Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how many people would feel comfortable asking newborn visitors to put a wash on?

47 replies

NW3Lady · 26/04/2025 20:56

I’ve come across this advice for the fourth trimester more than once now. If people want to come see your newborn, you should get them to do something useful rather than letting them expect you to wait on them and serve them tea, e.g. get them to put a wash on.

Other than close family, I honestly wouldn’t feel comfortable asking visitors to do my laundry. Am I being silly here?

OP posts:
AlwaysGotAnOpinion · 26/04/2025 22:00

Two of my SILs got their washing taken home and done by parents during the fourth trimester to help their load (I struggled on with my usual chores despite having a broken vagina and recovering from surgery, not bitter 🤣) but no way would I want friends or anyone except my mum doing my laundry… I’d rather they sat and cuddled the baby while I sorted out my own washing for a break 😂

NotSmallButFunSize · 26/04/2025 22:01

My friend cleaned my bathroom after I had DS - was sooo grateful!!

wizzywig · 26/04/2025 22:03

Missedthis · 26/04/2025 21:15

Nope. Visitor snuggles the baby and you do things you can’t do whilst holding a baby.

Bonus points if they turn up with food.

Don't you know the MN rule: noone touches the baby until they are 1yr old apart from the mother.

JMSA · 26/04/2025 22:03

No way would I have asked this. They’re friends and family, not the domestic help! And they’ve come to enjoy your newborn baby.
Anyone who would ask this is simply not one of life’s copers.

JoyousEagle · 26/04/2025 22:04

I don’t think people really ask this of visitors. But if someone did ask me, I’d be happy to do it.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/04/2025 22:06

I would have felt comfortable asking my mum, my MiL, and my BFF for help if I was getting so behind with housework that I couldn't 'see daylight'.

But to ask them (or anyone) to do a domestic chore if I was capable of doing just because they were visiting my new baby? No. And I'd feel odd with someone asking me "Do you want me to run a load/mop your floor for you?" under those circumstances.

nightmarepickle2025 · 26/04/2025 22:10

That’s a weird Mumsnet thing mostly given re: mother in laws who have dared to ask to hold the baby, when they should know their only possible justification for being allowed over the threshold in the first year of the baby’s life is to clean/ wash/ cook but ideally not talk or breathe.

HauntedBungalow · 26/04/2025 22:10

Ime newborns are not very good at doing the washing.

FuzzyWuzzyWuzABear · 26/04/2025 22:16

God no, I'd never ask anyone to put a wash on. If I couldn't do it for whatever reason, obviously my DH would do it.

But according to some on MN, people are supposed to be dropping homemade lasagnes and shepherds pies to the doorstep, without expecting to even glance at the baby.

God only knows what the husbands are supposed to be doing if visitors are to be turned into butlers, maids and personal shoppers.

mindutopia · 26/04/2025 22:19

Washing clothes, no. I don’t even like dh washing my clothes and I don’t do his.

Bringing lunch or cake and serving it, yes. Loading dishwasher (though I don’t like when people do it wrong 😂) or washing up, yes. Taking the baby and going on a walk with Dh for an hour or two between feeds while I sleep, great. I probably wouldn’t say no if someone offered to hoover.

steff13 · 26/04/2025 22:22

HauntedBungalow · 26/04/2025 22:10

Ime newborns are not very good at doing the washing.

This was my first thought when I read the title. 😂

I never asked anyone to do any chores when they came over, but I always do something when I visit someone with a newborn. I certainly don't expect a new mother to make me tea or wait on me.

Tbrh · 26/04/2025 22:27

PlantDoctor · 26/04/2025 20:57

I would never ask this. I would offer to help someone if visiting though

This. But also I wouldn't mind if I was asked. I actually think it's sad that (Western) women don't help each other out more during this time.

Endofyear · 26/04/2025 22:31

I'd ask my mum or MIL but probably not other visitors. I'd be very happy if they turned up with a home cooked meal though!

Seventree · 26/04/2025 22:39

My auntie and uncle offered to take a couple of loads of washing when I had my first and it was hugely appreciated because it built up so fast... he was a really sicky baby and we had no drier at the time. My mum insisted on doing any jobs she could when she visited, my cousins dropped of meals, and my dsis and bil really pitched in to make our lives easier too.

They all insisted they wanted to though and I would have felt uncomfortable asking anyone to help (to be fair, my DH did most of the house work when our children were small because I was breastfeeding so we didn't need the help anyway. My close family just really like to be useful).

Actually, I don't think any member of my family or our friends visited without offering to bring stuff or help with anything we needed. We definitely turned down more help than we accepted. My in-laws did nothing except monopolise the baby though so I think it depends on family dynamics!

CurbsideProphet · 26/04/2025 22:43

My sister hoovered and changed our bed several times in the early days. I wasn't very well with severe anemia, recovering from C-section, learning to breastfeed, no sleep. DH and I had a difficult path to parenthood and we were both a bit shell shocked for the first month. We were really grateful for her doing so in a very matter of fact way, telling us to "save your energy for the sleep deprivation and breastfeeding".

HugelyExpensiveCrystalDuck · 26/04/2025 23:17

When I lived in Australia one of my friends had a baby and one of the other friends organised a fortnight of meals for the family after the baby was born. It just seems to be the norm as there was very little discussion about it. You had to take your meal on the day you chose and you had to take the dish of the meal from the night before away with you and get it back to the person who it belonged to!

jolies1 · 26/04/2025 23:27

My dad definitely hung up a few loads of washing and did some ironing… he still does when he comes to visit and DS is 1! 😂 (he does stay the week though!)

Hadalifeonce · 26/04/2025 23:31

I had visitors who put washing on, vacuumed and cooked meals; I was truly grateful.

Littlemisscapable · 26/04/2025 23:36

Yeah social media is full of this stuff about villages etc. No.way would my friends have been doing my washing and honestly it's not that difficult to press a few buttons. Adult company was great and someone to hold and enjoy baby while i had a cuppa was nice.

Hoohaz · 26/04/2025 23:43

I wouldn't have taken it well if friends/family did that when visiting. I had PND with my first and I was convinced that I was a dreadful mother and everyone knew it and if someone put a wash on I would have taken it as them saying "oh look, she can't even keep up with her washing, she's so crap and useless".

uncomfortablydumb60 · 26/04/2025 23:47

I’d be very happy to help in the best way I could be that washing, loading dishwasher or just holding the baby while they had a shower or nap.

MotherJessAndKittens · 26/04/2025 23:52

Close family fine but ask me first apart from DM who just knows what to do and not overstep. Other regular visitors maybe bring cup of tea, water, biscuit if feeding. Occasional visitors no way

New posts on this thread. Refresh page