Marriage

[Kirstem89]

Hi
so might seem abit petty to some but here I go.
My partner left his ex after just getting engaged he waited 5years to ask her then 6 months later called it off when he met me said how he never wanted to marry her and felt pressed to do so.
Meets me and talks about marriage form day 1 and like always says how he can’t wait ect. I jokingly said at the start ‘well as long as you don’t make me wait as long at your ex’ just over 5 years later and he finally asks after me hinting for 2 years and me telling myself it’s just not going to happen I was actually shocked when he did ask.
1.5 years later 2 of his brothers have got engaged and married in that time. Now I just feel like what’s the point. I do feel let down and so annoyed that he made me wait over 5 years to ask then another 18 months and no date set or any serious planning if he’s not serious why ask. We’re not getting any younger. Im also so annoyed that his ex and him would have been married at this point and I just feel shit and less important to him that he managed to get to the planning stage and ask her to marry him quicker than he did with me. Of I’m so special and he loves me so much why the heck hasn’t it happened yet?? I do love him but should I just write off marriage?

How old are you both? Any children? If you want to be married, ask him and then start planning the wedding. Don’t sit around waiting for him to ask.

and if he faffs about or says “maybe I’ll propose next year”, then leave him. Don’t waste your time on a man who doesn’t really want you.

If he wanted to marry you he would have married you.

He doesn't seem keen to get married.
Do you have children/do you want children?
Time to start thinking about what your want in life, not just following to his timetable.

Just have a grownup conversation and take it from there. It’s not 1950.

If I’m being blunt I’d be out of that relationship. This guy has a pattern, kinda sounds like something called future faking 🚩🚩🚩

Plus leaving his fiancé for you 😬

It’s odd to spend five years with someone and just as you’re about to marry, drop them and jump into a new relationship.

Big red flags here

He's not a golfer called Rory is he?

Other red flags

Instead of saying he had cold feet, he blamed ex (in a very manipulative way)

Doesn’t do what he says

I don’t really understand the point of getting engaged if you don’t have an actual plan to get married.

I also don’t understand adults living together in an adult relationship not being able to have these conversations.

’Steve - we need to set a date for the wedding and get a budget sorted out - do you think May sounds nice?’

He was very intense about marriage specifically. Did you mention it was important to you?

Look into narcissist personality disorder, if you recognise anything I hope I just saved you years of 💩

So you've been engaged for a year and a half and you've not had a conversation about setting a date and planning your wedding? What are you waiting for? Have the conversation!