To holiday on my own and not include single friend?

[TwoLeggedGrooveMachine]

I’m 50 and married with two teenagers. One is diagnosed ASD and the other in on the waiting list for assessment. I’ve just started a new FT role (previously 80% but hated the job). I’m feeling burnt out and done with making decisions for everyone.

I’d love to go away alone for some sunshine and swimming. As a family we never do Med hotel type holidays. We self cater and explore a lot which I love but I want a few days of not thinking about feeding and entertaining people. One of my closest friends keeps asking if we can go away together but I don’t want to as she is hard work when we go away. She gets stressed out when away from her familiar surroundings. In our women friends there are other people who are single and child free but they are prepared to go alone on tours and activity holidays, or go together. Single friend would not go alone and is not prepared to allocate the budget that others have spent when they go together.

AIBU to not invite her to go with me? She’s been telling me she is lonely but I socialise with her quite a bit and we meet for coffees and walks so I’m not a smug married unavailable friend.

Of course you can go alone. Just don't say you've been.

Why on Earth would you be unreasonable?! Just tell her you’re going away by yourself and don’t tell her any details of your plans. It’s your holiday, it’s completely straight forward and reasonable to do it however you like. This isn’t an issue.

you are definitely not being unreasonable, at the end of the day she is a friend, not your child, so if you want to go on your own and enjoy yourself for some peace, you go for it! If she doesnt like it then, well, shes a grown adult and she’ll have to get over it! Hope you have a great holiday 😁

Yanbu. You need time to yourself without having to think about anyone else. Book it and don’t even tell your friend you’re going. You don’t owe her a holiday.

I agree the first bit, a person is entitled to holiday alone

Do not tell her you are going away until you come back! There are too many cfs on here which indicate it would be a bad idea.
If you do tell her, be very vague about destination, airport, flight times etc.
I suspect you might have to be blunt eventually and tell her you want to go alone

I wouldn't not tell her but I would make it clear that the biggest pull for you is being alone doing what you want and that you don't want anyone to come with you. Don't be emotionally blackmailed by her as you will end up feeling resentful if she is as hard work as you say

Don't tell her anything.

Just say, "Sorry, I can't."

Absolutely YANBU to go alone.

You have the right to put your own needs first.

I wouldn’t outright tell her, but if she asks or finds out be really clear that this is what you need, and you’re going to put yourself first. No need to tell her she’s hard work, just that you want to go alone.

Edit - but if you do tell her, I agree be very vague re destination

Remember, it's not your responsibility to solve her loneliness. Don't be guilty tripped, don't be swayed.

Your primary responsibility is to yourself.

It's a shame she is lonely, so support her in that, "what will you do" - ah can we go away together, "no, that doesn't work for me. What else will you do

Of course you don't have to invite her. You have particular requirements for the sort of holiday you will want and will enjoy, which include going alone!

Why should you spend precious money and annual leave on the sort of holiday you don't want in order to salve someone else's loneliness? Be kind and all that but you have to start with being kind to yourself.

I'm just being nosy now but in what way is she "hard work"? And what does this mean: Single friend would not go alone and is not prepared to allocate the budget that others have spent when they go together? If I'm guessing right it sounds like she is only willing to pay for a very basic holiday which will further restrict your wishes or means you would have to subsidise her. Just hell NO!

Maybe if she worked on being less hard work she'd find it easier to find holiday companions.

Don't tell her anything about the holiday, just book it, go away by yourself and have a wonderful time! You deserve this. You don't owe her a holiday. You're allowed to put your own needs first for a change!

Just hook the holiday and don’t say anything about it unless the last moment or send a pic when on the beach and say it was all last minute

See I disagree with not talking about it. If this woman is a close friend then holidays are things that will be discussed. Not talking about it is almost like it's a shameful secret which it absolutely isn't. She might want to tell other mutual friends, share photos on social media which she won't be able to do if she hides this

I think the op just needs to make it clear that she doesn't want to holiday with anyone, not just this friend. That this is a self care holiday for her and it is absolutely essential she goes alone. She needs to keep these boundaries and ensure she does not allow herself to be manipulated by her friend.

Of course you can go alone. It’s not like you are turning her down. You are just arranging some alone time for yourself. You don’t need to keep that a secret from her either. Go, relax, enjoy yourself. You might inspire her to brave a solo trip too!

Go. Go alone. Tell everyone you’re going alone as you need some alone time to recharge, replenish, reset. Have an amazing bloody time on your own. I’m going alone for a spa day tomorrow. Can’t bloody wait.

Her loneliness isn't your burden to carry. Go alone.

Refuse to discuss any holiday plans, and if she asks to tag along, keep repeating, 'I need this time to be on my own'. she sounds like a nightmare holiday companion!

Just tell her you're going by yourself as you need this time to recharge alone. It's not as if you're choosing another friend over her.

I am late thirties and have never had a boyfriend. My friends are like you - married with children.

Sometimes Often I feel sad, pathetic and rejected by society men but I would never, ever expect my married friends to include me in their holiday plans.

Go on holiday and have a lovely time not cooking ☀

Perhaps your friend could go on a singles holiday? That might be better for her too because she will be there to meet and do things with other people.

It's quite clear @TwoLeggedGrooveMachine that you need some "me-time" so don't feel bad about going alone on your trip. Enjoy!