Unhealthy nursery friendship

[amidsummernightsdream]

It was dds 4th birthday party yesterday, it was a hectic but great day and dd loved it.

It was a church hall party with 25 of dds nursery friends, including dds ‘best friend’

After the party my sister asked who the girl in the yellow dress was. I said it was 'Edie' her best friend. My sister and another relative who was there, told me that Edie was being mean to dd saying ‘ i dont like you and you’re not coming to my party’

She was also pushing dds hand when she was holding hands with another girl and when dd went up to an activity, told dd she wasnt allowed to do it and she should go away and just generally being bossy and mean with her.

Dd was on such a high from the party afterwards but while we were opening presents, dd did stop on a couple of occasions to say ‘Edie was mean to me, she was bossing me.’

I know this is what kids can be like but my main concern is this is part of a longer term pattern of behaviour.

The background is ive had a feeling the friendship is off and is not great for my dd for a while.

When I ask about who she has played with at nursery, dd has gone from mentioning a group of names each day to just Edie’s.

She often says Edie ‘doesn’t like my plans, we have to do Edie’s plans’ and generally saying that she isnt allowed to play with other people. Of course I tell her she is and its not up to Edie to tell her what she can do.

Ive also seen them on the park together and Edie was quite mean to her then but I brushed it off as a one off thing.

However, my gut has been that Edie is quite controlling of dd and its not a healthy friendship dynamic. I’m concerned that this close overbearing relationship isnt allowing her to develop other more beneficial relationships.

Both girls are quite mature, especially in their conversation and I think the relationship is more intense than would be expected at this age to the exclusion of others.

And more importantly im just concerned someone is being mean to her all day!!

Am I being unreasonable to be concerned about this?

How is best to deal with it with dd?

Would I be unreasonable to mention it to nursery?

Mention it to your child’s keyworker, I work in early years and have had to help sort some friendship dynamics like this.

some children just get quite overpowering at times and want one friend to play with but they can get quite mean if things don’t go their way.

in this situation we would encourage your child to involve more children in their play and not just focus on Edie. We would initiate group games involving both girls and a few added ones to try and encourage your child to widen their friendship circle and to remind Edie to be kinder with her words.

@2chocolateoranges thank you, that is good to know. I didnt know if i was being ott mentioning it to nursery but they havent picked up on it (as far as i know) and i would like them to encourage other friendships in the way you have outlined here

Yes definitely make them aware at school. If this is a school nursery you can request they are in different classes next year. Also encourage your dd to say no thank you and move away if she is being mean and to play with other kids

We had this and it’s carried on through primary school; I’ve always spoken to nursery and teachers about it (framed in a way of saying I’m not sure the friendship is equal rather than critical towards the other child) and staff have normally already picked up on this. They can do things to encourage other friendships and while you can’t stop them being friends it’s good to encourage a wider group of friends

Id invite other kids she used to get on with round to play. She'll soon see how she's missed out on time with them. You could also have a gentle word with nursery and say they aren't as friendly as they used to be, could they perhaps steer your daughter towards some other kids. If she's done this with your child she'll have done it with others too.

It was 3 months ago now.

How did it go?

No idea