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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you notice/would this irk you?

22 replies

Whaleadthesnail · 27/04/2025 22:17

DD does a weekend sports club for preschoolers, we recently moved up the age band so new group of people in the class.

There was DD, another girl and three boys.

After a few activities with all the cones out it was time to clear up ready for the next activity. Usually all the kids would run around helping collect the cones but the three boys sat at the front waiting and watching while the girls picked them all up. Parents on the sidelines didn't even stand up to cajole them just a half hearted 'oh, aren't you going to help?'

Yes I KNOW there are bigger issues, Im just thinking do gender roles/stereotypes start that young? Why did the boys think it was ok not to help and why did the parents think the same? I'd be irritated if it was any child, boy or girl, not helping btw but I did find it a bit off.

Won't devote anymore thought to it beyond tonight but just curious to see what mumsnet thinks!

OP posts:
SaulHudsonDavidJones · 27/04/2025 22:19

Totally agree with you. That could have been coincidence that it was the boys not helping, but in general, this is life. It’s always the girls at work who organise the birthday cards, leaving gifts and Christmas parties right.

vincettenoir · 27/04/2025 22:23

Yes I would notice. Yes it would irk me.

KarmenPQZ · 27/04/2025 22:23

Unfortunately the roles and stereotypes do start that young. Since you noticed it please do us all a favour and don’t leave it unchecked. At the start of the next session just mention your observation to the coach and get them to make sure every child gets 2 cones or whatever.

IDontLikeMostPeople · 27/04/2025 22:25

Omg yes that would annoy me. It's sexist at the least.

Amateurs10 · 27/04/2025 22:25

Yes that would really piss me off.
Watch the next session and then have a word with the coach or leader.
I would be concerned if they allow that to fly.
Wouldn't be normal for all not to help out.

2BRN2B · 27/04/2025 22:26

Ooh, this would bother me. I’d defo say something.

Original poster
Whaleadthesnail · 27/04/2025 22:26

KarmenPQZ · 27/04/2025 22:23

Unfortunately the roles and stereotypes do start that young. Since you noticed it please do us all a favour and don’t leave it unchecked. At the start of the next session just mention your observation to the coach and get them to make sure every child gets 2 cones or whatever.

I almost said, loudly enough for the parents to hear 'gosh, the girls running around picking up while the boys relax, it starts young doesn't it!' but I chickened out!

You're right, let's hope it's a one off but I'll mention it if it becomes a theme

OP posts:
TheAppledoesnt · 27/04/2025 22:26

If it happens again I’d tell them to help. Or speak to the leader. Totally not acceptable

tulippa · 27/04/2025 22:32

SaulHudsonDavidJones · 27/04/2025 22:19

Totally agree with you. That could have been coincidence that it was the boys not helping, but in general, this is life. It’s always the girls at work who organise the birthday cards, leaving gifts and Christmas parties right.

Agree with this. I will always refuse to get involved with organising Christmas dos, birthday collections etc until I see a man doing one. It has never happened so I keep refusing.
OP, the activity organiser should have instructed all the children to help.

2BRN2B · 27/04/2025 22:32

I would have said what you thought of saying. But then I’m tiny, old and don’t give a toss. My DH would like to gag me sometimes. 😂

Saz12 · 27/04/2025 22:36

Yes, I would notice & be irked!

Original poster
Whaleadthesnail · 27/04/2025 22:39

Hmm, now you all mention it the usual main coach was not there today. I think if he was he'd have probably been more firm about getting them up on their feet so maybe that's part of it. Either way the parents lack of effort is still annoying.

OP posts:
ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 27/04/2025 22:43

You can and should raise it with any ciach or leader, without explicitly bringing sexism into it. Some kids tidying up while others don't bother isn't OK, whatever the reason behind it.

Masmavi · 27/04/2025 22:46

Yes it starts young and it needs correcting by the coach.

mommatoone · 27/04/2025 23:07

Yes it would piss me off. But not because of gender roles, just the fact that the parents didn't step in and tell their kids to help🤷‍♀️

HarpSnail · 27/04/2025 23:08

Whaleadthesnail · 27/04/2025 22:26

I almost said, loudly enough for the parents to hear 'gosh, the girls running around picking up while the boys relax, it starts young doesn't it!' but I chickened out!

You're right, let's hope it's a one off but I'll mention it if it becomes a theme

Show quote history

I don’t think that kind of passive-aggressive remark will help at all. Talk to the teacher/coach if it’s a regular thing, but do so directly.

Original poster
Whaleadthesnail · 27/04/2025 23:15

HarpSnail · 27/04/2025 23:08

I don’t think that kind of passive-aggressive remark will help at all. Talk to the teacher/coach if it’s a regular thing, but do so directly.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes I know - that's just what I was thinking in the moment!

OP posts:
Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 27/04/2025 23:16

They need teaching to pitch in,that's how it starts if their mums run after them doing everything once older they expect a partner to do the same.

herbalteabag · 27/04/2025 23:22

It was the coaches responsibility to make sure everyone was helping and to cajole them. As someone who has worked in schools, I would say that it's probably more personality. I worked in a reception class where at least 5 girls would never help tidy up and would try to sneak off and get out of it, every single day.
Some boys were not helpful either, but some were very helpful.
As a parent watching I would probably not get involved but would welcome my child being told to get involved by the coach.

Saracen · 27/04/2025 23:30

I do think these gendered expectations start very young, but in this particular case I think it's more likely coincidence. IME no preschooler ever tidies up unless either they are being really nagged to do so, or they perceive cone-collecting to be a fun activity. Which many preschoolers do, unlike older kids.

I admit that I rarely gave my (girl) children strong encouragement to pick up cones at sports. There always seemed to be enough willing children who considered it a real treat to zoom around picking them up, so I thought there was no need to turn it into a chore. Maybe in a little class of five that doesn't work 🤔as it could happen that no one wants to do it.

TeenLifeMum · 27/04/2025 23:36

I’d probably be saying passive aggressive comments in my head but, like you say, probably not helpful. I’d make a comment to the coach so they can be more on it. Parents of boys seem to think they are princes. Poor dh and his brother never comes living at home because the cooker was gas and mil thought it would be dangerous for her boys (age 20 ffs).

MyLittleNest · 27/04/2025 23:46

That would have seriously pissed me off. If it happens again, I'd make a joking comment for the whole group (i.e. the parents) to hear.

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