Colleague insulting me about past relationship

[87Mumof2]

Would you consider this to be inappropriate for someone to say to you at work? Our company hasn’t done a big Christmas do since 2019, using Covid as an excuse for the 2/3 years after and then doing more localised things in teams after that. It was announced yesterday that they will be bringing back a big company wide party this year and everyone was understandably happy.

I met my now ex partner at the last party in 2019, a drunken snog as you do and then that developed into a relationship which lasted until 2023. Speaking in our break area with some colleagues, one of them said ‘I wonder if there will be any romance this year’ to which another colleague looked at me and said ‘it depends if ‘my name’ can keep her legs closed’ and everyone laughed.

I have taken real offence to this, despite the colleague saying straight after ‘only joking’. Do you think I am over-reacting?

Wildly inappropriate - that would be gross misconduct in my (large) organisation. Plenty of jokes and banter to be made at work that don't involve slut shaming a colleague.

Sounds like sexual harassment to me.

Yeah see this is the thing, “only joking” “only banta” usually comes after something incredibly inappropriate and rude.

You aren’t overreacting, I don’t think I’d worry too much if someone said I wonder if they’ll be another romance this year to me, but I would be offended if they then added “unless hellosaidfred doesn’t keep their legs shut”

Everything @bizzylizzy87 said. Wildly inappropriate behaviour from the colleague and I would be reporting it.

YANBU OP. If it landed badly with you it probably was disrespectful

yes over the top but if it was said in a fractural way eg x person meet their ex partner at the last one etc would it still been seen as omg ?

Omg! So inappropriate! I would not accept the “I’m only joking” - attitude - that is just an excuse for bad behaviour.

Jesus ! That's horribly offensive. What a vile person .....I'd have a word quietly and say its upset you. Say that you'd rather not take it further. See what the reaction is. If the reaction is ALSO inappropriate, throw the fucking book at them

Sexual Misconduct

Keeps her legs closed?! That's so derogatory. Like saying as soon as a woman parts her thighs a few millimetres she'll instantly be penetrated by every dick in the vicinity?!
Horrible sexist shit of a comment.

Straight to HR with that.
How disgusting, joke or not

Yikes, I'd have smarted a bit at the 'keep her legs closed' comment but I do think that snogging a work colleague at a work do does reasonably invite some joking around the general topic. The wording was definitely OTT though.

I’m pretty thick skinned when it comes to office banter but I would have reported that one

I would also speak to HR about that.

Misogyny and slut shaming needs to end, especially in the work place; you only kissed a guy, you didn’t shag him in the middle of the dance floor 🙄