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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Double Booked

27 replies

Millie0917 · 27/04/2025 20:39

I have been invited to my nieces1st birthday party. But have also been given some tickets for a sporting event of my partners favourite team. Both on the same date. The party starts in the morning and the game starts tea time. I want to keep both parties happy so I have compromised and suggested to turn up to the party earlier than the start time but to leave earlier than the finish time. My family have not said don’t go to the sporting event but deep down I think that they don’t want to me to leave the party early. My partner really wants me to go to the sporting event so I am trying to keep everyone happy. Is my compromise not enough?

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 27/04/2025 20:40

There are few things in life as pointless as a birthday party for a 1yo. Go to the sporting event.

TammyJones · 27/04/2025 20:41

I think your plan is perfect.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 27/04/2025 20:42

I think your plan is perfect too. And I also agree 1st birthday parties are pointless!

Springadorable · 27/04/2025 20:43

How long is this 1st party?! Definitely go to the sporting event.

Original poster
Millie0917 · 27/04/2025 20:53

The party is 11-3 but the sporting event starts at 5.15. The reason why we have to leave early is because the sporting event is 2 1/2 hours away. I suggested to help with setting up the party around 10 and stay until 1.30 ish.

OP posts:
Sparsely · 27/04/2025 20:53

good plan…overspend on the gift too…and only arrive early if it’s to help with prep..

Needmoresleep89 · 27/04/2025 20:55

4 hours for a 1st birthday party, or any child’s party, is nuts anyway

toomuchfaff · 27/04/2025 20:57

My family have not said don’t go to the sporting event but deep down I think that they don’t want to me to leave the party early.

That's the problem when people don't voice their "deep down", its unsaid and can't be addressed. It's a 1st birthday. Unless you never see the family, it's hardly a make or break.

Go to the sporting event.

UpUpUpU · 27/04/2025 21:03

4 hours for a 1 year olds party!

Show up at 11, hand over a present, cuppa and then leave and enjoy your sporting event.

stichguru · 27/04/2025 21:04

A four hour birthday party, for a one year old, in the middle of the day?? That's nuts! My son's 12 and I think the only birthday party we had that was more than 3 hours was 5 hours when we were driving to a splash pool 30 mins away, having an hour's swim with changing either side, driving about 20 mins back towards home, to a pizza place and having a restaurant meal, then driving the kids home! For a one year old at home, an hour to 2 hours tops would be fine.

Seawolves · 27/04/2025 21:06

Your plan sounds more than reasonable, 4 hours for a child's 1st birthday party seems rather...ambitious.

feelingbleh · 27/04/2025 21:07

Go at 11 give a gift have a drink and a cuddle with the birthday girl and out the door in time for the sporting event. I wouldn't feel even the slightest bit guilty about it. It's not like your not going. Staying 4hrs for a first birthday is crazy how much of that will the baby even be awake

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 27/04/2025 21:10

The only thing I might be irritated by if I was the parent of the birthday child would be your suggestion to come early. They'll probably be busy then setting stuff up and your niece might be sleeping. I'd encourage you to leave early to go to the sporting event though!

Go to the party from 11-1, take a fab present and some bubbly or similar for the hosts (because it's really a celebration for them isn't it), get stuck in and have fun and then leave and enjoy the sporting event

Springadorable · 27/04/2025 21:12

That one year old is going to be crannnnnky! Def just stay for an hour or so then head off.

Original poster
Millie0917 · 27/04/2025 21:12

Not sure how that day will go and also do not know if guests will all turn up at 11. My family want me to be there for the cake and happy birthday but this is not planned until later. I do not want to feel guilty for all of this.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/04/2025 21:12

Leave the birthday party early but don’t arrive early. The Mum of a 1 yo won’t want you to arrive before a start time of 11 am as they’ll probably be getting ready/ have timed it so she’s napping at that time just before the start, or similar.

Seawolves · 27/04/2025 21:14

The birthday boy/girl is not going to look back in 10 years time and remember who was/wasn't for the singing and the cutting of the cake.

caringcarer · 27/04/2025 21:17

The birthday child won't even remember you leaving early. It's so obviously a PFB DC the parents are way over the top with the birthday celebrations 4-5 hours is ridiculous. 1 1/2 hours much better. Take birthday DC a balloon and gift and they will be happy. Leave in plenty of time to get to sporting event because roads can get busy.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 27/04/2025 21:19

Millie0917 · 27/04/2025 21:12

Not sure how that day will go and also do not know if guests will all turn up at 11. My family want me to be there for the cake and happy birthday but this is not planned until later. I do not want to feel guilty for all of this.

Then they need to do it earlier if they want you to be there for it! They know what time you're leaving, you haven't sprung it on them.

Ridiculous amount of fuss, IMO and not really for the child, either!

TickTockPolly · 27/04/2025 21:22

You don’t need to ‘suggest an option’ you just let your family know when you’re available.

‘Looking forward to little niece’s first birthday! I have tickets to watch tiddlywinks in the evening so I’ll need to leave around 1pm. Would you like me to arrive earlier to help with prep?’

Original poster
Millie0917 · 27/04/2025 21:26

@TickTockPolly thats why I have suggested arriving early and have also offered to help with the party prep. They will have both of their children to watch as well as do food, decorations etc. Plus gives me and my family a chance to see my niece before all of the guests arrive.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 27/04/2025 21:26

In reception one of DS' classmates had a 3 hour hall party, after 2 hours people started leaving, partly because there's only so much an adult can take in a hall with two bouncy castles (and the huge fans that inflate them) and party music, the other was that people assumed it was two hours and has only read the start time on the invitation. Games and cake has been done and at that point the children were just getting more and more amped up. You'll find others will leave before the end. Your compromise is more than reasonable

TickTockPolly · 30/04/2025 07:10

Millie0917 · 27/04/2025 21:26

@TickTockPolly thats why I have suggested arriving early and have also offered to help with the party prep. They will have both of their children to watch as well as do food, decorations etc. Plus gives me and my family a chance to see my niece before all of the guests arrive.

Stop ‘suggesting’ as that implies it’s an option. TELL them what you’re doing. You can do that politely (see what I wrote above) but you need to be clear. Presumably you’re an adult so you have free will and can choose how to spend the day. Dividing your time like that is more than reasonable.

WaltzingWaters · 30/04/2025 07:14

JandamiHash · 27/04/2025 20:40

There are few things in life as pointless as a birthday party for a 1yo. Go to the sporting event.

Agreed. And I say this with young children.

Turn up to the party for an hour or so, then head off. Absolutely fine. DNiece isn’t going to remember, and will probably be napping by the time you leave!

Dozer · 30/04/2025 07:24

IMO many people would much prefer to go to the sports event.

If the sports event invitation came after you’d accepted your sibling’s invitation and your sibling’s event for your DN is actually more of a family get together that in your family would usually continue to the evening, then you’re being a bit rude. More so if you have a good relationship with but don’t see much of some of the family who will be attending.

But many would do as you’re doing and it’s not a big deal.