to women.
We have now had about 4 dates (she lives 1hr 30m away), each of them ending up in staying overnight at a hotel. We get on really well, we laugh a lot, she is kind, has a great job, nice house, a son the same age as mine so a few bits in common. she does make me feel attractive and wanted, something I haven't for a long time.
My problem is, whilst I do find her attractive, I wouldn't say it was a wow attraction. The sex is very mediocre although I appreciate she is out of practice, and teaching each other is fun. But I'm still not getting those butterflies.
She has admitted to having feelings starting to stir for me. She does pay me a lot of compliments.
I just don't feel much other than I want to just have fun/friends with benefits. I made this clear from date 1 but she seems to think that something more is starting to develop.
AIBU to tell her on the next date that if she wants something more, that we should stop spending time with each other? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but selfishly I am also reluctant to withdraw from the connection we have.
Am I just clutching at straws here? When I am with her I do feel a little bit more, but when apart I can usually take or leave contact from her.
And the kisses, she doesn't stop (in bed). I find it all a bit too much. Is it just because its only been 4 weeks? I am so out of touch with the dating thing. Back when I was in my 20's, my feelings would come thick and fast.
I don't want another relationship yet. I have felt trapped for many years and would prefer to just date, even if it is the same person. How long do I leave it to see if I start to feel more of an attraction?