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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH being unreasonable with his theory?

37 replies

Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 07:47

So I was just made redundant. (During consultation period but year whatever).

I was hired for head of department, but they created the position for me at offer stage because they didn't want to lose me.

Fast forward, and a new guy started on the level below (no big salary difference) this January.

So DH says that it's quite fishy or doesn't feel right when they could have downgraded my role and made my colleague redundant. (Last in, first out). So DH thinks it surely is performance related.

I'm not entirely sure because, I just passed my probation a month ago (with flying colours) and thanks to this making me redundant is going to cost them more £££.

I think they genuinely just saw the role title and thought, yes this one can go.

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 30/04/2025 07:50

I think maybe ask your DH for his performance review of your work as clearly knows more than the company and obviously must have been there to come up with this theory and see where he thought you went wrong

ItTook9Years · 30/04/2025 07:51

How long was your probation period, because redundancy rights don’t kick in for 2 years.

What was the role you applied for?

Nobody uses last in first out. They should be telling you as part of consultation why they are removing your role role, and you should be asking why the other one is being kept.

Shoxfordian · 30/04/2025 07:51

Does your dh often try to blame or undermine you?

HollidayRanger · 30/04/2025 07:52

That’s not very nice of him

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 07:53

ItTook9Years · 30/04/2025 07:51

How long was your probation period, because redundancy rights don’t kick in for 2 years.

What was the role you applied for?

Nobody uses last in first out. They should be telling you as part of consultation why they are removing your role role, and you should be asking why the other one is being kept.

I know the redundancy rights don't kick in until 2 years. But because I passed my probation, now they have to pay me 3 months + a pay bump. Again if it had been performance related, they could have extended my probation and only pay me one month notice and not pay bump.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 07:54

I interviewed for a "standard" title, but because of my experience they decided to offer me the title bump (also I was getting a pay cut, but o thought the title bump was a good compromise).

OP posts:
Daisyvodka · 30/04/2025 07:55

BallerinaRadio · 30/04/2025 07:50

I think maybe ask your DH for his performance review of your work as clearly knows more than the company and obviously must have been there to come up with this theory and see where he thought you went wrong

Love this reply!

Didimum · 30/04/2025 07:55

They can’t downgrade your role to your colleague’s role and make him redundant, because that role is then not redundant and should not have been made available.

BumbleBeegu · 30/04/2025 07:56

Your DH is rude and unsupportive!

On another note…have you worked there for 2 years or more OP? If not, you’re not entitled to any redundancy pay unfortunately.

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 07:57

BumbleBeegu · 30/04/2025 07:56

Your DH is rude and unsupportive!

On another note…have you worked there for 2 years or more OP? If not, you’re not entitled to any redundancy pay unfortunately.

No, I don't get any redundancy pay, but I get a decent notice period (3 months) that plus acquired AL take it to almost 4 months from today.

OP posts:
zzplea · 30/04/2025 07:58

it had been performance related, they could have extended my probation and only pay me one month notice

This is the strongest point to support your argument against your DH.

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 07:59

Didimum · 30/04/2025 07:55

They can’t downgrade your role to your colleague’s role and make him redundant, because that role is then not redundant and should not have been made available.

Yes , exactly I think it's likely to be a legal / HR reason why they can't just do that.

It would then mean that 3 people are at risk of redundancy.

So my blaming my title/role it's a much cleaner pruning exercise

OP posts:
BallerinaRadio · 30/04/2025 08:02

zzplea · 30/04/2025 07:58

it had been performance related, they could have extended my probation and only pay me one month notice

This is the strongest point to support your argument against your DH.

You shouldn't have to present a case of evidence to your partner though should you really? Privately her might think this but he really should be supporting instead of waiting for a dossier to prove him wrong that actually you aren't shit after all.

ItTook9Years · 30/04/2025 08:09

I’d be keeping an eye on the male colleagues’ job title for a little while, I think.

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 08:10

Ok so according to ACAS I can ask to downgrade my role, and they just get rid of my colleague.

From a moral POV I wouldn't do it though. I'm happy to leave, and my colleague is about to get married.

OP posts:
Nominative · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's a bit weird to recruit in January and make redundancies in April, though. Have they explained that?

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 08:23

Nominative · 30/04/2025 08:20

It's a bit weird to recruit in January and make redundancies in April, though. Have they explained that?

It's fairly common in my industry. It happened in my previous two companies.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 30/04/2025 08:35

Yes, your DH is clearly BU. The ‘fishiness’ is more likely to be good oldfashioned sexism (maybe subconsciously ‘man about to get married needs job more to support a family’ as used to be very overtly the case).

Your DH is being very unreasonable to invent an undermining cause rather than being properly supportive - sounds like you’ve enough sense and self esteem to ride it but it seems quite shitty.

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 08:41

ErrolTheDragon · 30/04/2025 08:35

Yes, your DH is clearly BU. The ‘fishiness’ is more likely to be good oldfashioned sexism (maybe subconsciously ‘man about to get married needs job more to support a family’ as used to be very overtly the case).

Your DH is being very unreasonable to invent an undermining cause rather than being properly supportive - sounds like you’ve enough sense and self esteem to ride it but it seems quite shitty.

It can be read that wayabf I kind of do BUT he also says I don't need any help with CVs, CL etc, and that I'm extremely capable of finding another job and quickly

OP posts:
FaceOrf · 30/04/2025 08:56

Even if he thought it it’s a weird thing for him to say, and then when you’ve challenged it he’s doubled down on it. I’d be very upset if I thought my DH was thinking this way about me.

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 09:04

FaceOrf · 30/04/2025 08:56

Even if he thought it it’s a weird thing for him to say, and then when you’ve challenged it he’s doubled down on it. I’d be very upset if I thought my DH was thinking this way about me.

I actually don't think it's malice and more about lack of knowledge of the corporate world

OP posts:
BountifulPantry · 30/04/2025 09:16

Accept that he believes what he believes and you believe what you believe and move on.

What he believes doesn’t really affect the situation in reality. It’s just an opinion. So just let it wash over you. You don’t have to convince him you’re right.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/04/2025 09:50

Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 07:53

I know the redundancy rights don't kick in until 2 years. But because I passed my probation, now they have to pay me 3 months + a pay bump. Again if it had been performance related, they could have extended my probation and only pay me one month notice and not pay bump.

Show quote history

My company are 💯 making sacking based on level.
We fired some amazing people at ic7 and kept some awful weak people at ic6 level

It's, i suppose, possible they could have offered you a down grade but equally for bureaucratic reason it not have been.

Your dh sounds unhelpful - he'd be better off spending his time scouting linkedin and helping you find new jobs

Original poster
Isitameproblem · 30/04/2025 11:18

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 30/04/2025 09:50

My company are 💯 making sacking based on level.
We fired some amazing people at ic7 and kept some awful weak people at ic6 level

It's, i suppose, possible they could have offered you a down grade but equally for bureaucratic reason it not have been.

Your dh sounds unhelpful - he'd be better off spending his time scouting linkedin and helping you find new jobs

Show quote history

I think that's what it is.
Also my other colleagues need the job more than I do, and I really don't want that "bad karma" on me.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 30/04/2025 11:22

Weird that he is even bringing this up with you, even if it crossed his mind. He sounds very unsupportive.