To ask younger siblings how I can do a better job for ds2?

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DS2 (currently revising for GCSEs) got very upset earlier this week as a result of feeling he can't live up to the expectations set by ds1, who got all grade 9s, is head boy, now has an Oxbridge offer etc etc. Ds2 didn't say I was to blame for his feelings and I have always been ultra-careful not to compare them. He mentioned teachers and ex's side of the family, but, to be honest, I do think a lot of it just stems from how he feels himself rather than from specific comments that have been made by anyone.

He's a great kid in his own right without a doubt. But when he got upset, one comment he made was that he 'only has school work and I'm not even that good at that.' It's true, he has no hobbies - used to go to a few clubs at primary age but got more and more reluctant to go and then Covid gave the perfect opportunity to drop them. He does no sport or anything. Free time is spent socialising (but that has peaks and troughs - seems to have quite a tricky friendship group with a fair few fall-outs and he seems to get swept along), listening to music, playing games online. He doesn't go out a lot. So it's difficult to argue when he says he hasn't really got anything he's good at out of school, though obviously I spoke of his qualities, but they aren't skills as such.

As far as school goes, he's predicted 7+ for most subjects and got mainly 7s in his mocks with a couple of 8s. I have told him how great these grades are but, of course, next to ds's they don't seem that great. I have told him ds1 is incredibly driven and he is less so, and that's absolutely fine, but I don't know if that's the right thing to say or whether it sounds like a criticism, even though I definitely didn't mean it as one. I do think they are similar in terms of ability but ds1 has always been so competitive which hasn't always been easy to deal with.

I'm dreading results day. If ds doesn't get his predictions he'll feel even worse and ds1 is in Y13, so even more of a comparison will be made. I feel like I've let him down by not pushing hobbies and doing more to get him out and about, but as a single parent with a full-on job, it just didn't happen.

How badly have I let him down?

You haven't let him down; you've obviously done all you can to avoid comparisons, and hobbies grinding to a halt during covid is one of those things. Lots of people (adults and children) didn't return to things they were doing before covid, and I think it's harder to start something new, or return to something after a gap.

It's very difficult to avoid "unspoken" comparison. However a bunch of 7/8s will be enough for anything he wants to do. In my own family, the one with the weakest GCSEs has the most prestigious job now.

Perhaps suggest that he could use the time after GCSEs to go and try out some hobbies. Have a look around what's available in your area - you might have to act smartly for anything that stops over the summer. There's plenty of time to find his niche - perhaps something a little different (korfball? rowing? bellringing? martial arts? cycling?) where an adult beginner might be welcome. If not now, perhaps at uni - some people pick up something completely new then. One of DD's friends has abandoned her previous hobbies and gone all in on a new one at uni.

I notice you said that DS1 is “ driven”. That would suggest that his grades were not because of some innate special cleverness, but because of his hard work and determination. This is the positive part of a competitive person- they put in a huge amount of effort in order to win.
Im guessing DS2+is not as driven, and not working as hard, which is his choice, but maybe it needs to be spelled out that it is a choice, that if he is sitting in room playing games rather than focusing on his studying, then yes, that is going to affect his grades. Grade 9s don’t happen by good luck on the day, whereas 7s may well do, for a reasonably able student.
It is hard being the younger sibling of a very successful firstborn, and whilst we all know that comparisons are odious, I suspect the only way forward is for DS2 to find some different interests, maybe ones he does for fun rather than to be super good at them.
What does he want to do? Is he interested in art, travel, something else? Is there a possibility that he could go to a different school or college after these exams , where he can forge a more separate identity? Is he likely to consider an apprenticeship?
I guess all you can do really is make him aware of his choices, help him to feel more in control, and keep helping with opportunities. It might be worth insisting he does some physical exercise- maybe martial arts or a gym membership?
It’s very hard watching this, I know, but at this age you are quite limited in what you can do.

It is no bad thing to attribute DS1 success to his driver/hard work.

Its not all about grades and hobbies. There are lots of valuable skills and attributes that lead to success. Praise DS2 for hard work, if you want to boost his sense of his own self worth, point out his other attributes - is he creative, a good communicator, entrepeneurial, a great team player, empathetic? Lots of very academic types aren't necessarily the most successful in the workplace or in adult life as soft skills become increasingly important.