Is he lying to me?

[Icygreenraven]

In a nutshell me and DH have had trust issues that stem from him deleting messages from a woman he works with 2ish years ago. I didnt think they were 100% innocent on his part (managed to restore some but not all, things like i miss u and him getting annoyed when she didnt reply quickly.100s a day). He refused to do councelling so i did and we used some advice to put boundaries in around being open, sharing online activity if needed to build trust back. Things were going well and i was starting to trust him more, rarely feeling the need to question. Said im ok if he texts her just dont delete things as it looks dodgy.

Yesterday i nipped into the bedroom unxpectedly and he looked suspicious on his phone. Had a wasapp up about a planned trip (strange timing), i asked what he was doing and he started to shake (acted this way before when texting woman). Asked to look at his phone (as agreed he would be open when needed), he handed it over. I backed up and saw something was achived. clicked it and it all happened so quickly but i didnt see who message was from but there were three big texts bottom line said i will miss you next week (we are on leave). He jumped up and tried to wrestle the phone from me when he saw i had gone out of the trip message . I held on harder and he put all his weight on me to drag me to the floor until i let it go. He took it away.

I tried to be calm (thats why i let go of the phone to stop it escalating). Asked later what it was and to show me and he had deleted it. Said it was an old screen shot from the woman before that popped up on his timeline and he was woŕried i would get upset. Strange how it would be in line with time off next week.

I definately dont think it was what he said but it happened so quickly im doubting myself?Can't restore it as he deleted it from recycle bin.

Any thoughts appreciated.

Android
Settings- notifications- advanced settings- notification history
If not turned on, turn on and will save future messages even if the sender deletes before you can read it

OP, same exact thing happened with my ex. Including the wrangling and physicality of getting the phone back. Yes, he was cheating, no you don't need more evidence. Don't bother reporting to the police, they won't do anything. Divorce him. Seriously, any man who reacts SO strongly and so out of character (unless he's violent in general) has a fuckton to lose, like his marriage, house and kids. Trust your gut, stop digging, get him out of your life

None of it makes sense, his explanation as to why he physically wrestled you to the floor to get his phone- how did he know you were looking at something he didn't want you to see if it randomly came up on his timeline - what timeline? WhatsApp doesn't have a timeline does it?

Regardless, he justified assaulting you for the sake of a screenshot, please don't accept this.

He’s actions have proved that it is not just a friendship.

I don't think it actually matters whether it is "in your head" or not. This is not how a healthy relationship operates, and I mean that on both sides of this. You shouldn't need to monitor his phones activity, be searching through his messages, or restoring deleted messages. He shouldn't be giving you any cause to do those things, or having anything that needs hiding anyway. This is going nowhere, and he doesn't want it to. Why would you?

It really doesn’t matter of the message was old or new.

The trust has gone and he physically assaulted you to prevent having an open and honest conversation with you.

I hope you’re ok and safe?

He wrestled the phone off you FFS! What else do you need to know? Jesus.

Of course he’s lying. Leave. It won’t get better

It all makes sense to me. He’s messaging a woman he’s shagging behind OP’s back. Next week he’s on annual leave and the woman he is shagging is going to miss seeing him at work according to the message she did catch a glimpse of. OP caught him texting her and he psychically wrestled the phone from her hands to prevent her seeing the messages.

Now she’s asking the internet for thoughts.

Thoughts are ‘You are being cheated on, leave him’.

Tell him to go and shove the wonderful other woman to the floor next time but not before he's packed his bags. Do you really want to live with a cheating man who physically hurts you OP? He's cheating, he's lying, he's abusive and he isn't going to stop. Seeing the messages won't make any difference.

Well obviously when you put it like that 😂

You don’t need to see the phone. He’s a liar and untrustworthy.

Definitely lying. Go on holiday alone.

This seems like a horrible relationship, untrusting, trust broken from previous issues, you are paranoid but probbaly justified, looking at each others phones, he is wrestling you to the floor, physical assault, therapy.. surely you want a life without all this drama it sounds awful.

You know he dragged you to the ground to take his phone! He put hands on you!! What else do you need to know??

He has no respect for you or your marriage. He’s cheating and because he got away with it before and you stayed he thinks he can keep doing it. He’s got a wife, kids, home and a bit on the side, great from his perspective. If that’s the type of guy he is, why would he change if a few words to you and clearly assaulting you doesn’t cross the line.
It’s up to you whether leave him or let him know it’ll always be ok to treat you like this by staying.
If it was me I’d be off on holiday with the kids and tell him he’s got that time to find a place to stay and move out.

I don't think the content of the messages is the real issue - basically the trust has already gone in your relationship. This is no way to live - wondering who he is talking to and messaging; even if you find out from one device he could have another. I think you really need to step back and see if you want to live this life where you are constantly worrying about whether he cheating or not, I'm sure you could do so much better for yourself.

He wrestled you to the floor to stop you looking at his messages. He could have really hurt you. You should start making plans to separate. You can't trust him and his behaviour is appalling.

He assaulted you!

I would consider reporting his assault of you.
This is domestic violence.
I believe you can get legal aid if you report domestic violence.
This might help you move forward quicker.

This relationship is over.