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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tips on how to pull out of a hobby

20 replies

OrangeChips1 · 28/04/2025 19:53

My friends and I started a hobby together but for me it's too long - about 5 hours, all sitting down. I feel like I'm missing time just walking/catching up/having a meal etc.

But if I pull out it ruins it for everyone else (they basically wouldn't be able to play). They could find a new person and start again, but from past experience I think it's unlikely they will, usually say they'll wait for me. I'm not sure how to pull out gracefully.

On a journey to being moe assertive so apologies if this is a really basic question!

OP posts:

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 28/04/2025 19:55

D&D? Something like that is a massive long term commitment to time.

I think you just have to be honest. Say you gave it a go but long term you don’t thing it’s for you and you’d like to bow out gracefully now and ask them to replace you.

Ablondiebutagoody · 28/04/2025 20:03

Could some gambling liven it up?

Original poster

OrangeChips1 · 28/04/2025 20:10

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 28/04/2025 19:55

D&D? Something like that is a massive long term commitment to time.

I think you just have to be honest. Say you gave it a go but long term you don’t thing it’s for you and you’d like to bow out gracefully now and ask them to replace you.

Yes, how did you know?! 🤣
I do enjoy it, but would like about 3 hrs of play as I feel like I am neglecting other needs any longer than that. But I'm not sure if it's possible to condense it into that.

OP posts:

InSpainTheRain · 28/04/2025 20:11

I think you have to bite the bullet and tell them. Perhaps say something like whilst you've enjoyed it you need something less time consuming so you can catch up on jobs, or you want to move around more/get more exercise as your job involves sitting too (if it does!) Perhaps give them a couple of weeks if they want to have a look for someone, but give a date when you'll be done.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 28/04/2025 20:14

My first guess was D&D too! Maybe there just aren’t many things that last that long and you’re just sitting down. Anyway, if it’s an ongoing storyline running over several weeks can’t you just do shorter individual sessions? You should be able to stop at any point and pick it back up again the following week. In which case, you could just say you can’t do long sessions anymore so either agree for the sessions to be shorter or they need to replace you.

Original poster

OrangeChips1 · 28/04/2025 20:22

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 28/04/2025 20:14

I hadn't even heard of it till a few weeks ago so didn't realise it was so easy to guess!
Yes this is a good idea. Thank you :)

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 28/04/2025 20:39

Its totally possible to shorten the sessions. DH plays a game online with friends weekly and they don't do more than 2.5 hours on that, but also game in person monthly for 8 hours at a time as its their meeting up time

Soonenough · 28/04/2025 20:49

Bloody hell. I thought only teenage boys did that and furniture had to be rearranged . No idea it was still going , played by adults and took up that many hours ! No way could I tolerate 5 hours of anything never mind find the time to do it . That's nearly half a working day . Gobsmacked .
But it is perfectly OK to tell them it's too much for you to committ to any longer and if they can't shorten the time , you will regretfully have to stop playing .

ridingfreely · 28/04/2025 21:17

Her to find out what D and D is

Where2GoNext · 28/04/2025 21:37

@ridingfreely Dungeons and dragons!

I didn't realise the sessions/games were that long

Original poster

OrangeChips1 · 28/04/2025 21:50

Thanks all, makes me feel a lot better. I know it was a really simple thing but I really struggle with boundaries 😖

OP posts:

Gundogday · 28/04/2025 21:53

can you give a heads up that you plan to stop? Ie, just say that’s it’s not for you, and you’ll be stopping on June 1st. This gives them time to find someone else.

Quitelikeit · 28/04/2025 21:55

What’s d&d

hididdlyho · 28/04/2025 21:58

My DH has a similar problem with his gaming group as people have work and family commitments so can't play for a whole evening every week. They arranges sessions once every month or two when everyone can make it for the main story. On the weeks not everyone can make it they do stand alone sessions (I think they're called one shots). Maybe you could suggest a similar arrangement to your group if you're not wanting to quit completely.

MasterBeth · 28/04/2025 22:08

Can't you just get murdered by an ogre or something?

careerbreakheaven · 28/04/2025 22:16

I play in bands and it can be a similar dynamic.
In my experience, there’s a good way and a bad way to exit.

The good way is to give notice (as you would for a job) and say that you would like to leave on a particular date. Say that this will give them a chance to find your replacement. Say that you’ve really enjoyed it but other priorities have now taken over. Thank them for the great time you’ve had together

The bad way is to throw a hissy fit and storm out, or leave without notice, or gaslight them.

You should aim to leave on really friendly terms

Gundogday · 29/04/2025 07:29

MasterBeth · 28/04/2025 22:08

Can't you just get murdered by an ogre or something?

Best answer on the thread!

(disclaimer - no nothing about d and d)

DastardlyPigeon · 29/04/2025 07:32

Dragons & Dungeons?
Dungeons & Dragons?

scalt · 29/04/2025 07:49

Definitely set a date for when you’re going to stop, to give them time to find somebody. I’ve done this when ending my involvement in group activities.

LightCameraBitchSmile · 29/04/2025 08:05

How often are you playing? Couldn’t you just all play less often?

just talk to them!

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