Would you also find this frustrating.

[Lifeisinteresting]

I run my own business, and can often work 50-60 hours a week, husband is a creative and works 20-25 hours a week, we have a cleaner in twice a week and in my view my husband should be picking up the slack, but he thinks I need to help more around the house.

Need more info.

Do you HAVE to work 50-60 hours a week? What are you doing during those hours?

What is he does during his hours? Is he employed or self employed?

@Agix I have to work those hours, I run a marketing agency. He is a photographer who works from a home studio.

Do you earn equal wages?

Yanbu

Obvs he should do more.

Your combined hours are 85, you do 70%, he does 30%

So he should do 70% of the house, you 30%

Approx, CBA to do specific amount

Yes, I’d be annoyed. He’s doing a part time (hobby) job whilst you’re full time. What is expecting you to do?

I'd never thought to work it out this way! 😃👏

Do you contribute more to the household income financially or is it 50/50?
if you working long hours is financially enabling him to work less hours then yes he should pick up a bit more of the housework but if you contribute equal amounts to the household budget then you should do equal amounts of work.

Oh well, he can look after the baby he wants you to have........

You pay the cleaner to do your share.

I agree with you mostly but being a photographer is a real job, not a hobby job!

Well how much do you each contribute? If he can pay his 50% on part-time hours 🤷‍♀️ then why wouldn't the house jobs still be 50 50?

Do you contribute financially according to your wages or 50:50?

@slamdunk66 he earns about 20% of what I do.

I work full time while DH is currently unemployed and looking for work. He does all dinners, majority of pick ups and drops offs and the vast majority of cleaning. When we both worked we shared 50/50. When he starts working again I expect it to go back to that and then we can afford to have a cleaner again as well as we used to. When I was unemployed for a year I did most things at home. It should go without saying - if you have more time on your hands you pitch in more at home.

This is not an ethical way to look at things. Not all jobs pay the same and people are not always responsible for exactly how their careers and life choices pan out. IMO it should only be about the hours - not the income. If you have more time you do more at home - unless you make so much more than your partner even on reduced hours that you can choose to say actually I’d rather work just 20 hours a week and pay for a cleaner so I can have more spare time! Saying tough luck, I only have to work 20 hours to make what you do in 50, so you should work twice as much as me and still do half the housework is just not a loving marriage is it.

Can you afford the cleaner? I detest cleaning. I don't blame anyone for wanting one.

@Didimum yes. I actually find cleaning therapeutic but too much going on with work.

So you believe in subsidised equality?

That working for more should mean more work?

And to follow up, you probably have more than someone else, so unless you're prepared to donate your salary to help someone else have a better life, why would.you expect that in a boyfriend or girlfriend? At.what point does someone you're dating become someone you subsidise or clean for? When you move in? Have kids? How does it apply to childless couples?

yup you summed it up. I believe in subsidized equality. Especially if the person you subsidize is your most significant other whom you presumably love. Why would I want to see my partner kill themselves working twice as hard as I do just because they’re in a less highly paid profession?

Hate to break it to you but any society which has any level of tax and social benefits is doing this. In the UK of course significantly less than some other countries. Seeing your partner as a stranger whom you don’t give a shit about has got to be the pinnacle of capitalist mindset. I’m not talking about subsidized someone not working - but subsidizing someone who works MORE than you yet gets paid LESS

Because they chose a profession that means 50 hours a week, plus their 50% of the chores.

At what point did OPs partner agree to do extra work, or is that just assumed that he would be happy to?

Loads of people work similar jobs and don't have an unpaid live in helper. They manage because they are single and have to.

Having a cleaner twice a week is so much more than most people have/can afford. How much more can there possibly be to argue over if you already have two cleans a week? IMO the person who's at home (excluding WFH) the most should do more round the house. You should aim to both have similar amounts of leisure time.

Ah got it the wrong way around. I thought you meant that it was wrong for a person who works LESS hours than their partner yet earns MORE to be asked to do more than 50 pct of the housework.

look - you’re two people in a household. If one works 50 hours and one only 20, and the household chores are, say, 30 hours total, and they’re divided equally, then one partner works 65 hours and one 35 hours. Assuming they share their joint income between them equally, then that’s not fair to the person working 65 hours. Is it?