To not want to go clubbing with my hot single friends?

[Zipperweather]

Two of my closest friends are single and good looking blondes. One is particularly hot imo.

They keep asking to go clubbing, but we’ve been a few times and it ends up being like

We dance together, men approach them, they chat most of the night and dance with the men, I dance myself like a plum and feel grateful I’m married because otherwise my confidence would be at an all time low 🤣 as I dance alone.

AIBU to just suggest coffee dates, walks etc? I’m really over it. Even a cocktail bar would work but they wanna go where there’s men and I just end up feeling like a spare pr1ck!

I'd be suggesting alternate arrangements like you said, and if they push for the clubbing just point out that you're not getting anything from going clubbing, you're not there just so they don't walk into a club alone, so you'll dip out this time. You'd much prefer a location where you guys can chat and socialise as opposed to the loud noisy club where they become indisposed and fuck you off as soon as a bloke gives them attention.

Either that or go to the club and leave when they abandon you for guys (right I'm off, see you later)

Maybe they will get the hint.

I'm sure if they're real friends, they don't need to go clubbing with you and you can do other activities if they want to see you. If they're both single let them crack on with nightclubs together.

Can you maybe compromise and go for drinks/cocktails before hand and then let them go a club on their own?

Yanbu at all girl, it's so horrible being in that situation x

Yeah it’s humbling to say the least 🤣 but also you just feel like billy no mates up there dancing.

I have suggested they go out the two of them but it’s an awkward one in that I am closer to them, so I think they feel they don’t know each other enough for that, but I feel like they’ll get to know each other better the two of them anyway. I couldn’t get out of the last occasions due to birthdays and new job celebrations etc but I’ll just be honest and say it’s not really my scene and I don’t want them to feel held back.

I think it’s the only time I’ve felt any divide between single friends and non single friends.

This. There’s no need for them to drag you along to clubs,they can go together. Is there any particular reason they want you to go? Areyputhe designated driver or something? Or are you a sort of insurance policy so that if one of them cops off the other is not on her own?

@KimberleyClark so it’s mostly been pubs (which I’m fine with, we all have a good laugh the three of us) that have then turned them wanting to go to a club and then me joining because my DH couldn’t pick me up until later on so otherwise I’d have just been myself in a pub. I don’t know what’s worse actually lol

It sounds like they like having you there as a safety net as it ensures neither are on their own if the other pulls before them - that’s not a great way to be thought of - as a fair weather friend who can be used for their benefit - and the fact they BOTH ditch YOU when they have men to pre-occupy them is pretty shitty of them - they give zero fucks about how you feel.

Don’t go out with just the two of them clubbing again is my advice and be honest as to why. Would they even feel bad if you pointed this out to them or think you’re selfish for ruining their set up?

@Notsosure1 no I don’t think it’s as malicious as that. I think guys speak to them, they speak back, it turns into a full convo, so on the dance floor they are both speaking to men at the same time whilst I just dance myself. They don’t actually go and ‘pull’ them or leave with them, or leave the dance floor/bar/wherever we all are with them tbh. I think I just feel like an idiot because I’m dancing alone, sipping my drink.

They are nice girls but I think they’d react like OH SORRY I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE and then do it again. But by ‘doing it’ I mean just replying to men who speak to them so I also feel it’s an unreasonable ask from me? I think it’s best just avoiding the setting in general and saying beforehand I’m not interested if we are going to a club.

I wouldn't put the emphasis on them being 'hot', rather more that being single they are open to spending the evening with men and you're not. You will all no doubt be giving off signals that make your position clear! Totally reasonable to say to them that if they're open to meeting men on the nights out you'll give it a miss. You could then either meet them elsewhere as you suggest, or as I and my friendship group of some married some single did, agree beforehand that that particular night was about you having fun together, any approaching men would be sent on their way, and other nights were for being on the pull.