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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New Partner Is He Controlling?

23 replies

CheekyPombear · 27/04/2025 01:02

I left my abusive marriage last year. i now live in a small two bed new build semi I dont have a car I cant drive and I work part time as a pharmacist.

I met a man who is 58 online i am 41 this autumn.
He lives in a nice part of surrey own house car. He has never been married and he doesnt have children.
I have one child 3 who is sen.
He is a actor and when between jobs just does nothing apart from eat out twice a day at a local restaurant.
He does a lot of theatre work and hasnt done much tv work for a few years.
His sister is married with three children all grown up older than him.
He lost his dad a year ago his mum lives with his sister and her hubby they own a large wedding venue and live on site in devon.
He has a posh accent and has told me because i live in manchester if i want to be with him i will have to move near him.
No way would i live down south im a true northern girl and my dad and brother live 15 minute walk from me. I couldnt afford a property that costs over 600k like he has.
I have great neighbours too.
I feel like he looks down his nose at me.
He stayed at mine last week over the easter weekend and asked if there was a waitrose i said no tesco and aldi he laughed.
We have only made love once last week.
He is quite overweight. Says he likes younger petite brunettes which i am.
Is he worth it?.

OP posts:
S0j0urn4r · 27/04/2025 01:05

God no. He sounds like hell.

VoltaireMittyDream · 27/04/2025 01:08

Of course not, don’t be ridiculous. Why all the backstory about his family and where they live?

ETA - of course he’s not worth it. Not of course he’s not controlling. (Though frankly he sounds more indifferent than controlling)

Caerulea · 27/04/2025 01:09

I feel like I need to cleanse just from reading that, OP. A nice, brisk, bleach wash.

No man is worth that. Not a one.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 27/04/2025 01:10

He sounds like a total knob (though not controlling), the pair of you are mismatched, your sex life is already dwindling and 17 years is far too big an age gap for more than a short fling.

Move on

WaryHiker · 27/04/2025 01:12

Although he sounds so repulsive that I wouldn't want him flinging his shirt anywhere near me 🙂

Edited to add that you had fixed your typo by the time I posted! So, my not very good joke didn't work!

BlondiePortz · 27/04/2025 01:12

Why would you do this to your child?

Runningoutofpatiencefucksandmoney · 27/04/2025 01:13

Christ no - fuck him off to the far side of fuck

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/04/2025 01:16

A hard no...

Doesn't sound controlling, but a knob!

CheekyPombear · 27/04/2025 01:22

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 27/04/2025 01:10

He sounds like a total knob (though not controlling), the pair of you are mismatched, your sex life is already dwindling and 17 years is far too big an age gap for more than a short fling.

Move on

Edited

He is 59 before xmas so its 18 year age gap.

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 27/04/2025 01:24

Run like the wind.

cordeliavorkosigan · 27/04/2025 01:25

Run for the hills. That way. Just to the west. Big hills. Run...

thebluerose · 27/04/2025 01:30

Yes, of course. He is the last man on earth and so worth it. What do you think?

He sounds awful and was rude to you. Why bother.

ThatLimeCat · 27/04/2025 01:58

I feel uncomfortable just reading this. If you think you can't do better than him you are wrong.

WinterMorn · 27/04/2025 02:00

In the unlikely event this is true, you would be mad to entertain this for even a minute longer. Dump him.

pikkumyy77 · 27/04/2025 02:06

Is this a joke? Why would you even start with this man? He sounds tedious and repulsive.

PinkyFlamingo · 27/04/2025 02:08

Why are you with him?

CalicoPusscat · 27/04/2025 02:09

That was confusing to read - ok there are some fundamental differences, your child is your priority and you don't want to move.

It doesn't look like it will work out.

Kitkatcatflap · 27/04/2025 02:18

Are you familiar with the term hospice wife?

SallyDraperGetInHere · 27/04/2025 02:20

Not sure I voted the right way - which was YANBU?! Controlling, I don’t know - sanctimonious prig, yes.

SapporoBaby · 27/04/2025 02:28

No he’s not worth it.

He thinks he’s the prize rather than you. He will destroy your self confidence.

Maitri108 · 27/04/2025 02:30

Why do you want a relationship with someone nearly 20 years older who looks down on you?

Have you done any work on yourself since your abusive relationship?

Your boyfriend should be kind, considerate and think you're the bees knees. He should be a good friend and want what's best for you. Don't settle for less.

Guavafish1 · 27/04/2025 02:32

Too old for you

1SillySossij · 27/04/2025 02:34

He looks down on you for sure, but why do you think he is controlling?

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