To want my husband to stop smoking?

[chloemegjess]

My husband has smoked on and off for the last year or so and keeps promising to quit completly. We can't afford for him to smoke, as we are struggling with money. I just see it as...why should I cut back on food shopping, get all DDs stuff second hand, wear old skanky clothes etc all to save money, when my husband then goes out and blows the money on fags???

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to stop to help our money situation and be able to afford better things for our DD in life? He keeps just smoking behind my back!

Difficult one. As the proud owner of a currently-smoking DH, I'd say make him quit, because it bloody stinks. Ugh. Much as I believe in an individual's right to put what they want in their own body, I think smoking around kids is extremely selfish, regardless of the financial impact. Regarding the money, does all the money you have come out of one big pot or do you each have a bit that you can spend on treats (clothes, toiletries or whatever) for yourselves?

I think maybe YAB a teeny bit U but I entirely see your point!

You are definately NOT being unreasonable.If you have to wear skanky clothes because you are trying to economise, how dare he waste family money like that!

Having said that, I have no idea how you can get him to give up. Good luck

wat does YAB mean rainywed? Sorry if it obvious!

All our money goes together but to be honest, I have NO money to spend on myself, where as DH goes out drinking at least 2-3 times a month, eats takeaways at luch from work, buys fags, games etc and this is the only thing I am asking him to give up. I dont mind him going out drinking, as I do think he needs that time out and I would if I could.

tiredlady, thats exactly how I see it.

Sorry - it was YABU (you are being unreasonable) but with some extra words between the YAB and the U because I think it's a grey area and I can understand where you're coming from.

Though I loathe smoking, I think it's difficult to insist on what another adult can and can't do to themselves or spend their money on.

However if the rest of you are going without as a result then that's not fair, regardless of what he was buying. Could you each have your own bit of "personal" money to spend on yourselves? - then you'd both know how much he was going to spend on fags(/going out etc) and could budget accordingly, and you wouldn't feel so resentful.

In the meantime, work on DD getting him to give up - I made my dad give up when I was four due to continual guilt trips

MY DD is only 4.5months, lol.

MY HUSBAND DOESNT KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD BUDGET!!!!

AND I have NO personal money watso ever.

if he cant afford it he really shouldnt do it

my DP finally quit smoking at New Year but has taken up snuss, this scandinavian alternative. I think it is way better, no smoke and he does it very unobtrusively, so DD will probably never guess, whereas she would have had he kept smoking. You have to order it on the internet, and it is like a little teabag of tobacco that goes under your top lip. I reckon it is a good alternative, and cheaper than nicorettes. not as good as quitting totally but DP was never going to do that. I hope your chap gives up eventually, good luck.

yanbu - i gave up when i was pregnant with ds1 (10 years ago) and dp was supossed to give up with me, im still waiting for him to give.... i really dont think he ever will to be honest, he has seen our neighbour die of lung cancer and we were with him when he was coughing blood up every where, his mother recently died at 54 from pneumonia which was made 100% worse as she kept smoking when she was ill and in the end she ended up in ITU and they couldnt get enough oxygen into her as she had knackered her lungs.
BUT still he carries on.
at least he doesnt drink alcohol as well..
(his dad dies of liver disease)