To think that marriage is mostly about financial security and love is just the sales pitch?

[PearlMember]

I’m not saying love isn’t important but it feels like marriage is still very much about stability, money, and practical benefits - with “love” just being the nice marketing spin we all buy into.

Would people really marry someone they loved if they brought no stability, no support, and no shared security to the relationship? AIBU to think marriage is still mainly a financial institution, not a romantic one?

Some of those who currently get married likely wouldn't. There'd also be some who don't marry who would. I suspect we'd see quite a lot of people change their arrangements.

It’s not lovley and I know that. But the worst thing to lose for me in this world is love. I know what marriage is legally and what losses that incurs. It’s just that losing love is … it’s just, I would give all the material stuff in a second for love. I know. I’m stupid. I can’t seem to override my heart in this life. I’m trying.

I pick my husband but I don’t need him for any reason - financial security included!

I’m sorry if you thought my saying it was lovely was sarcastic: it wasn’t, it was genuine. Tone is hard to convey on here. I believe in genuine real heartfelt love and couldn’t live without it, in all its forms. Being a romantic doesn’t make you stupid and if I implied that I really do apologise.

I just wish more people went in to the legal contract of marriage with their eyes open, and took necessary precautions to make sure everyone involved has a safety net.

I've often wondered what love actually is

Seems it can quickly disappear

When I got married it was purely because it felt like the next step in our relationship. We loved each other and we hit the point in our lives where we wanted to make that solid commitment and start a family.

The thought of future financial security wasn’t even a factor, it didn’t occur to either of us.

To be honest, it wasn’t until we had children that we started to think seriously about “financial security” because up until that point we didn’t have any commitments and we were just free to live our lives and spend our money as we wanted.

Since we got married and had children things have changed a lot in our lives regards to our income and I’m very, very glad that I have the feeling of being protected due to being married. With how our situation currently is I certainly wouldn’t feel as settled in life if I didn’t have the security (including financial) that marriage brings.

I married my husband simply because we loved each other. Which we did, until his death. Nothing else came into play. 🤷‍♀️

I think marriage has traditionally been pretty bad for women where they end up doing all of the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, childcare plus carrying the mental load of life admin + domestic + family shit that needs doing. Where women have done that you can see the attraction of marriage for a certain type of man (who isn't the type most of us would want to marry anyway).

I married for love and I'm still in love. There certainly wasn't any financial stability involved at the time. And I don't do all of the above, the labour is divided fairly reasonably so it works for us.

For some people maybe. Not for me, I love my DH and it has nothing to do with finances or sales.

I married for love. We didn't have a penny to rub together at the tine either I wouldn't have children without being married to their father

Oh no! It at all, I thought you were being very genuine, so sorry if it came across like I didn’t, I thought your post was really, truly kind! I think it just made me reflect but not for a second did you come across unkind, your post felt very genuine to me! X

Marriage made us work on our relationship. I'm not sure we would have pre kids if we hadn't been married. But perhaps that's our mindset rather than actual marriage

In my opinion and experience, you are wrong.
Marriage is the expression of a love that you feel for each other, want to proclaim in front of your family and friends and the world, you want your partner covered in case anything happens to you, you want them to decide for you in case you cannot, you want them to be fully legally recognised in all aspects of your life.
If that is not love, then what is it?

OP is right. Also it is about starting a family together.

Marriage is a legal/financial contract.

Not if you are over 40 and between 90 it is not.
Child rearing/bearing is only 20 years.

They get to procreate and get free childcare ha! Most men don't even want kids or don't care either way. No one is forcing women to have them either. So sick of all the moaning about having to look after kids-just don't have them if it's so terrible!

I think a lot of people think they are in love and the chance to get a mortgage, share bills etc, encourages them past that last little vestige of uncertainty.

Some still for religious reasons, some to try to offer children as much stability as possible.

As a financially secure woman with a ds and a home of my own, I would find it hard to justify marrying for any reason now. I can be just as happy without a certificate.

But love isn't all happiness and roses and theres more to a marriage than a wedding day. I guess it's more romance or unrealistic expectations people that can blind side people.

Going through a difficult time before getting married can really show someone's true colours.

My cousin got divorced some years ago because she wanted the marriage her parents had and had not really experienced life.