Relationship is difficult, do i start again?

[Ermintrude81]

Im having a really hard time trying to work out if i should stay with my husband. We have been together for 20 years and have 2 children 12 and 16. He has recently told me that he really liked somone from work, nothing happened but she texted him messagevto say she would love to b with him if he was single. My husband then invited her out with us and some other friends. I found out after, that he liked her. I was hurt by this. He has backed out of parenting for the last few years and the children dont really do things when he asks because he has not been present. Due to work commitments he has hardly been around which has not helped us. When we first got together i loved him so dearly and he was my best friend. He has so let me down. As the years have gone by what i envisaged for our marriage just wasnt there. He doesnt notice me, or if he does its with prompting, i sometimes feel i have a third child. Im left to be in charge so much it is hard work. He is on the spectrum which doesnt help. He now also does not really want to sleep with me, which i find very difficult, as to me it is so important for bonding and keeping us intimate together.

We kerp deciding to seperate and make an efgort for a few days and then it just goes pear shaped again with lots of arguing. This is now the 3rd time we have decided to stay together after saying we will seperate and i am strughling with him again, either he doesnt bother doing things or he does thenm so badly i just have to step in or re do everything which is more tiring. I care about him a lot but what do i do. Starting again is daunting.

Cut your loses and split for good. People's traits come out more as we age, so it is only going to get worse. He doesn't have your back, which you need as you age. It's just going to get lonelier and lonelier, especially once both children want their freedom.

If nothing else this sounds absolutely dire for your children

Starting again is daunting.

How's the retrying the same old broken relationship? Let's try one more time? oops its failed again because I'm getting closer to hating you every single day, you fancy other women, you're absent in life, love and the kids?

How's the retries working out? What makes you think another one will be any different? So what options do you have? This? or start again?

Why should he try, you stay regardless.
Nothing will change until you leave or tell him to move out. Let him go have his fling and you can start to live your life without him making it worse than it needs to be.

Sorry OP, but I think it's time to put a permanent end to this relationship. It's clear to an outsider that all the attempts to put things behind you and move forward have failed. My DD has an expression that she uses to cover this situation, I think it goes something like:

If you always do,
what you've always done,
you'll always get,
what you've always got!

Basically it would be madness to continue, when you've already proved that it's not going to change. I understand it's daunting, but so many women have done it over the years, including me, and we've always managed. There's a lot of help available if you need it OP. What exactly do you find daunting?

It's up to you to make the decision. No point dithering, and letting him carry on carrying on. He's lost interest in you, so be decisive, be strong.