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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel upset & hurt by this comment?

33 replies

colourblockss · 26/04/2025 22:23

me & a family member were messaging back and forth she’s pregnant with her 3rd child and i don’t want anymore kids (i have 1) she was discussing her pregnancy and in response i mentioned that i didn’t want anymore children and her response was “well i guess i was just made to be a mum and i love being a mum”
ive gone to bed feeling so hurt by her saying this because when someone says they don’t want anymore kids is that the right thing to respond? it’s like she was insinuating that i can’t love being a mum because i don’t want anymore kids.. It felt like a back handed dig. whether she meant it the way ive taken it i don’t know but read the room sometimes you know? like your not a better parent than me because you want loads of children and i don’t. We can all have different journeys and all equally enjoy being a parent wether we have 1 child or 5

OP posts:

ClowningArounds · 27/04/2025 07:56

nomas · 26/04/2025 23:41

she was discussing her pregnancy and in response i mentioned that i didn’t want anymore children and her response was “well i guess i was just made to be a mum and i love being a mum”
ive gone to bed feeling so hurt by her saying this because when someone says they don’t want anymore kids is that the right thing to respond?

Why is it ok for you to say you don’t want more kids but her saying she loves being a mum is not ok?

You seem to be applying a double standard here.

I agree with the poster, she probably felt judged by you. How can you be close to someone who you think makes loaded remarks to you? Why not hang out with people who make you feel
good?

Because those two things are not the same. Replying to "I don't want more kids" with "well I'm just made to be a Mum and love being a mum" is a non sequiter, UNLESS it is meant to imply that someone with only one kid is NOT made to be a Mum and doesn't love it.
Which is something commonly attributed to people with only one child (but is nonsense based on the parents of onlies I know).

Original poster

colourblockss · 27/04/2025 08:02

TulaOfDarkWater · 26/04/2025 23:39

she was discussing her pregnancy and in response i mentioned that i didn’t want anymore children

Well to be honest if she was discussing her pregnancy, I don’t know why you responded to that by saying you didn’t want anymore children! To me that absolutely sounds like you’re having a dig at her / criticising her for having a third and she bit back.

You say she’s always making comments like that but I wonder if you’re also making comments that come across the wrong way and just don’t realise it.

that wasn’t the context though, she mentioned her partner was going to have the snip after her child was born and i said in response that i don’t want anymore children. it really wasn’t a dig at her at all. i love her very much and respect her. maybe i’m being sensitive though

OP posts:

nomas · 27/04/2025 08:03

ClowningArounds · 27/04/2025 07:56

Show quote history

OP replying ‘I don’t want more’ kids to a woman talking about her third baby was the non sequitur. The cousin was just giving as good as she gets with her own comment loving being a mum.

The cousin didn’t ask OP if she wanted more kids.

SwanOfThoseThings · 27/04/2025 08:04

I think it's a meaningless comment. You are a 'mum' whether you have one child or ten children, you are no more 'made to be a mum' by having multiple children; similarly you can love being a mum to one child or to multiple children.

Original poster

colourblockss · 27/04/2025 08:05

Gustavo77 · 26/04/2025 23:35

She's not wrong though. You just have to read these boards and the number of people who only have one child because they don't want another and completely disregard the needs of their child as they go through the rest of their lives without a sibling is sickening.

Some people can't have more children which is completely different but those who can and don't because they don't want another is the height of selfishness and they are beneath contempt.

i’m not selfish at all because i don’t want anymore kids. there’s loads of reasons why i don’t want anymore. i’ve had 6 losses before and after my child was born so i got to the point where i couldnt do it anymore. i also had a bad birth and nearly died so thats also a factor to my decision. I love being a mum just because i dont want a football team of kids doesnt make me any less of being a good mum.

OP posts:

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 27/04/2025 08:07

Really over sensitive if this is a one off.

You'd also need to describe the other remarks she's made before anyone else on here can judge.

HeyCooper · 27/04/2025 12:42

Just respond with ‘ditto here’

Elektra1 · 27/04/2025 18:15

Either you’re over-sensitive or the two of you have an oddly competitive relationship. In either case, I’d cool the “friendship” and focus on your own life. No one needs to justify their choice to have 1 child, more than 1 child, or no children. It’s a very personal decision and there is no “correct” or “better” answer. Defining yourself by your role as a mother is absurd in any event. Any person is way more than their role as a parent in life. I find people who are obsessed with their children and bang on about how amazing they are and what a close bond they have to be insecure and a bit sad tbh. And I have 3 children, all of whom I love very much.

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