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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My mother is driving me nuts

9 replies

Lastandfirst · 27/04/2025 21:15

So a bit of background.
My mum is living with us for at least the next 12 weeks while she completes on the house she is buying.

So we have her and all her belongings in our house and garage.

She is driving me mad! And I feel awful.

-She’s going deaf but won’t wear her hearing aids, constantly asking for things to be repeated, even when she’s not involved in the conversation.

-This also means that the tv is turned up. So I feel like there is constant noise.

-She hums, sings the same line of a song constantly/radomly all the time, at the moment it’s George Ezra. She taps her fingers on every surface. Keeps saying the word ‘wow’ at everything!!!!

-Every phone call is taken on loud speaker in the living room or kitchen basically anywhere people are. So we all have to listen about her mate Dorris’ bunions are doing. I’ve asked her to use her bedroom and she now goes to the bedroom with the door open.

-The worst thing is her smoking and smokers cough. She goes outside and we have a covered part over our garage that I’ve told her to use to smoke but she just hangs out the back door making then entry way smell and lingers on her clothes, first thing in the morning it turns my stomach.
I also suspect she’s smoking in the bedroom but she’s denied it.
Then there’s the cough… constant coughing day and night.

I’ve tried talking to her but she’s is so defensive.
I’ve given her jobs to do and try to keep her busy and take her out places. But I’ve two children and a job.

I’m trying really hard but I feel like I’m gonna burst and I’m sure I’m annoying too.

I just need to vent, not sure how I’ll get through the next 12 weeks without resorting to wine every night.

Anyone else completely irritated by a parent?

OP posts:
Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 27/04/2025 21:18

My mum drove me batty with similar (I can't hear but won't wear my hearing aid) issues. She also has dementia. This is more likely to happen in people with hearing loss and also in smokers. Is that something that could be an issue with her?

Beautifulsunflowers · 27/04/2025 21:25

oh dear. I think that even without the issues you have raised I would struggle to live with my mum for 12 weeks!

You need as many days or nights out as possible. Could you use the next 12 weeks to catch up with friends as much as you can? Use mum as a babysitter and go out with dp.
Can mum go and stay a few nights with anyone else? Any friends she can visit far far away? Any other family that can give you any respite?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 27/04/2025 21:30

-This also means that the tv is turned up. So I feel like there is constant noise.

Put subtitles on. Turn volume down.

Lastandfirst · 27/04/2025 21:31

Since she’s lived with us, I’ve wondered.

I wouldn’t say her memory is bad. She remembers appointments and good with names and dates.

Ive noticed that’s she forgets the name of things, for example I asked her to open a tin of beans and she couldn’t remember the name of the tin opener.

Maybe keep an eye on this.

OP posts:
Lastandfirst · 27/04/2025 21:38

Yes, she’s been good with babysitting so that’s a plus.

We had subtitles on and still the tv got turned up 🙈

My sister lives 3 hours away and is finding the whole thing hilarious. Not helpful. Have threatened to send mum down for the bank holiday weekend at then end of the month.

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 27/04/2025 22:21

I would definitely not let her hang out the back door to smoke. You have kids and it’s very bad for them, as some WILL blow back. This would be a red line at my house anyway, and bugger her defensiveness.

Squarestones · 27/04/2025 22:26

Lastandfirst · 27/04/2025 21:38

Yes, she’s been good with babysitting so that’s a plus.

We had subtitles on and still the tv got turned up 🙈

My sister lives 3 hours away and is finding the whole thing hilarious. Not helpful. Have threatened to send mum down for the bank holiday weekend at then end of the month.

Absolutely do this. My MIL lived with us for 4 months in similar house buying circumstances, and the only reason we all just about stayed on speaking terms was because she did quite a lot of long weekends with friends and her other DC.

Not sure what to advise on all the other bits except I did find that by the end I was less annoyed about almost everything because I had just got used to things. The start was the worst.

JohnTheRevelator · 27/04/2025 22:30

Oh blimey OP,I do sympathise. My late DM was rather deaf and had a hearing aid,but refused to wear it. Hence the constant 'Eh? Eh?' because she couldn't hear properly. Most of the time I wasn't even actually talking to her,but she'd still want me to keep repeating what I was saying to someone else! Drove me nuts.

Loubylie · 12/06/2025 00:40

It could be much longer than 12 weeks.
Send her to your sisters for half the time.

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